Behold! The worst parking space in Britain!

February 3rd, 2015 7 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Parking spaces aren’t always great, especially if a great big bush is growing at the bottom of it, or it was painted so narrowly that you have to climb out of your exhaust pipe to exit your car.

However, in Romford, residents saw a parking spot that defied belief.

Contractors managed to paint the useless parking bay around a signpost, which obviously means a whole load of trouble for anyone daft enough to try and put their car in it.

rubbish parking space 493x500 Behold! The worst parking space in Britain!

Phil Wailing spotted the bay, complete with huge metal obstruction that a contractor really should’ve spotted, when he was out taking the dog for a walk.

Phil said: “It really beggars belief. I think the contractors must have been down the Aspen Tree pub at the end of the road before they started painting.”

“It smacks of the work of jobsworths but you’ve got to laugh.”

Havering Council, looking for someone to shout at, said contractors “mistakenly” painted the parking area and it will be removed as soon as possible.

Taxi advert shows cabbie running over a cyclist

February 2nd, 2015 9 Comments By Mof Gimmers

There are bad cyclists. There are bad drivers too. When you mention either, people from either side start screaming at each other, before someone spoils it all by mentioning road tax and immediately forfeiting the argument.

Worse than both camps are people who work in advertising and, combining the war between motorists and cycling enthusiasts, one advert has appeared which is in rather poor taste indeed.

Basically, we see that a taxi has run a cyclist over. Y’know… because people getting hit by cars is funny in 2015?

taxi advert Taxi advert shows cabbie running over a cyclist

Westminster Insurance ran their commercial in the latest copy of the Licensed Taxi Drivers Association Magazine (a thrilling read which covers ‘ice breakers for when you want to indulge in small talk with someone who has their headphones in’ and ’10 anecdotes about drunken customers you’ve had’) which advises that cabbies have cameras fitted in their taxi, so they can get a 10% discount on their insurance.

To convey this message, the accompanying image shows a cyclist lying on the ground while being shouted at by a judge alongside: “A fitted camera in your taxi is like having a witness and a barrister permanently with you.”

The amount of cyclists that have been killed on the roads of the UK, this advert will surely be a bit of light relief for all those widows and bereaved families! Of course, not forgetting the real victims of the road – drivers who have been a bit inconvenienced by someone on a bike.

Either way, the funny thing here is that these cameras can convict drivers, as well as cyclists. Maybe it would be a good thing if everyone on the road got rigged up with cameras, like we’ve seen in Russia.

Man buys expensive domain name for peanuts

January 30th, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

A gentleman has bought a domain name worth $15,000 (£9,900) for just $10.99 (£7.25).

The snipular bargain was picked up was picked up by Bruce Marler, who was after buying the domain credit.club. A glitch in the website allowed him to get it at the knockdown price by mistake.

He’d hoped to buy it to make even more money from selling it, having been inspired by someone who’d bought the domain wine.club for $140,000.

credit club 500x280 Man buys expensive domain name for peanuts

Marler had created a wordpress platform and registered the address with a Twitter handle too.

The company that runs all dot-club domain names, .Club Domains, said that the sale was an error on its part and that several premium domain names were wrongly listed as available for the low fee for 24 hours. The mistake has now been corrected.

.Club Domains also said they could be arses and cancel the purchase, but their chief executive said they’d honour the deal rather than allowing any particular mud-slinging to begin.

In a statement he said: “The registry does not believe it is in our best interest nor the best interest of the registrant to pull the name back given the substantial investment in time and money he has invested to launch credit.club. I informed the registrant of such matters and wish him a continued success.”

Speaking to the Domain Gang website, Mr Marler said: “My intent is to sell the domain, eventually. This domain is as good as any finance-related .club domain that exists. If the site grows in revenue the site can be considered a business venture, but at this point it’s a domain investment.”

Business, there, ladies and gentlemen.

The WHAT teapot?

January 30th, 2015 4 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Naming a new business venture is tricky because, most of the time, you’re stuck with it. It’s like naming a band. You have to hope that everyone just gets used to a thing called Smashing Pumpkins or whatever.

And so to Uxbridge, where someone has opened up a cafe. No, not a cereal cafe or another idea that signals that adults are about a month away from turning into dribbling infantile dimwits, but rather, a normal cafe where you can get a brew or a butty.

However, there’s a small problem with the logo.

wonky teapot 500x373 The WHAT teapot?

 

Bitterwallet stared at this for a while, wondering what the cafe was called. We couldn’t work out anything that didn’t say ‘Wanky Teapot’.

Spotted by Twitter user Tony White with the comment: ‘The *what* Teapot Co? New cafe might need to work on its logo’, we stared and stared at it until someone else pointed out to us that it was in fact called the WONKY Teapot.

Either way, if you’re in Uxbridge a want a hot beverage, you’d be advised to proceed with caution if the staff ask you if you want cream.

Is this the most pretentious thing ever?

January 30th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Everyone hates pretentious stuff, but sometimes, you can put up with it because you get to drink nice wine or eat wonderful food as a result. If people want to get all lovie about it while you stuff your face, then fine.

However, sometimes, it goes way, way beyond. You think wine experts are a pain in the hole? Wait until you read the flowery prose of a Water Sommelier.

You heard.

B8hQCA IgAEJzs4 Is this the most pretentious thing ever?

Spotted by Sophie Gadd, the water sommelier says that “the most important role for water during a meal is to perfectly complement the taste experience”, which means drinking glacéau smartwater, which according to their own website, is “vapor-distilled” and “inspired by the clouds”.

You can read the rest for yourself, but please don’t blame us if you end up kicking yourself out of a window in frustration and horror. We’re all just going to have to get used to the fact that there are people in the world who are paid to match your water with food.

You’ll notice though, that Arno Steguweit is Europe’s “only water sommelier” and that, thus far, they’re only offering one brand, almost like they’re sponsored.

Feel free to appoint yourself the world’s only special brew sommelier.

ScamWatch: Asda thieves post themselves stuff

January 30th, 2015 3 Comments By Ian Wade

Burglar Bill 001 300x180 ScamWatch: Asda thieves post themselves stuffBadman news now, some cheeky urchins have been making off with DVDs and the like from an Asda, using their own in store Post Office.

The Ellesmere Port branch in Cheshire has been forced to remove padded envelopes off the shelves after they realised that crooks were using them for a sneaky but genius bit of wrongdoing.

While it wasn’t the entire area doing it, Asda said it had narrowed it down to a small number of customers.

Asda was alerted to the scheme last month but it did not come to light until a baffled shopper questioned why envelopes had been moved from the other side of the shop to where the in store Post Office was.

In store staff confirmed the issue with one customer, who then shared it with the whole world via Facebook “It’s because people used to pick them off the shelves, stuff DVDs and such like into them from the store, then post it back to themselves..”

“So, stealing without taking anything out of the store. The Post Office then takes it away without you going through the alarm gate. You’ve got to hand it to the crims in the port, it was worth all the hassle just to hear that story!!” he added.

Asda remain unamused, commenting that they will be getting the police involved too. So there. “We take shoplifting very seriously and work with the local police to ensure this doesn’t happen in our stores,” a spokesperson said. “This allows us to continue to offer the low prices that customers expect from Asda.”

Squirrels eat man’s Toyota

January 29th, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

squirrel 300x248 Squirrels eat mans ToyotaA man who owns a Toyota Aygo reckons it’s being munched away by squirrels. Yes, you hear – squirrels!

Tony Steeles from Croydon said his car kept being targeted by hungry squirrel gangs, hell bent on feasting on the eco-friendly bits of the vehicle.

Mr Steeles first noticed teeth marks on his rubber areas, and suspected those varmints because only the roof was affected. Tony said: “I got a new car from Toyota. I’d not had it very long and I noticed that some of the rubber parts of the car, like the aerial, were being damaged.”

“So I had to call out the AA because the car had lights coming on the dashboard. He looked at it and said it’s rodent or squirrel damage.”

“So I took it back and got it repaired. This happened a few times and eventually I got it replaced. Since then I keep the car in the garage. I could see the teeth marks. It was definitely some sort of wildlife, and I thought it was a squirrel not a rat because the area affected was on the roof.”

Speaking to Auto Express, Mr Steele said: “The aerial’s been chewed off twice, the oxygen sensor’s been damaged and various rubber-like trim parts have been chewed.”

Handy tip, from someone who has been there: wasabi paste. Smear your aerial with that. Foxes don’t like wasabi paste. Even the fancy inner London ones.

A spokesman for Toyota told Auto Express: “We have had very few complaints of this occurring in the UK.” But said they would “investigate if any improvements can be made to the design of our products to deter rodents”. Mr Steeles added: “To be honest, Toyota have been quite good about it.”

Which is quite good really.

UPS throw your package and pee on your house

January 29th, 2015 3 Comments By Mof Gimmers

If you think you’ve had bad service from someone delivering a parcel, think again. The worst you go was unnecessary packaging, or maybe someone not knocking on the door when you’d stayed in to take the delivery.

Well, over in Houston, a UPS delivery man took it to the next level by lobbing a package over a fence and then taking a leak on the house he was delivering to.

Ben Lucas, the customer in question, has CCTV on his house and checked the footage after he got in and found his parcel all smashed up. And the best bit? Lucas was getting hundreds of dollars’ worth of ammo delivered, as well as chemicals and a gun-cleaning machine.

“You’re paying someone to take a package to go from point A to point B, so basically I paid someone to come to my house and pee on it,” Lucas ranted. “I don’t know how UPS trains their employees to go to the bathroom, but probably not someone’s yard.” He called UPS and offered to send them the offending video: “I just wanted them to hear me and maybe give me an email address where I could send them the video… they simply just didn’t want to see it.”

 

UPS didn’t apologise hard enough, more interested in the package than a man urinating on someone’s property, so Lucas thought he’d stick the video online to get his attention – most notably, on UPS’ Facebook page. It was then that someone from UPS took note and sent Lucas a “we’re sorry” card.

“I just wanted someone to say, ‘Yeah, he shouldn’t have done that — we’ll try to make sure that doesn’t happen again,’” Lucas added.

In a statement, the company said: “UPS was dismayed by actions that violated decency and delivery care. The local management team did take action to terminate the individual who was a seasonal delivery helper. However, they were wrong if they did not clarify this resolution with Mr. Lucas at the time. UPS sincerely apologises to our customer. No behaviour like this is acceptable.”

Terminate the individual? That seems a bit much UPS!

Tweetbot: victim of its own success

January 27th, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

Twitter Logo1 Tweetbot: victim of its own successTweetbot for Mac has been pulled from the Mac App Store. The third party app has hit a cap imposed by the social network on the number of users it can have.

Tweetbot originally started life on the Mac App Store back in October 2012, and has now the latest casualty of the Twitter rule of limiting new clients to 100,000 users.

The rule dates back to August 2012, when Twitter announced that any new app which was mainly used to access the users’ timeline would need explicit permission to have more than 100,000 users.

The post was widely seen as an attempt to kill off third-party Twitter clients, and eventually forced users onto the official Twitter app.

Mainly as Twitter cannot display adverts on third-party apps, and it has no control over which of its new features get rolled out when, you can imagine why they got a bit itchy about it.

While other apps have managed to escape such a fate – the rules were imposed in August 2012 – Tweetbot for Mac fell foul and is now ostracised. The ruthless world of social media!

EGGS 300x199 EasterWatch: Marmite and Pot Noodle eggs are now thingsCalm down the rioting, lovers of Pot Noodle and Marmite, for there IS an Easter egg for you after all.

Yes, Unilever have brought out Easter eggs for both their unique products, which they hope will ‘broaden the appeal of Easter’. Bloody Hell.

Each egg will have flavours of each product embedded within the chocolate, which may sound a bit mental, but actually might be quite nice. However, we at Bitterwallet can only go so far in fields of research, and will await public consensus before running to the nearest confectioners on this occasion.

Unilever has formed a partnership with the confectionery firm Kinnerton to deliver the chocolate egg which carries hints of Marmite and is promoted under the slogan ‘love it or hate it’.

Ah, they’re sticking with that slogan. One day Marmite will realise that people either love something or hate something in general, and their whole pitch will be rumbled.

The firm’s UK head of licensing Julie McCleave said: “Building on the success of our first ever Easter egg launch last year with iconic ice cream brands Magnum, Cornetto and Mini Milk, we wanted to bring something new to the Easter egg market once again for 2015. ”By broadening the appeal of the Easter egg fixture, we anticipate that the new additions will drive sales for retailers by offering an exciting new product from brands that consumers know and love.’

The Easter egg market is worth a whopping £365 million a year in the UK, so understandably, Marmite and Pot Noodle want in on a bit of that. Kinnerton’s Rachel Wyatt said: “Easter isn’t just for kids. We want to bring fun to Easter fixtures by using these two iconic brands. The Marmite Easter egg, which shoppers will either love or hate, combines Marmite with chocolate.”

‘Easter fixtures’. Good grief. Each egg will set you back a fiver.

Facebook cited in a third of divorce cases

January 23rd, 2015 1 Comment By Ian Wade

Bitterwallet Facebook censorship Facebook cited in a third of divorce casesFacebook has been cited in a third of divorce cases, according to a law firm’s survey.

Thankfully no one is actually cheating on their partner WITH Facebook, because that would be psychologically troubling.

Leeds law firm Lake Legal said that 66 out of 200 divorce cases they examined, had Facebook mentioned in not too wondrous tones. The main cause of grievances was when partners use the site to track down and befriend ex-shags, or been a bit odd with the truth, with various mutual friends pointing out any posts that they’ve seen from one party that excluded the other.

That’s basic social media etiquette, really. Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone. Least not your online presence. Honestly, there’s no helping some people.

Lake Legal’s managing partner, Lyn Ayrton said: “Social media provides an ongoing log of our lives. The sharing of written posts and pictures, often with geo-tagging, provides a record of activities that can be used in a court case.”

“Social media provides an ongoing log of our lives. The sharing of written posts and pictures, often with geo-tagging, provides a record of activities that can be used in a court case.”

“Often, if a partner refers to an impending bonus, a new job offer, or plans for a holiday, it may provide evidence that they are not telling the truth about their financial position. At the very least, it could call their credibility into question. It’s like having a massive public noticeboard.”

“Somebody said she was not in a relationship with anybody new but then posted a message inviting everybody to a housewarming party for her and her boyfriend.”

Well, they deserved everything they got, there…

Argos in racist doll fracas

January 23rd, 2015 7 Comments By Ian Wade

Argos have found themselves in a row. A RACE row about dolls. So they have.

The original click and collect front, have a white doll priced £10 more than their black and Asian offerings.

The white ‘Maria’ doll, made by French company Corolle Calin, is being sold on the Argos website for £34.99, while Asian and black dolls ‘Yang’ and ‘Naima’ are for sale for £24.99.

‘Yang’.

All the dolls are, like, the same and beautiful inside and of the same dimensions and on the manufacturer’s website all three are sold at the same price of £23.

A mum of three named Lisa O’Reilly from Lincs reckoned: “It’s unacceptable for children to think white is better or more desirable. It’s wrong for our youngsters to grow up thinking non-white skin colours are worth less.”

“There’s enough prejudice in the world already without battling against racist toys.”

Argos blamed it handily on a genuine pricing error and said it was urgently rectifying the problem. Why, even a spokesman chipped in with “[We] can confirm all three dolls will be priced at £24.99″.

So that’s alright then. Nothing like checking these things BEFORE they’re uploaded, eh.

cigarette packets 300x211 Manky lunged fag packets not denting smoking enoughAhead of similar moves over here in the UK, it looks like the whole ‘shoving cigarettes into distressing or plain black packaging’ thing seems to be working in Australia.

The British government looks set to vote on legislation at the next general election.

Australia have had the move in place since 2012, yet there’s been some disagreement as to whether it has made a blind bit of difference.

Australian smokers have been used to buying their snouts in plain packets for a couple of years now, with its depictions of rotted teeth and mank-lung, and so naturally the antis are saying “Hurrah!” and the tobacco industry are saying “Pffft”.

Figures from Australia’s Bureau of Statistics and the Department of Health show that by just about all measures cigarette smoking has decreased since plain packaging was introduced.

It also says that expenditure on tobacco products fell by more than A$100m (£53m, $80m) between December 2012 and March 2014. The figures for the first quarter of 2014 were the lowest ever recorded.

And there’s research that shows a considerable increase in the number of people calling quit-smoking advice lines. The cigarette companies are starting to see a decrease in sales, with Imperial Tobacco claiming the market has declined by 2-3%. Some suggest that this means smokers are fleeing to hooky suppliers with imported fags made up of barbed wire and sawdust. And with the average price for 20 fags in Australia being £12, who can blame them.

It is fair to say that the decline in smoking rates seems relatively small. But anti-smoking researchers say they were never expecting a huge drop-off, and that the plain packaging ruse was more about deterring new smokers from taking up the habit.

So ultimately, if it’s hardly having much affect in Australia, will it really win people over here?

UK set to spend more on fancy wines

January 21st, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

FineWineCellar 300x300 UK set to spend more on fancy winesThe UK is set to spend more on wine than the French in the next few years, according to vital research.

British boozers are increasingly flashing their cash on higher priced wines, rather than the traditional ’8 for a tenner’ deals that we’re used to

The UK actually spends an average of £7 a bottle now, and overall look set to splash out £11 billion by 2018, turning the UK in the second biggest vino market after the states, barring any wine-based scandals

By then, wine consumption will reach 1.54billion bottles – the equivalent of 22.5 litres per head – according to a forecast by International Wine & Spirit Research for wine exhibition Vinexpo.

In some ‘no shit sherlock’ findings, they also noticed that wine sales were down during the recession.

Prosecco is the main driver in the wine explosion, with a 43% rise in its sales in recent years. Speaking about these spurious and wild claims, Vinexpo’s Guillaume Deglise said: “We can say confidently that 2015 will show that the UK wine recession is over.”

“While the UK market shed 9.6million cases between 2008 and 2013, it is now past its low point. The UK wine trade is building value and many leading marketers report progress at the premium end”.

White wine is the UK’s favourite, with 676.7 million bottles bottles expected to be drunk this year, rising to 698.7 million bottles by 2018. Spanish reds like the Rioja are becoming more popular, as drinkers turn their backs on French wines such as Bordeaux, and sales from regions such as Chile, Australia and South Africa have also slumped somewhat too.

So, that’s why you’ve been seeing all those ‘wine o’clock’ comments from functioning alcoholics on Facebook and Twitter.

Wheelie bin given ticket by traffic warden

January 21st, 2015 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

We wouldn’t like to say that traffic wardens are pointless, dimwitted individuals, but you might after you hear about this.

In Carmarthen, a traffic warden is under investigation after they gave a parking ticket to a bin. That’s right. One of those big bins that are on wheels.

bin ticket 500x281 Wheelie bin given ticket by traffic warden

The bin was on some double-yellow lines and passers-by noticed the strange behaviour as the warden stuck a penalty charge notice to the rubbish receptacle.

Mercifully, Carmarthenshire council said that there was no ticket was inside the wrapper, so you have to assume that it was a joke by the warden. However, this being a council, they will still be looking into the traffic warden’s conduct.

Salesman Mike Jones told the BBC: ”It was bizarre – I realised I had just watched a warden give a ticket to a wheelie bin for bad parking. It appeared the warden slapped the plastic ticket envelope on the bin in a moment of high jinks after a member of public pointed out it was parked on double yellow lines.”

Carmarthenshire council traffic and safety manager John McEvoy said: “There was no ticket issued, it is not possible to book a wheelie bin or anything that is not motorised.”

“Although this was meant as a humorous incident, we take this kind of thing very seriously and have launched a formal investigation into the conduct of this officer.”