‘Virus Shield’ app killed by Google

April 8th, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

android logo 300x225 Virus Shield app killed by GoogleHave you got an Android phone with the Virus Shield app? You might have because, for a period, it topped the charts on Google Play. Well, you should delete it because Google have pulled it after it turned out to be a total phoney.

So what was the deal with it? For starters, the app had virtually no function at all, but cost a $3.99 to buy. At over 10,000 downloads, the developer/con-artist raked it in on something that was nigh-on useless for your phone.

If you’re wondering what little function it did have, the icon changed when you tapped it while it pretended to look for viruses.

The Android Police, who rumbled it, said: “This is such a brazen and expensive fake that we felt the need to give it some special attention. It’s somewhat disheartening that an app so obviously fake could rise to the top, especially considering that it’s paid, and possibly hundreds or thousands of people have been defrauded already.”

This comes with the news that Google are finally trying to clean up their apps. They need to start being a bit sharper, clearly. Either way, ‘Virus Shield’ isn’t harming your phone and won’t hammer your battery, but it isn’t doing a thing for your phone, so get shot of it.

If you want to get a refund on the app beyond the normal 15 minute refund window, Android Central have a nifty how-to guide.

tinder Tinder: invaded with bots carrying maliciousnessMillions of people use dating app Tinder everyday, with women focused entirely on screengrabbing men and calling them names on Twitter, and men being ignored or crudely asking for pictures of boobs.

Well, if you’re using it – be careful. Why? Well, the service has been “invaded by bots” who are pretending to be humans according to security firm BitDefender.

These bots pose as women to talk to you in a text-chat before promoting a game called Castle Clash, with a link to a site called Tinderverified.com. Of course, this has nothing to do with Tinder and the whole thing is dodgy.

Most of you would realise that, but as a public service to thundering simpletons, we should at least share this so they don’t end up going mental in the streets where the rest of humanity lives.

“The name of the URL gives the impression of an official page of the dating app and for extra legitimacy scammers also registered it on a reputable .com domain,” said Bitdefender’s chief security strategist Catalin Cosoi.

The developers of the Castle Clash game deny any involvement: ”We are already aware of this issue and we are currently investigating into it. We are also being victimised in this issue therefore we are grateful for being informed,” said the company in a statement to BitDefender.

Don’t fall for the kitchen conmen

April 3rd, 2014 No Comments By Lucy Sweet

Right minded people tend to slam the phone into the wall whenever they get a call about kitchens. But if you get a phone call about a government led ‘kitchen scrappage scheme’ – offering to give you a discount on a new kitchen in exchange for your old one – don’t fall for it.

mum in kitchen Don’t fall for the kitchen conmen

It is, in fact, a con. Quite a clever con, really, considering the government have, in the past, run boiler and car scrappage schemes.

But of course, it’s all a scam to get your personal information. If you ask them what company they’re calling from, they’ll suddenly get shy, because it’s all shadier than a row of shady palm trees on Shady Lane.

What they’ll do instead is try to arrange a home sales visit, and then proceed to ask you probing questions like ‘How big is your cooker hood, love?’ and ‘What kind of knobs do you have?’ and ask you questions about your income.

Andy Curry from the Commissioner’s Office said that the calls will probably come from a lead generation company, trying to get your details so that you can be bombarded with further sales calls.

‘It appears these made up scrappage schemes are just another hook used to get people to give their details, which lead generation companies then sell on.’ he said.

Yet another reason to ditch the landline…

New watchdog out for payday lenders blood

April 2nd, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

payday loans New watchdog out for payday lenders bloodThe Financial Conduct Authority is using TOUGH LANGUAGE, warning that it will “take out” payday lenders if they fail to follow new rules. Oooh, get them.

The watchdog will be taking over the regulation of credit providers and debt management firms from the Office of Fair Trading.

This is all good and noble to hear, seeing as payday lenders have been taking the piss for far too long, happily shoving borrowers into a debt spiral with ridiculous interest payment demands.

It’s going to also take over the regulation of credit cards, hire purchase, debt management firms and debt advisors.

Speaking to BBC Radio 5 live, Martin Wheatley, chief executive of the FCA said: ”Our processes will probably force about a quarter of the firms out of the industry, and that’s a good thing, as those are the ones that have poor practices.”

Unfortunately, the demand still remains for payday lenders, and so people may be forced to go to even more nefarious types, but the watchdog is optimistic that a cleaning up of various parties acts has been evident, and standards for the customer have improved over the last 18 months.

There have been concerns that payday lenders have been making too much of their profits from people who were struggling to pay the money back. Taking advantage of this situation, the lenders offer loans of hundreds of pounds for a few weeks, but at very high annual rates of interest and with high penalties for failing to repay. The new regime is designed to force them to lend only to those who can afford it.

And if you think that was all guff, the FCA now has tougher powers than the Office of Fair Trading, so now they can dish out unlimited fines, demand refunds and ban misleading advertisements.

Now that can’t be a bad thing. Let’s hope they put their money where their mouth is and sort shit.

microsoft logo UK dishes out first ever Microsoft scam punishmentMohammed Khalid Jamil, a notorious scammer from Luton who hoodwinked thousands of Microsoft customers into coughing up their money for free anti-virus software, has been handed a suspended sentence.

Jamil was given a four-month sentence and nearly £25,000 in fines, compensation and court costs for his role in the Microsoft scam.

Making people pay for free software? Sounds like something Dell would do.

“We believe it may be the first ever successful prosecution of someone involved in the Microsoft scam in the UK,” said Lord Toby Harris, chair of the National Trading Standards Board. “It’s an important turning point for UK consumers who have been plagued by this scam, or variants of it, for several years. Many have succumbed to it, parting with significant sums of money, their computers have been compromised and their personal details have been put at risk.”

If you haven’t heard of the scam, Jamil set up a company called SmartSupportGuys and went on to hire some call centre workers in India, getting them to phone people from Britain as phoney ‘Microsoft Certified’ engineers. They would then try and convince people to allow remote access to computers where they are made less secure, then of course, fixed for a price.

The software used to fix the computers was available for free from Microsoft and dopes were charged between £35 and £150.

“Now that one of the many individuals who’ve been operating this scam has been brought to justice, it’s a stark warning to anyone else still doing it that they can be caught and will be prosecuted,” Lord Harris added.

Before you book your summer holiday, it might be a good idea to acquaint yourself with the latest online travel scams – of which there are many.

summer holiday 300x293 Were all going on a (non existent) holiday...

According to a new report from the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau, travel-related internet scams are diddling customers out of about £7 million a year, and last year there were 5000 reported cases of holiday fraud.

So what should we be looking out for? Well, fake ads for apartments and villas are very popular amongst Internet fraudsters. 3 out of 10 victims fell for imaginary accommodation advertised on Facebook, so before you get the credit card out, it’s a good idea to check that your dream destination actually exists, and isn’t just a stock photo of some random guy’s house in Tenerife.

21% of cases involve people falling for airline ticket fraud, where people pay for tickets in advance, with the promise of a booking, and the booking is never made. And because these ‘companies’ rely on paperless ticketing, fraud is rife – particularly on flights to Africa.

The solution? Check, check and double check. ABTA says you should do a thorough background check of any holiday company before you book, and read all customer reviews in case there are any grievances or evidence that other victims that have been scammed.


Zombie Spambot Holocaust

February 12th, 2014 2 Comments By Ian Wade
mondo zombies 300x168 Zombie Spambot Holocaust

some zombies earlier

Anyone who has ever been on Twitter for more than five minutes knows that it has its fair share of zombies, but a recent episode of a user literally being targeted by the undead, has left them a bit cheesed off and distressed.

Asher Wolf had noticed that she’d gained 100 new followers in one big swoop, and on closer inspection, it looked as though the undead had taken a shine to her feed. Noticing that they were all fake account bots, she felt as though someone had signed her up to a zombie botnet thing.

As the day progressed, another several thousand zombies had started following, leading Asher to change the security settings on her Twitter, yet still left with a hoard of bots to report and block, her task no doubt echoing Bauhaus’ “Undead, undead, undead” as she scrolled through them.

After the Australian Twitter office had responded to Asher, she learned that a number of other users had been hit in a similar fashion. Eventually, a tweet arrived from one of the zombies telling her that she’d survived the zombie “outbreak” and that the new series of The Walking Dead was starting at 8.30pm on FXAU that night.

Now understandably outraged, Asher realised that the social media marketing department of a channel she didn’t even subscribe to, had spammed her and others willy nilly about it.

Having located the source of the spam, a company called FutureApp2017, which is connected to The Clemenger Group of companies that specialise in advertising and marketing solutions, which is in turn connected to the Omnicom Group – the largest communications group in the world.

After a quick scan of Section 16 of the Spam Act 2003 showed that if the viral advertising campaign had originated from the Clemenger Group and Foxtel’s FX Australia channel as their client, they may have potentially breached federal law forbidding electronic spam.

If the zombie Twitter bots originated from FX Australia or a paid contractor, then it appears they are also potentially in breach of Twitter’s terms of service, seeing as it looked very much like FX Australia had hired a company to spam people on Twitter.

Facebook ban HotCrazyDeals

January 29th, 2014 2 Comments By Ian Wade

logo compact 300x262 Facebook ban HotCrazyDeals

Facebook have got rid of the advertisements for a deals website, after users complained that it was siphoning cash from their bank accounts but failing to deliver.

HotCrazyDeal, which operates out of – oh the dodginess – Panama, used these ads to tempt users to sign up for a “free” seven day trial. However, soon these users were left with a £29.90 debit coming out of their bank accounts each month.

Such temptations as ‘£1 for £30 of groceries at Asda, Tesco or Sainsburys’, offers at Pizza Hut and unearthly savings on Oyster cards were actually not official deals at all, but lies. LIES. Even Apple and Argos has distanced themselves from this shady operation.

Users have to enter their bank details on the HotCrazyDeal website, after which it says customers can spend the deal at the retailer and claim the cash back via PayPal, so long as they send a scanned copy of the receipt to the website.

But this is patently all bollocks, and as angry users have found out, it’s harder to get out of HotCrazyDeals than they’d hope, with further amounts being rinsed from their accounts.

So basically – don’t be sucked in by those adverts on the side of Facebook. Apart from the ‘Women looking for single men in your area’ ones obviously.

New scams for 2014

January 16th, 2014 No Comments By Lucy Sweet

We regularly delete that Paypal email addressed to ‘dear costumer’, and we can spot a Nigerian inheritance scam at fifty paces. But what email dodginess can we look forward to in 2014?

Fake Royal Mail Lost Missing package emails New scams for 2014

Well, this year, email scams are getting more creative than ever. Rugby fans should be aware of the Rugby World Cup 2015 scam, where unscrupulous websites are selling fake tickets in exchange for your hard earned cash. The advice is only to buy from the official site.

Then there are fake Royal Mail emails, from an address called ‘Royal Mail Group.’ These bogus emails try to convince you that you’ve missed a package or something has got lost in the post. If you click on the attachment to retrieve your parcel, it installs malware, so don’t click, and delete the email immediately.

It’s doubtful that you’ll invest in graphene after receiving a junk email, but if you’re tempted, don’t. Graphene is a new kind of carbon substitute and won’t be used commercially for another 6 years, so if someone tries to sell you it, it’s impossible to tell if it’s the real thing.

Then of course, there are the phone scams you’re probably more likely to fall for, like ‘vishing’, where people pretending to be the bank say your account has been compromised and then put you through to a fake bank representative.

But although these scams have new guises, it’s still the same old story – don’t give anyone your information unless you’re 100% sure it’s a trusted site or caller. And for God’s sake don’t open random zipfiles from people called Eugenia Pontes Pontes or Maximus Gloryhole.

scam Dont be an idiot and get caught out giving £200k to scam lettersA local council has issued a warning to everyone because some people are really quite dim and have been sending money to scam mail fraudsters. As a public service, we feel we should at least share this news in case you or a loved one is that stupid.

One lady, in Surrey, paid out over £200,000 over more than 50 years in fees without receiving any winnings because, as we all know, scams don’t tend to pay out.

Sylvia Kneller from Farnham got addicted to replying to letters in the post which said she had won cash prizes and eventually, Trading Standards persuaded her to tell her story in a bid to warn other gullible people.

Now in her 70s, she first replied to the letters when she was 20, every time sending money for imaginary processing fees. Ms Kneller said: “It does get you all excited and they shouldn’t do that to old people. It’s not right. The amount of money, £200,000, is what I have spent out thinking I was going to win, but I never got a penny.”

“But in your mind you believe it. Other people start on at you and you know they are right but you still believe, you still want to do it, it becomes like an addiction really. My first husband, we parted company over it because he was fed up with it and he ended up with my best friend. I do not send money out now because I can’t afford it. If I had kept my money in my purse I would have been rich.”

Trading Standards are investigating numerous 80 cases involving people falling for scam competitions. Gillian Guy, chief executive of the Citizens Advice, said: “In the last 50 years, scammers have been quick to embrace new ways to rip people off, including the internet and mobile phones. Our evidence from the last few years shows that scammers are exploiting difficult economic times and targeting people with fake job offers, training scams and phoney help with debt. Scams are crimes so it is vital they are reported.”

So there you have it. You might be too clever-clever for these scams, but keen an eye on those who might not be.

tax letter Dont get caught by copycat websites  especially when filing your Self Assessment return by 31 JanuaryIf there’s one thing the new year hasn’t seen the back of, it’s scams, and the most recent scam-a-la-mode is the copycat website scam.

Scam sites can cover anything, but their weapon of choice tends to be governmental type document completion, ideally where there is a fee to be paid. Recent scam sites found included provisional driving licence, European health cards and passports as well as congestion charge and even self-assessment tax return sites.

Last week, the Advertising Standards Authority upheld a complaint against paylondoncongestion.co.uk, which charges drivers a premium for paying the London Congestion Charge- costing £16 instead of £10 for driving into London, or £20 instead of £12 to pay the next day. However, paylondoncongestion.co.uk has declined to take any notice whatsoever of the ASA ruling.

The ASA told This is Money: “In 99 per cent of cases, advertisers comply immediately. But in this instance, Paylondoncongestion has not. We are disappointed. The website still does not make it clear that it is unofficial”. Unfortunately, many of the other tools at the ASA’s disposal do not hit scurrilous companies where it hurts- in the bottom line- with  ‘naming and shaming’ the firm or paying for ASA adverts to appear in internet searches alongside those of the scam website to warn potential users away, not likely to be as effective as a fine. The ASA do have redress to the Trading Standards Institute who can take statutory action and issue fines, but by that time, the tricksters are likely to have disappeared back into the woodwork.

But some claim that much of the problem could be easily solved by search engines. If scam websites didn’t appear above the official site, far fewer people would be tricked into spending more than they need to, or even losing money altogether- and some think the likes of Google should act.

Mike Walker googled “hmrc” to file his tax return. He clicked on the top result,  taxreturngateway.com, and realised too late that it was not the official government site. He told The Guardian:  ”It looked very similar, but it was only once I’d gone through the process of filing my return and made a payment of £400 that I realised it wasn’t the same.”

However, while the site has clearly paid for its premium position above the organic results, is it, or Google, breaking any laws? Taxreturngateway.com clearly states on its home page that “We are not connected to or affiliated with HMRC, DWP or any other official government body. We offer a bespoke, value for money, tax return assistance service for which we levy a charge.” They highlight that HMRC filing is free and even have a link back to the HMRC site. They claim they are providing a tax return completion service, for a fee, and it’s not their fault if people can’t read properly. Caveat emptor and all that jazz.

Google reportedly removed taxreturngateway.com from its advertising spots last month, but reinstated the site after investigating complaints.

So what do you think? Are people caught by these scams just victims of an online version of survival of the fittest or should someone somewhere take some action to stop them? Preferably with a few more teeth than the ASA.

Oh, and don’t forget to file your tax return online with HMRC by 31 January 2014.

A botnet has been discovered which targets shop tills, and it has stolen what’s been described as a ‘titanic volume’ of credit card details. 20,000 cards could have been affected since August.

payment 300x200 Evil botnet nicks 20,000 card numbers from shop tills

It’s not the first time a botnet has infiltrated points of sale – last year the Subway virus, created by two Romanian hackers, managed to cream off 146,000 credit card numbers by hacking 200 shops. But it seems like the viruses are becoming more sophisticated than ever before, and there’s been dozens of them popping up all over the place in recent months. With this particular virus, hackers are able to access payment machines in real time and issue commands, leaving customers completely vulnerable.

So what can we, the average consumer, who doesn’t know a botnet from their bottom – do about it? Well, nothing really. It’s down to digital crime units, like the one run by Microsoft, who recently busted three botnets. The latest is a group of computers called ZeroAccess, which highjacked search results and led people to dodgy websites, where it would install malware and then steal your information.

So it’s a matter of taking care on the internet and hoping that the hidden army of Cyber Bergeracs out there can take down these botnets before they get your card. Reassuring, eh?

From now on, I’m paying in CASH.

The Twelve Scams of Christmas…

December 2nd, 2013 4 Comments By Thewlis

12days 262x300 The Twelve Scams of Christmas...Hooray. It’s December. That means everything is now officially mince-pie scented and dusted with picturesque snow that never actually arrives. Even Trading Standards (or specifically the National Trading Standards Board (NTSB)) have been hitting the sherry are getting in the Christmas spirit and have produced a “Twelve Scams of Christmas” that you just have to sing along to…

Twelve Vishers Vishing

Vishing has caught a lot of people out recently – consumers have already lost £7million to this scam, according to Financial Fraud Action UK. Scammers call victims pretending to be a bank, building society or similar official and attempt to get personal information. Consumers must remember that their bank or building society will never ask for details over the phone – they already have them

Eleven Alarming Alarmists

The National Scams Hub is warning consumers about a possible burglar alarm scam where consumers receive a cold call from a company offering to install security systems.  The security system may be free or available at a nominal cost but the on-going maintenance cost is high and there is a daylight-robbery cancellation fee.

Ten Dodgy (Car) Dealers

Not very festive, but apparently yuletide is also a time to be wary of buying second hand cars, as greasy second hand car salesmen might be clocking the car to make a few extra quid.

Nine Grants Disappearing

It’s like something from your Christmas list- an email from the ‘Commonwealth Secretariat’ and ‘HM Treasury’ telling explaining that you qualify for a free £1,000 grant to be paid directly into your bank account. Unfortunately those who gleefully hand over said bank details will normally see more than the fictional grant disappear…

Eight Council Tax Bands- a- Playing

Getting your property rebanded for Council Tax purposes could save you a pretty penny, always assuming you have a genuine case and you fill in the relevant forms from the Valuation Office Agency (available free). Still, these pesky facts don’t bother claims company fraudsters who are happy to take your money and run- North-West Scambuster investigations discovered that less than 0.1% of claims submitted by companies claiming they can obtain council tax refunds are legitimate. You just pay high, up-front fees to a company that does no work on your behalf.

Seven Computers Crashing

Sometimes the old ones are still good. The National Scams Hub and trading standards are warning of a simple scam where the victim receives a bogus call from a computer company claiming that they had been alerted by the internet provider to a serious virus attack. The scammers tell the victim the only way the problem can be fixed is to buy a special computer programme. You can guess the rest.

Six Alternative Investments

Targeting the ‘more money than sense’ brigade (and we all know a few of those) these cold-callers offer attractive ways in to a range of exciting investments- diamonds, wine, carbon credits (?!)- but at hugely inflated prices, and with magical disappearing companies. Some cat is getting the cream, but it’s not the hapless investor.

Five Doorbells Ring

December is not the warmest time of year to be knocking on doors, but this time it’s not carol singers ringing your bell. Bad weather is used by rogue traders to convince some residents that they need unnecessary and often substandard home improvements at extortionate prices. Or by unscrupulous energy companies to pressurise the elderly and vulnerable into signing expensive service contracts.

Four Calling Loans

Christmas (and January) are often times when money is tight,and that’s where loan companies sidle in offering relief. The National Scams Hub says many people have received unsolicited text messages or telephone calls from firms offering them an unsecured loan. Those who accepted were charged large, upfront fees for little or no service.

Three Free Trials

Christmas and New Year is also free trial target time. Whether it’s trying out a one-day delivery service, a film streaming service or a weight loss programme, these companies make their money on the guarantee that people will forget to cancel the trial in time, or worse, require notice of cancellation of almost the same period as the trial itself.

Worse, some scammers hide expensive contracts in amongst the fine print and after customers enter their card details to pay for the post and packaging on a freebie, the nasty people use these hidden contracts to regularly take sums of moneys from the victim’s account.

Two Bogus Charities

While no-one wants to curtail the season of goodwill, the NTSB just want to make sure you are actually giving to charity and not to some clever scammer lining his own pockets. Consumers should be wary of vague statements on packaging such as ‘donations for work creation’ or ‘donations to poor children’ and look for registered charity numbers where you can. Also check things like charity collection bags to make sure they are destined for who you think they are- before you fill them

And a dangerous toy under the tree…

The NTSB want to stress that, while a cheap toy or electrical gadget might seem a bargain, sub-standard foreign imports will not adhere to safety guidelines and have the potential to be dangerous for kill unsuspecting gift recipients. And that will not make a merry Christmas.

NTSB chairman Lord Toby Harris, wearing a red suit and white beard, chortled: “Last year, UK adults spent an average of £592 on Christmas. At a time of year when we know consumers will be parting with hard earned money, it is imperative that they be made aware of current scams. The NTSB encourages all consumers to check the legitimacy of chosen traders before buying gifts or committing to contracts.”

Consumer Minister and part-time elf Jo Swinson advised: “The first thing people should do is follow the old adage – if something sounds too good to be true than it usually is. If something is not quite right or they are being pressured into buying goods or services they don’t need, then they should report this to the Citizens Advice consumer helpline on 08454 04 05 06. They can ask trading standards to investigate claims and make sure consumers get a fair deal.”

Alpine Electronics: Christmas scamsters?

November 26th, 2013 5 Comments By Mof Gimmers

scam Alpine Electronics: Christmas scamsters?There’s a lot of concern regarding a company called Alpine Electronics. Not to be confused with the Alpine who make car accessories, but rather, a site people have spotted some bargains that appeared to be too good to be true. And, it appears they were indeed not to be believed.

The company, trading via alpineelectronicsltd.co.uk had offers on cheap consoles. After taking numerous orders, the site is now down and it appears that all orders have gone with it.

BW staff contacted the numbers that were on the site before it went down, and there’s no answer. After finding the address of the company, we called the company next door and found that Alpine Electronics had upped sticks and moved on. The person we spoke to admitted that they’d taken numerous calls regarding this matter.

Looking at scamvoid/alpineelectronicsltd, it seems this was a very new company, which makes it difficult to assume that this is anything but a scam.

Over on HUKD, there’s a lot of discussion about the company, with one user noting too many indescrepencies (see here), and lots of comments about emails going unanswered and phone calls which were vague about the company’s history. Many customers have said that they’ve received fake DHL emails about delivery.

Amazon customers have also been talking about Alpine Electronics, with many feeling they’ve been duped. Some customers have already contacted the police about the matter.


To be safe, it is worth getting in touch with your credit/debit card company or call Action Fraud on 0300 1232040. When contacting Action Fraud, be sure to let them know that the company has vacated their premises, which means they won’t instruct you to send a Breach Of Contract letter to Alpine. Your bank should stand the cost of the transaction, but you’ll need to contact them for more details.

Should your bank prove difficult, remind them that you are in fact protected by Section 75 of the Consumer Credit Act whenever you make a purchase for goods or services worth between £100 and £30,000 using your credit card. Section 75 states that you and your credit card provider are “jointly and severally liable” for your purchase. That means, if you’re scammed, your card provider must refund you if the retailer won’t.

Most debit card providers offer protection also. A scheme called Chargeback offers protection on purchases made using Visa, Visa Electron, Mastercard and Maestro debit cards. This makes it possible for you to claim a refund if your transaction is unsatisfactory (goods not being delivered, multiple billing, fraud). Claims must be made within 120 days of when your goods should have been delivered and ask your bank to initiate the Chargeback process and a dispute will be opened by your bank.

If Chargeback fails, take your claim to the Financial Ombudsman Service.

Loose onion scam man

October 1st, 2013 15 Comments By Lucy Sweet

It’s hard to imagine it’s possible to scam a supermarket self service machine without something going embarrassingly wrong. Most people can barely manage to scan a tin of beans before the red light goes on and a grumpy supervisor starts fiddling about and cursing the very ground you walk on.

self service checkout 300x199 Loose onion scam man

But Nicholas Long, a 25 year old hockey player with debts up to his eyeballs, managed to trick a Sainsbury’s self service machine to read all his shopping as ‘Loose Onions’ and conned the supermarket out of £450. He used the scam 20 times in 3 months at the same branch of Sainsbury’s in central London.

‘It is a straight forward allegation that he went to Sainsbury’s and was seen scanning various items in at the self-service checkout.’ Said Prosecutor Denise Murrin. ‘All items were being scanned as loose onions, but the store does not sell loose onions. It was an inexpensive way of doing his shopping.’

Angus Mathieson, who was defending Long, said he was in debt after his father’s building firm collapsed, and explained: ‘It was a stupid thing he has done. He was not getting a stupid amount, not substituting champagne or anything like that, but just getting an avocado and claiming it was an onion.’

I can’t help feeling a begrudging admiration for him. He’s beaten the system and turned avocados into onions! He’s like JESUS. However, Long won’t be able to show us how to do his underhand scam- he’ll be doing 180 hours community service instead.