At last! The selfie hat!

September 15th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

selfie hat 207x300 At last! The selfie hat!It’s London Fashion Week! And you know what, where better a place than to showcase this marvellous selfie sombrero. Say that again to yourself, out loud.

“Selfie sombrero.”

The ‘brainchild’ (used very loosely in this case) of designer Christian Cowan-Sanluis and Acer, the Selfie Hat is a snip at £599.

Yes, for just £599, you could model the hat, which is able to spin and take pictures of you from all angles and is dubbed the ‘Christian Cowan-Sanluis x Acer Selfie-Hat’, it really is quite the thing.

Cowan-Sanluis has designed for that Lady Gaga in the past, so ‘reasonably normal’ is probably not a brief he adheres to.

The camera will assess which is your best side, as well as documenting these and posting them to social networks on your behalf. It’s probably at this point when concerned friends will wonder if you’re having some form of mental breakdown.

Acer, possibly pissing on a bucket of cash, claim: “We wanted to work with someone young and fresh, that not only understands the selfie culture, but both currently is part of it and works with people in it”.

Cowan-Sanluis explains: “With the hat, we wanted to take an element from my last collection, but correspondingly integrate the most popular zeitgeist there is in technology at the moment, the selfie. We also wanted to give it a fun and playful approach, but that in the end helps the user to better understand their face when taking a self-portrait.”

“There has been a lot of articles over the last year looking at how the selfie has gotten so big and being monetised on, celebrities such as Kim Kardashian making a selfie book and the term becoming part of mainstream society.”

“But on the other side, a lot of people taking selfies struggle to find the full potential of their front-facing camera when they use their hand. The hat helps to perfect the shot, either if it’s a cute, sexy or silly selfie.”

It is literally the worst thing ever.

Urban Outfitters sell massacre sweatshirt

September 15th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Fashion is a peculiar thing at the best of times, but Urban Outfitters are currently annoying a lot of people over a jumper that appears to celebrate a massacre.

The description of the ‘vintage Kent State sweatshirt’ reads: “Washed soft and perfectly broken in, this vintage Kent State sweatshirt is cut in a loose, slouchy fit. Excellent vintage condition. We only have one, so get it or regret it!”

That seems fine and all, but some readers will remember that Kent State university was the scene of a massacre and this particular jumper seems to be covered in blood stains.


kent state 500x455 Urban Outfitters sell massacre sweatshirt


So there you have it. You too can own a sweater that is covered in pretend blood stains, just like the blood stains on those gunned down at Kent State in the ’70s.

Next up: Columbine pencil cases filled with mock blood.

Burger King go goth

September 11th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Seems like Burger King have been having their photos taken in castle ruins, listening to Bauhaus and writing awful poetry, as they’ve made a goth burger.

Sadly for you gloom merchants, you’ll have to go to Japan for one.

gothburger2 Burger King go goth

These rascals are called ‘Kuro Burgers’ and have bamboo charcoal buns, onion and garlic sauce made with squid ink, burgers made with black pepper and black cheese.

You can get a Kuro Pearl and a Kuro Diamond with all the doom trimmings. Eating one may turn you into Robert Smith, so weigh that up before chowing down.

The pocket doctor will see you now

September 9th, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

stressed doctor The pocket doctor will see you nowSmartphones are now being used as ‘pocket doctors’.

In a bid to continue proving their worth, there is now a new app that can diagnose Parkinson’s disease via subtle changes in voice and motion.

The app can detect slight variations in a person’s behaviour, which may indicate the beginning of Parkinson’s.

The app has been tested on a group of 2,500 people with Parkinson’s, those with hereditary genes that indicate it and healthy types too.

Early reports suggest it has a 99% success rate, and indicated 98% of Parkinson’s sufferers.

A man – a mathematician no less – named Dr Max Little, from the University of Aston, who is leading the research, said: “Not only can you predict whether someone has Parkinson’s disease or not, you can actually score their symptoms on clinical scales.

“This new kind of remote data analysis will help patients to monitor their conditions on a minute-by-minute basis from the comfort of their own homes. Of course, it is still important that they receive regular advice and treatment from medical professionals, who may also benefit from this new technology.”

“Physicians may be able to use data collected by their patients’ smartphones to prescribe medications .. This information may also help examine people thought susceptible to developing Parkinson’s disease. The condition is hard to diagnose, with specialists having to take a detailed history of people’s symptoms and analysing them for physical signs of the disease.”

“Using smartphone data may help to make this process much easier.”

If this all goes well, despite the ethically dodgy area of diagnosing illness via a phone – a step up from ‘my chest hurts so I better Google and see if I have AIDS’ quandary – that voice analysis could also be used detect mental deficits linked to Alzheimer’s and anxiety.

MAC launches Rocky Horror make-up range

September 8th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

Well, Halloween is coming up and even if you don’t part-time it on the dressing up all hot tramp-ly, one of the best product tie-ins ever is here for you.

rocky horror 500x293 MAC launches Rocky Horror make up range

Yes, MAC Cosmetics are bringing out a Rocky Horror make-up range!

It all looks a bit amazing really, and allows you to finally channel your inner interplanetary transexual. You perv. All the men reading this are wearing stockings under their trousers as we speak (the reverse doesn’t really work as well)

rocky horror 2 500x265 MAC launches Rocky Horror make up range

Or it could be your idea of Hell and the very worst thing ever, but at least the market in singalong musical dressing-up will be catered for.

Anyway, it’s out October 2nd.

McDonald’s: now accepting rubbish

September 5th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

Sweden’s McDonald’s have come up with a green festival campaign. The Big Mac hitmakers are now accepting empty cans in exchange for burger-based treats.


mcdonald binbag 500x333 McDonalds: now accepting rubbish

In stores mainly around festival areas and green spaces, they are now accepting cards, cash and cans.

And so that collectors can have a handy guide as to working out the “exchange rate”, McDonald’s have provided bin bags with illustrations um, illustrating them.

For ten cans, you “can” HAHAHA have a hamburger.

However, anyone who has been to Sweden will know that everywhere is quite pricey, so you’d be better off just buying McDonalds instead, but hey – the planet and all that.

Now, who knows anything about Maccies and deforestation?

Tesco Woolwich is right ugly say experts

September 5th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

tesco woolwich 300x300 Tesco Woolwich is right ugly say expertsPride for Woolwich now, as their Tesco has just been crowned the winner of an award!

Except this one is for Building Design’s Carbuncle Cup, which is handed out to architecture that is “unforgivably bad and deserve(s) to be named and shamed“.


The development at Woolwich Central is managed and owned by Spenhill, who in turn are owned by Tesco, and it offers a Tesco Extra across the first eight floors teamed with 189 apartments of one, two and three bedroom variations, above that.

It must be said, the judges delivered some champion shade, when describing the building: “Camouflage comes in the way of some truly diabolical cladding and a massing strategy that seems to have been directly inspired by the 1948 Berlin blockade; we can only hope that residential leases come with free airlift.”

One of the panel, Prince Charles’s architectural adviser, Hank Dittmar aced that with “too much for the site, for the area and for the eye”.

An unnamed spokesman for the architects, was having none of it, saying “the aim was to create a cohesive piece of strong architecture that unlocked this vast space and established a desirable place to live”.

But then he would.

TfL pay tribute to Joan Rivers

September 5th, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Transport for London allows their workers to write quirky things on white boards, which sometimes ends in irritating, mealy mouthed nonsense. However, sometimes someone gets it bob-on.

With the death of Joan Rivers, people don’t know whether to grieve, shrug or continually point out the horrible things she’s said about… well… just about every corner of humankind.

Then, someone did this which we suspect would’ve given Rivers a laugh.

BwwIw9FIMAAXuSg 500x375 TfL pay tribute to Joan Rivers


Hats off. That’s not bad at all.

GM to install eye-tracking technology

September 3rd, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

 GM to install eye tracking technologyTechnology is all over cars at the moment, as the latest device involves tracking your eyeballs.

This tech will watch you so it can determine how drivers are behaving on the road, tracking your eyes and every move, making sure that you’re giving the road its full attention.

General Motors will install around half a million cars with eye-tracking devices over the next three to five years.

They’re apparently using technology made by Seeing Machines, a Canberra-based company who specialises in driver fatigue technology.

The cameras will be backed by algorithms, which tracks movement in the driver’s face and will then use this data to analyse what the driver is looking at.

If the driver isn’t paying attention to the road for more than 30 seconds, the device emits a laser at them and kills them dead.

As well as safety, the technology could allow drivers to communicate with their cars, without having to press a button or turn the wheel. It’s all a bit Gary Numan.

There are privacy issues arising from this new development, such as what insurers and manufacturers may do with it. However Seeing Machines reckon that ‘initially’ it will not keep the info it records.

In other words, it will and we’re all going to Hell. And the car will probably lock us in and drive us there itself.

Pig help sells house

September 3rd, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

A one-bedroomed property in Ipswich has sold thanks to a pig.

The estate agent’s advert for the property, featured one picture of the interior with a pet pig snoozing in the lounge/ living area. Which is completely normal.

pig Pig help sells house

Admittedly the decor suggests it may have been overtaken by wild animals, but the pig is actually named Pog and his the current owner’s pet.

The pictures, which also showed a cat sitting on an oven hob in the kitchen, were originally posted by estate agents Connells.

After doing the rounds of the social media, Connells later removed the pictures and the property listing from its website. However, it didn’t matter, for the property has sold for the asking price.

Jonathan Webb, director of Ipswich-based estate agents Keystone filled us in: “We started advertising the property on August 22nd and accepted an offer on August 29th for in excess of the asking price. We had 10 viewings of the property with more people wanting to view it, but the vendor had already agreed a sale.”

“The vendor was very happy with how effective we were as her agent to sell this unique property so quickly where other agents had failed previously. We believed that not showing a picture of Pog the Pig was the best strategy but felt we had to make potential viewers aware of the property’s furry friends before viewing!”

Kellogg’s gets discounting

September 3rd, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

58760 kelloggs coco pops 300x239 Kelloggs gets discountingCereal-lovers – Kellogg’s are sniffing around you and trying to woo you. How? They’ve launched an exclusive range of cereals for the discount channels.

The new format bags of Honey Hoopla, Coco Pops Jumbos and Coco Pops Chocos  [someone fire the person who names products at Kellogg's - Ed] will weigh 240g as opposed to 295g, and contain eight servings.

Kellogg’s had originally launched discounted cereal bars in May, but reckon that this new range will expand their reach in the discount market and, as we know, the discount market is where it is really at in 2014.

Nick Dawson, who is a UK customer director of speciality channels (get him) said: “Cereal sales in the discount channel are growing strongly so being able to offer Kellogg’s branded products with a strong value proposition on shelf offers a fantastic platform for growth”

He could’ve discounted or at least reduced half the waffle in that quote, but you get the idea.

Nail polish to prevent rape

September 2nd, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

undercovercolors 300x156 Nail polish to prevent rapeA new nail polish is being developed that will deter rapists. We’ve had the anti-rape mobile app, as well as a brilliant vagina dentata thing, but now we’ve got something a little more easy to have about your person.

That’s the idea behind Undercover Colors, a nail polish that will change colour is there’s any date rape drugs been slipped into your shandy.

While the product has yet to go on sale, the company have stressed that have been working to ensure that any kind of drug can be discovered, rather than put the nail polish out there and fail.

When fully tested, they plan to crowd-source a money making campaign.

The company’s site says: “While date rape drugs are often used to facilitate sexual assault, very little science exists for their detection. Our goal is to invent technologies that empower women to protect themselves from this heinous and quietly pervasive crime.”

“Through this nail polish and similar technologies, we hope to make potential perpetrators afraid to spike a woman’s drink because there’s now a risk that they can get caught. In effect, we want to shift the fear from the victims to the perpetrators.”

“We are Undercover Colors and we are the first fashion company empowering women to prevent sexual assault.”

This could potentially be amazing, more news as and when.

Avid Bitterwallet reader, Steve Hogarty, spotted something in Boots and needed to share it with everyone. He’d spied their essential-for-summer product, called ‘Boots’ Hot Weather Refreshing Spray’, which sounds magical, especially if you’ve been struggling in the heat.

He said: “The special formula in Boots’ Hot Weather Refreshing Spray is a closely guarded secret. Only two scientists know— oh.”

BwdnaPTIMAEi97N 500x340 What is the secret behind Boots Hot Weather Refreshing Spray?


So as you can see, Boots are flogging plain ol’ water in a spray can and saying that the ‘Hot Weather Refreshing Spray’ is good ‘for sensitive skin’ and is to be used by ‘adults and children’.

You have to admire the brass balls on Boots for this.

All Hail! The Domino’s customer who is rather dim

September 2nd, 2014 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

The anticipation when ordering fast food is unbearable. You order your food and get hungrier and then realise that, if they bugger your order up, you’ll be so starving by the time it comes that you’ll probably eat it, even if it is a dish of raw chicken thighs.

Well, one scamp ordered a pizza from Domino’s and opened the box and got a nasty surprise!

The surprise for @SadderDre was that he can be prone to bouts of thundering thickness. He thought Domino’s had send him just the base of the pizza, but that wasn’t the case.

BweK19WIUAE1okX 378x500 All Hail! The Dominos customer who is rather dim


We can only be thankful to this young fella that he partook in this query in public, just so we could all see and snort with laughter at his daftness.


Buy more stuff when you recycle

September 1st, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

Recycling Mixed Containers Buy more stuff when you recycleYou can receive shopping vouchers each time you recycle!

A new scheme, based on loyalty rewards and vouchers, is going to reward greener households. those who actually separate stuff and that.

A £5 million fund has been set up to reward the greenest, in a bid to increase recycling rates in England.

Councils that offer weekly bin emptying services, instead of fortnightly, can bid for a share of the cash to increase their recycling rates by providing the incentives to those who recycle.

The scheme was originally piloted back in 2010, and was found to be quite the success with recycling rates increasing by 35%.

Local Government Secretary Eric Pickles, that one off the telly, said: “Rewards for recycling show how working with families can deliver environmental benefits without the draconian approach of punishing people and leaving out smelly rubbish.”

“Councils with fortnightly collections will not receive government funding and are short-changing their residents with an inferior service.”

The closing date for bids is November 7th, and those who’ve been the most successful will be unveiled in January.