Sometimes, you just have to take your punishment on the chin. If you’re drunk or far too rude to service staff, and they tell you to leave, the best thing to do is get out of dodge and take it from there. Of course, some people really, really like causing a massive scene.
They may tell you that they’re trying to get what should be rightfully theirs, but really, no-one ever got all up in a manager’s face, called them a number of names and shoved them around, only for the staff to say “you know what? We’ve changed our minds and you can get served.”
And so, to America where no-one can handle their ale, and a drunk teenager who wanted some kind of Big Mac at a McDonald’s. In fact, it was a bacon jalapeño Mac and cheese, which sounds absolutely brilliant.
Anyway, drunk and underage, he decides to give the manager and staff a load of aggro, for aaaaaages. Seriously. The restraint on this manager is something else. The temptation to smack this little bozo must have crossed his mind countless times. We suspect a number of BW readers would’ve lobbed this kid out of the nearest window.
Either way, watch this video and have a think how you’d get on and to see how the drunk teenager acts like a massive wuss when the authorities arrive.
Oh. One more thing. ALWAYS FILM IN LANDSCAPE.
Nanas are the best. They provide biscuits and cantankerous wisdom which you try and ignore, and ultimately end up agreeing with. Well, one eBay vendor has decided to use their gran as a model.
This lady is 94-years-old, and she’s like the models from Wheel of Fortune.
For some reason, this eBay seller seems to have a load of old weapons and things made of wood. And nana is of course, on hand to wield them in photographs on the internet.
This lady is actually the auntie of the seller in question, but she looks more like a granny to us, and we’re sticking with that. She’s related to the Bulgarian eBay seller called ‘retrooobg’, and to finish off, here’s our favourite photograph of her.
If you’d like to see more of her, then click here to visit the eBay page she graces.
As well as showing off their Black Whopper, Burger King have decided to go into the wine business, with the delightfully named ‘Whopper Wine’. We wished they’d called it ‘burger wine’, because that sounds horrible.
Anyway, this BK wine comes with the tagline of ’fire is what we do best’, and it has been launched in Spain to celebrate 40 years of serving bits of cow to Spaniards.
The wine, which is not a joke, has been aged in flame-grilled wooden barrels to give it a smoked flavour, which Burger King reckon compliments you eating a Whopper. It’d be nice if it neutralised the burps you get from all the raw onions they put on them, but we can’t have everything.
The limited edition wine actually harks back to their first Spanish restaurant, where they used to serve wine alongside the junk food, which sounds brilliant and should be a thing again.
Here’s a video about the Whopper Wine. We’re hoping KFC make an alcoholic drink based on their chicken gravy, so we don’t have to put shots of vodka in ours on the sly.
A lot of people have been going on about having a ‘Netflix and chill’ lately. For those of you who are a thousand years old, it basically means ‘would you like to come round for some intercourse?’
Well, Netflix have gone and created a button to facilitate exactly that. A proper, real life button with schematics so you can build it. Seems a bit much, like having a klaxon horn for when you’re getting the condoms out of the box, but there you go – stating ‘Netflix and chill’ should’ve already made your intentions clear.
Anyway, it’s called ‘The Switch’, and it puts your phone into Do-Not-Disturb mode, silencing incoming calls and messages, and if you have a smarthouse, it’ll dim the lights too.
It’ll also order you a pizza if you want and, of course, it’ll turn Netflix on. It can’t turn your partner on as well – you have to do something to earn your coital behaviour.
Netflix aren’t planning on selling these buttons to those who can’t build things like this, however, if you can, maybe you can make a load and sell them to randy people.
If you can’t manage to get someone over to your house, you can certainly have a Netflix and chill on your own, if you catch our drift.
A man called Stuart Lynn ordered a mild venison curry from a local Indian restaurant, and on checking the receipt, found that it said “VERY MILD, WHITE PPL” on it.
Lynn, pride dented, was horrified, mainly at the thought that people were under the assumption that he couldn’t handle spicy food.
The Valentine Restaurant in West London, were adamant that this wasn’t some kind of slur. The owner said: “Under white ppl, we don’t mean white people, but a white sauce made from milk, single cream, coconut milk and spices we add to our dishes when a curry is requested mild. “Ppl” means milk,” they said.
Lynn wasn’t having that. He said: “I was not happy at all – it said “white people” next to my curry. It implies we can’t deal with strong curries. I do like a hot curry sometimes. I just fancied a mild one for a change. I thought it was very rude of them. It was the first time I’ve been in there and I won’t be going back.”
Of course, the response on social media has been a mixture of ‘YOU MASSIVE WUSS – ORDERING A MILD CURRY!’ and ‘WELL, IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY ROUND, THERE’D BE AN UPROAR’.
Valentine Restaurant apologised and said they’d change their labelling.
Nutella decided to let people write their own labels, partly as a bit of fun, and of course, to get a promotional campaign going. Everyone took pictures of Coke cans with their names on, and gave Coca-Cola free advertising – why wouldn’t it work for Nutella?
The campaign was called ‘Make Me Yours’ and kicked off in Australia… and that’s when everyone started taking the piss.
Naturally, there were jokes about how much sugar is in Nutella…
And then there were ones that were just a bit odd…
And then came the ones that just wanted to put horrible words on a label for everyone to see…
Then, because this is the internet, Godwin’s Law applied and someone made a Nutella jar that said Hitler on it.
A spokesman for Nutella said: “Ferrero Australia launched the Nutella ‘Make Me Yours’ personalised label campaign earlier this week. The initiative allows fans of Nutella to personalise their very own jar of Nutella.”
“Although some people have chosen to use the campaign as an opportunity to create and post less than appropriate images online, most consumers have embraced it in the manner it was intended.”
If you missed the football news over the weekend, or forgot all about it because you’ve been overridden by the idea of a Prime Minister thrusting his widger into a severed pig’s head, here’s one of the things you should know: Chelsea’s Diego Costa is really good at winding people up.
In Chelsea’s game against Arsenal, he managed to get the Gunners’ defender Gabriel sent-off. Some people applauded, because football needs wind-up merchants. Some (mainly Arsenal fans) were not so happy about it.
In fact, some Arsenal fans are so annoyed that they’re going to boycott Costa Coffee until Gabriel Paulista comes back from his suspension.
The image above, nicked off Twitter, shows you that this is well and truly a thing. One Arsenal fan Tweeted: “That’s it for me. Boycott Costa. Starbucks all the way!” While ‘Our Lot In Block 5′ tweeted: “@gpaulista5 @ourlotpod join the #costaboycott buy your coffee at #starbucks or #pretamanger until Gabriel returns”
Of course, Arsenal fans are joking about this, but you can bet that there’s a number of opposing teams who are taking these boycotts seriously. Either way, if you’re a real Arsenal fan, you won’t be shopping at Costa for a while… or wear Chelsea boots while singing the praises of Diego, the eighth bishop of Oviedo who died in the 970s.
Up the people!
Companies spend a lot of money on marketing, and we – the people who have to navigate this world of adverts – have to stomach them all while we’re minding our own business.
Although, if it wasn’t for adverts, we couldn’t take the Michael, which someone in Manchester has done with the latest aftershave ad which features Johnny Depp, and Dior’s latest, ‘Sauvage’.
Now, while this may not be clever, we are big fans of childish pranks, where you stick an ‘S’ over an advert so it spells ‘sausage’.
And there we have it! Johnny Depp, looking all moody with the word ‘sausage’ emblazoned across him. Extra points for the flying Grange Hill style banger-on-a-fork, top right.
After putting the C-word on a packet of crackers, Aldi’s graphic design team are at it again, showing the importance of choosing a decent typeface for a product.
Now, thanks to a lousy font, Aldi are selling olive oil poo.
Of course, it isn’t meant to say ‘poo’, but rather, ‘PDO’ which stands for Protected Designation of Origin, like you care (they have to put that on the label thanks to EU rules).
Aldi have had this pointed out to them on their Facebook page and have said that they’ll look into it. Whether that means they’ll be having a word with the graphic designers, to see which other dirty words they can spell by ‘accident’, remains to be seen.
And if you missed the filthy mouthed crackers and didn’t click the link above, have a look at this.
Keurig, the people who make pod coffee machines, have teamed up with Campbell’s so you can brew your own soup through the same machine that gives you your hit of caffeine eighteen times a day.
No, seriously. It’ll be like having your own vending machine, only minus the tittle tattle about the things Janice got up to over the weekend, now she’s left her husband.
So, you’ll be able to get two things from Campbell’s – you can have Homestyle Chicken Broth & Noodle soup and Southwest Style Chicken Broth & Noodle soup, which is nice. Sounds more like a Pot Noodle than proper soup, but y’know.
How do they get all those noodles into a pod? Well, the short answer is: they don’t. You have to empty a sachet into your cup, then put the pod of flavour into your machine, and then hit the button.
Sounds like more faff than just buying some Super Noodles or whatever, but there we go.
The soup pods are sold in eight-cup packs, just like the coffee variety and will cost about £8 a pop. At a quid a pod, you might want to just buy a tin of soup instead.
Campbell’s reckon this’ll be a hit, and say that 80% of people that buy Keurig pods also buy Campbell’s soup. Whether or not your coffee will end up tasting like old soup, is anyone’s guess. If you try it out, do leave us a comment and let us know.
Aldi are selling some crackers, which isn’t particularly interesting… but for some reason, they’ve decided to use the kind of language that would make a sailor vomit, in a bid to brand them.
These Gourmet Crackers (really?) have certain letters randomly capitalised, and in there, you’ll see the biggest swear word there is. If you’re completely innocent, it starts with the letter ‘C’.
Unless Aldi were going for a bit of viral marketing, they will have no doubt been on the phone to their graphic design team today, asking what the bloody hell is going on.
Again, if you’re still missing it, here’s a gratuitous close-up shot.
Alas, Aldi are changing the packaging.
A spokesperson for the company said: “Our crackers have been available in completely new packaging since 6th August and only a limited number of these old packs remain in-store.”
He then rang up the design team and said ‘see you next Tuesday’.
Burger King and McDonald’s have been at each other’s throats for years, but now, in 2015, there’s an olive branch. Burger King has decided that they want to make peace with Maccies for one day only.
They want to “settle the beef” by combining their flagship burgers – the Whopper and the Big Mac – into the McWhopper.
This burger would be flogged at pop-up shops in Atlanta, which is the midway point between the headquaters of the two companies (which are Chicago and Miami if you must know).
Burger King made the offer via full-page adverts in The New York Times and The Chicago Tribune, and the want this to happen on the 21st September - the UN International Day of Peace. All proceeds to go to charity, natch. That said, customers won’t be asked to cough-up money, rather, they’ll be asked to sign one of the mats you get on the tray, making a peace declaration with someone.
The peace will even go down to the staff uniforms and takeaway bags.
In a proposal to McDonald’s, Burger King said: “All these ingredients come together to build the burger some said would never happen. Some say the same thing about world peace.”
“Let’s prove them wrong on Peace Day. Everything in our proposal is up for discussion, from the name right through to the packaging. The only thing we can’t change is the date, so let’s talk soon.”
Microsoft are thinking of the future, and have patented technology that could see people being notified of messages and the like, through smartclothes that send shocks through your skin. You can expect it to be more of a tingle, rather than something akin to death row.
The patent notes that, in modern society, everyone hates people’s phones making noises, so with this, your body will vibrate to let you know that Domino’s are doing yet another bloody offer and they won’t ever leave you alone.
The patent’s abstract says: “Techniques are described herein that are capable of providing electrical stimuli to skin of a user to convey information to the user. For instance, the electrical stimuli may inform the user of an event, a condition, etc.”
Mircosoft are looking at a shoe and a t-shirt as examples of clothing that could stimulate you when you get a message. We suspect someone will fashion something for the gusset with this technology.
While our minds are in the gutter, Microsoft suggest that, not only will these clothes give you notifications for messages, but also, that the tech could be used to tell someone when their clothes are about to ‘wear out’ or that you could link it up with street navigation apps.
Microsoft wrote in the patent paperwork: “People are increasingly exposed to information these days. A snapshot of our modern society is likely to reveal many people using mobile devices while performing their daily routine tasks. For instance people often text, conduct telephone calls, check messages, search the internet, etc. Using mobile devices in such a manner may raise any of a variety of concerns, namely safety and/or etiquette.”
“In an effort to address such concerns, companies are developing devices that are capable of delivering content to users in an unobtrusive and/or hands-free manner.”
We the public, as a whole, are a rotten and depraved bunch. We give off airs and graces, when really, we’re secretly thinking about murdering people and imaging what the most disgusting thing on the internet is.
So with that, anyone who gives the reins over to us is, frankly, an idiot.
And so to Google, with their lovely Google Trends billboards, which show off what the UK is really looking for on the internet. This one, spotted at Old Street Station, showed that, alongside looking at BBC Sports sites and things to do with Barcelona, the top trend is the delightful ‘Revenge Porn Sites’.
Of course, this might be something to do with TV presenter Anna Richardson, who has been looking into this area recently… but it doesn’t look like that does it?
Good old Google. Sticking ‘REVENGE PORN’ in big letters in the middle of a train station.
Getting a flight to Ibiza can be pretty arduous at the best of times. Ryanair banned booze on some Ibiza-bound flights, but that’s nothing compared to the nonsense that went on during a Jet2 flight from Newcastle to the Balearic island.
It has been reported that a passenger almost lost his ear after it was nearly bitten off during some airborne pagga.
Normally, fights involve a bit of punching, shoving and swearing, but it takes a special type of snowflake to try biting bits of another human off.
Anyway, the man was (allegedly) attacked on a busy Jet2 flight on Sunday night and is now in a Spanish hospital where they’re trying to save his ear. A witness told the Mirror how passengers, young and old, watched on in horror as the bloke ran down the aisle with blood pumping from his head, with his ear ‘hanging off’.
Another added: “It was absolutely sickening and I find it unbelievable that anyone would do that at all to another human being. But to bite someone’s ear off on a plane packed with other people at such close quarters and with families sitting around him is absolutely appalling, people were getting off the plane complaining of feeling physically sick.”
Enough to put you off those peanuts you just bought for £43.60.
Jet2 managing director Phil Ward said the company are working with the police to investigate the whole thing. He said: “The safety of our customers is of utmost importance to us and aggressive behaviour will simply not be tolerated.”