Cheap crap reigns supreme

February 25th, 2013 5 Comments By Lucy Sweet

Oppressed garment makers of Malaysia rejoice! Primark have announced a massive demand for neon studded leggings and crap tracky bottoms, with sales expected to be up 23% and half-year results way ahead of expectations.

primark 300x199 Cheap crap reigns supreme

Owners Associated British Foods say that Primark has enjoyed an ‘outstanding performance’ during the past few months, as depressed, recession hit Britain wraps its fat arses in wrap around cardigans and baggy t-shirts that say: ‘WOT R U LOOKIN’ AT?’

As well as the British public’s ravenous need for badly made clothing that absolutely ISN’T made by tearful children, profit margins were apparently also higher thanks to lower cotton prices and better trading.

With 257 stores and 15 new stores opening in the last six months, Primark is definitely on the up. The chain also plans to spread itself all over Europe, a bit like the plague.

So what are you waiting for, peasants? Get yourself down to Primark, grab a bucket and fill it with the high street’s crappiest crap! Apparently, it’s all you deserve.

Comments (5) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by chewbacca February 25, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    Looking at the headline alone, I assumed this was an Adele Oscar award article.

  2. Posted by Meek February 25, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    I THOUGHT IT WAS YO MOMMA

  3. Posted by chewbacca February 25, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    @Weakling

    Typing in all caps makes people assume that you’re a moron. Reading what you said confirms it.

    Moron.

  4. Posted by Darren February 25, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    I thought it was about the non Lucy Editors on this site.

  5. Posted by Captain Cretin February 25, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    I cant afford Primark prices, so I go to Matalan, even the charity shops are more expensive.

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