Free wireless charging at McDonalds!

January 9th, 2015 2 Comments By Ian Wade

mcdonalds logo Free wireless charging at McDonalds!McDonald’s are going to offer wireless charging in their grease-shacks.

The fast food chain are trying to get people to sit around their branches to make them look busier, and so that will work.

Teaming up with Aircharge, the Qi wireless charging devices will be mats that are wipe clean and water resistant and the service will be available in 50 McD’s London outlets, as well as other sites around the country.

Burger munchers will be able to use the service for free, presumably once they’ve bought something first. Then again, not everyone puts money in the till before having a McPiss do they?

The upcoming launch follows a successful trial in a limited number of restaurants.

Also, tellingly, the trial showed that customers were willing to wait up to 30 minutes just to use one of the charging mats. That’s a lifetime in a McDonald’s world, frankly.

The main problem here is that this technology only works with compatible phones, which are currently very few. If you have the Nexus 6 and Lumia 930, you’re in. If you’re not (ie The Majority Of You), then you’ll have to whistle. Or use a plug socket somewhere.

Ikea have come up with quite a clever advert as part of their ‘Wonderful Everyday’ campaign.

The ad sees flocks of t-shirts migrate back to homes with stylish Ikea storage solutions. It’s quite good. Have a butchers below. The 60-second ‘Joy of Storage’ commercial hits screens on 10th January across the UK and Ireland before print, digital and outdoor in the following weeks.

Ikea UK and Ireland marketing manager, Peter Wright, explained that the brand wants to move people’s thoughts away from seeing storage as simply a functional part of the home.

And he’s spouted a load of guff to back this up.

“Whether you have a detached house in the country or a one-bed flat in town, we know that there is joy and satisfaction in giving the things you love a home, whatever your storage needs are. The Joy of Storage is about the time saved and the stress reduced when you have things easily to hand, stored out of sight, or the freedom you get when things are in order.”

Freedom, everyone. FREEDOM.

Now you can build Lego with your EYES

January 8th, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

The Consumer Electronics Show is the gift that keeps on giving this week, as thousands of nerds descend on all the latest gadgets at a huge conference that inevitably smells like Lynx Africa and cider.

Now comes word of a new learning tool that will allow users to build LEGO with the eyes. THEIR EYES.

Eye-tracking software developer The Eye Tribe showed off an interface that allows users to build LEGO sets using just their eyes at the show.

And it’s not just fancy-dan futurism either, as the software has been used to control mobile devices, computers, gaming consoles and TVs. Now, they’re working with LEGO to provide a new way to build LEGO

“We’re extremely excited to be back at CES and to show how quickly we’ve advanced our products for mobile form factors,” said Sune Alstrup Johansen, CEO of The Eye Tribe. ”With our solution, OEMs can fast-track integration of real eye tracking. We want to bust the myth that it is an expensive and complicated affair.”

Martin Tall, chief technology officer of The Eye Tribe, added: “Our vision is to transition eye tracking from being an expensive lab equipment into every day products. Soon this technology will be integrated into a wide range of devices such as tablets and smartphones.

“It will enable you to interact with devices in ways that you only dreamed were possible. Devices will behave more intuitively, games will become more immersive.”

Yeah, impressive, but not as much fun as annoying other people as you rattle through a tub for particular pieces though, eh.

Introducing: The Belfie Stick

January 8th, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

So anyway, signs of the impending apocalypse. Let’s have a look down the checklist – Famine, War, Plague, Judgement etc- and let us now update that with the Belfie.

belfie 500x368 Introducing: The Belfie Stick

Yep, you’ll know the selfie taking stick that allowed you to be a narcissist at long distance, now with the Belfie, you can now take pictures of your arse.

As the website bugles: “With our bendable stick, you can position your back side without the need of a mirror and shoot the exact angle you are looking for. Bend in ways you never thought possible with our patent-pending design!”

Yes, a thought has become an idea and is now a reality and yet nobody thought WTAF at any point during the process.

Anyway, if you know someone who likes to fill their social networks with badly positioned shots of their bottom, get your arse over here. They’ll be forever thankful to you for this essential solution.

LG unveil amazing twin washing machine

January 7th, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

The Consumer Electronics Showcase is pulling them out of the bag this week, with news of LG’s Twin Wash washing machine.

While not a particularly new concept to anyone who can remember twin tub washers, LG’s Twin Wash will allow you to do two washes at once, wherein you can separate your big and bulker garments in the main drums and do your knickers in the smaller tub.

lg 500x274 LG unveil amazing twin washing machine

Basically, you can do two different loads at different temperatures at the same time, which seems devilishly simple as an idea, and lord knows how humanity went without it for quite so long.

According to LG, rather than being a single product, the secondary washer can be purchased separately and integrated with any of the company’s most recent front-loading machines.

In terms of the specs, the slim inverter direct-drive motor comes with a 10-year warranty as well as the company’s smart diagnosis feature. Which probably translates as good news to anyone who has ever had to lug a washing machine down four floors only to discover a massive bit of concrete in it.

“Today’s busy families consider laundry to be less like a chore and more like a chess match,” LG’s guv’nor David VanderWaal said, referring to figuring out competing settings for colours, whites, delicates and more. A mini-washing machine serving as a pedestal to a main washer lets laundry-doers “divide and conquer,” he continued. Jesus, it’s just some boxer shorts and a couple of t-shirts mate.

Obviously because the future, the system can use an LG HomeChat wireless network to let people monitor progress using smartphones: “We are going to help consumers spend less time in the laundry room and more time in the rooms where they want to be.”

So maybe, LG’s gonna be the one to save thee. Thanks after all, to Mr VanderWaal!

postman and his bike 208x300 Royal Mail refuses to deliver letters  including the letter that says they arent delivering lettersFor all the hoo ha surrounding Royal Mail and its services, the daily postal delivery service is something most of us take for granted. Unfortunately for some households in Huddersfield, their postal service has been suspended on safety grounds, but nobody has actually told them…

In July 2013, postman Jason Lee was viciously attacked by a dangerous dog that ate an actual chunk out of his arm. Although no criminal charges were brought, as the attack was on private property, a civil order required that the dog be kept locked away where it could not munch on passing delivery people. However, the dog is once again free to roam around and snack on whatever people it chooses, and Royal Mail are, understandably, not willing to let their employees risk severe injury for the sake of some letters. They have therefore taken the uncommon step of suspending deliveries to a small section in the Meltham area of Huddersfield. The only problem is that the residents don’t know their post has been stopped.

You see, it’s a bizarre catch 22- Royal Mail have written to the affected addresses advising them of the suspension of service, and that they need to collect their letters from the local Post Office, but have unfortunately been unable to deliver said letters because of the delivery ban.

Richard Noon, who helps runs Meltham Community post office, told the Huddersfield Examiner that there was a big influx of mail for the affected streets yesterday, adding: “We can’t get any answers from Royal Mail about what is happening. Customers will have to collect the mail themselves but people haven’t been told they have to go and pick it up.”

Royal Mail spokesman Morag Turnbull said: “We are putting posters up locally to make customers aware that they can collect their mail at the nearby Meltham Post Office until deliveries can be reinstated.”

“Whilst we always attempt to deliver letters to the affected customers advising them of the temporary arrangements unfortunately, as the dog has not been kept securely within the grounds of the property, we have been unable to do.”

“Suspension of delivery is always a last resort and we sincerely apologise to customers for the inconvenience.”

Royal Mail also said that, on average, around nine postmen and women a day are attacked by dogs across the UK with over 3,300 attacks taking place from April 2013 to April 2014.

British Heart Foundation logo.svg  230x300 Have a free health check with Tesco and the BHFTesco, along with The British Heart Foundation and Diabetes UK have agreed on a three-year partnership, which will see them combine forces and look to raise £30m to fund a series of initiatives to help people lead a healthy lifestyle.

To kick off activities, Tesco will be offering free health checks for 40,000 people during January at various stores around the UK.

Simon Gillespie, chief executive of the British Heart Foundation said: “We all must pay more notice to what and how much we are eating and drinking to maintain a healthy weight and heart. Half of us aren’t doing enough physical activity and this makes the situation much, much worse.”

So if having an NEW YEAR NEW YOU MOT to see if you’re in any danger from heart problems or diabetes, pop down to your local Tesco.

That’d be the Tesco that is currently selling chocolate, cigarettes and has a massive, massive booze aisle.

Behold! The finest job advert ever!

January 6th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

We’re aware that not everyone is internet-savvy, but sometimes, even the most phobic of technology must realise they’re making a complete balls-up of it all.

Take, for example, this wonderful job application spotted in a newspaper which contains a fantastically long URL, cut and pasted into the advert by some unfortunate.

As you pay-per-letter in newspaper adverts, this will have cost much more money than necessary, which makes it even more special.

B6p5KXoCUAAQCsU 375x500 Behold! The finest job advert ever!

The depressing thing is, there’s probably a good number of people who painstakingly copied the whole URL out into their browser to try and land the gig.

And yes, it does say ‘government’ in the URL.

 

Too often, corporate Twitter accounts and thunderously useless. Through these channels, the best you can hope for is pointless platitudes, overly long hashtags that no-one will use and, when the complaints come rolling in, a lot of shrugging while a team leader desperately phones a marketing team, shrieking like it’s the end of the world.

However, sometimes, they come up trumps.

One plucky scamp decided to tell everyone on his feed that he’d had a poo while on a Virgin Train and there was no toilet roll. Virgin leapt into action!

B6prjiJCUAApl 5 Virgin Trains: Helping you out when youve had a dump

As you can see, instead of simply ignoring the text or offering some vouchers 3 hours after the event, the social media team got someone to take some bogroll to our faecal friend.

That, ladies and gents, is how to do corporate social media properly.

funny shaped vegetables Wonky fruit and veg coming to an Asda possibly near you!Following the recent surveys about customers willing to buy wonky fruit and vegetables, Asda have now stepped up with a trial of putting any old crap on its shelves. This is also quite helpful, seeing as Jamie Oliver has made it his new crusade, trying to get shoppers to go for the warped among the beautiful.

The misshapen treats will be trialled in five of Asda’s branches – really going for it there, eh? – and if it takes off, will be rolled out to more stores.

Naturally, they’ve branded it, and that name is Beautiful On The Inside, which sounds more like a mid Noughties power ballad than a range of fresh veg, but hey.

It will be sold cheaper than the prettier produce and plans to make ‘ugly food more accessible’, which, again, smells of marketing clipboard bingo, and in a bid to get families into it, will feature characters such as Paul Potato, Suzie Swede, Alfie Apple and Penny Pear.

Jamie Oliver and his hanger on pal Jimmy Doherty will be highlighting food waste in their new series of Friday Night Feast. Said Oliver: “If most Brits had half an idea of the amount going to waste, they’d be snapping up ugly veg by the trolley load. There’s no difference in taste or nutritional value. This is perfectly good food that could and should be eaten by humans. When half a million people in the UK are relying on food banks this waste isn’t just bonkers, it’s bordering on criminal.”

The duo approached Asda and suggested running a trial in store to understand customer perceptions of wonky produce and whether they would be willing to buy it at a discount.

Asda’s produce technical director Ian Harrison backs it up with: “Even if fruit and veg have some knobbles and blemishes, this doesn’t affect the quality or taste – a carrot is still a carrot.”

“Customers are simply looking for great tasting, fresh produce at a value price. Our Beautiful On The Inside range, which would have either gone to waste or been used for further processing, will now be celebrated for its freshness, value and quality. The new specifications mean up to 20% more of a citrus crop, 15% more swede and 10% more potatoes could be sold fresh in-store”

So there you go. Wonky veg. You have no excuse to dismiss it now, you hounds.

Want Pat Butcher baps on your wall?

January 5th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Making your house your home is very important. Those magnolia walls need livening up with something that says you live there. Something that reflects your personality.

Your house needs these statement pieces so people know that, when they walk through your door, they nod approvingly and say ‘Yeah, this guy is totally a Naked Pat Butcher type of guy.’

That’s right. You can get some fine art from Amazon in the shape of a topless Pam St Clement print. And it’ll only cost you £24.99. Not bad as our Pam is worth at least £24.99 per boob.

61fH24OGOZL. SL1500  333x500 Want Pat Butcher baps on your wall?

The vendors say that your canvas is “framed and ready to hang” and that the kit they send with it will ensure “perfect positioning” and more. Of course, we’ve censored the image.

If you want to see it without the pixels, resplendent and boobilicious, then click here. Please send us pictures of your dirty Pam St Clement prints hung up in your living room at our Facebook or Twitter.

Netflix RIP

January 5th, 2015 5 Comments By Ian Wade

netflix transparent Netflix RIPIt looks like Netflix are cracking down on cheeky people using proxy servers and VPNs to enjoy their wares.

The online video vendor has various differences in its available content depending on which territory it serves, and with VPNs, people can get around such square restrictions and unlock the goodies. Basically, the UK one isn’t nearly as good as the US one, so by doing this, people are going to be very irritable indeed.

Some subscribers are claiming they received an error message when trying to circumvent the geolocation restrictions, according to TorrentFreak.com, while VPN provider TorGuard’s Ben Van der Pelt told the site some of its users had encountered the notification.

Pelt said: “A few weeks ago we received the first report from a handful of clients that Netflix blocked access due to VPN or proxy usage. This is the very first time I’ve ever heard Netflix displaying this type of error message to a VPN user.”

“I have a sneaking suspicion that Netflix may be testing these new IP blocking methods temporarily in certain markets. At this time the blocks do not seem aggressive and may only be targeted at IP ranges that exceed too many simultaneous logins,” he added.

Netflix have recently been under fire from film studios to try and enforce regional restrictions, due to differing distribution deals in place around Earth.

Netflix are denying it, but then they would, eh conspiracy believers?

One of these days, the entertainment industry is going to cotton on to the fact that a lot of people go through this conversation in their heads when accessing TV shows and the like.

Entertainment Industry: Stop stealing our stuff!
User: Okay, fine. Can I watch this TV show then?
Entertainment Industry: *Not Available In Your Region*
User:  Argh! *fires up a torrent*

Looks like a good number of customers will be cancelling their subscriptions, according to online complaints. This could be very bad news for Netflix indeed.

Royal Mint unleash new coins

January 2nd, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

50p Royal Mint unleash new coinsThe new £2 coin is now out and looks quite dashing. The tails side of it features the signing of the Magna Carta 800 years ago in June 1215.

The Royal Mint have tossed them into circulation as of New Years Day, and are now legal tender.

The signing of the Magna Carta agreement, was first drafted by the Archbishop of Canterbury in an attempt to make peace between England’s unpopular King John and a group of rebel barons.

Another of the £2 pieces carries a battleship design to commemorate the centenary of the First World War and the Royal Navy’s crucial role in the conflict.

And there’s also a 50p commemorating the 75th anniversary of the 1940 Battle of Britain with a fleet of aircraft.

“The Royal Mint has commemorated significant moments of national and cultural significance on its coins for over 1,000 years,” said Royal Mint director of circulating coin Andrew Mills.

2 pound Royal Mint unleash new coins“By the time these coins turn up in our change later in the year, they will be among the first UK circulating coins to feature the new portrait of the Queen, in what promises to be a very exciting and unusual vintage year for our coinage.”

The three new coin designs have been revealed just days after the Royal Mint announced it would produce 50,000 new commemorative £100 coins featuring Big Ben, which have been minted to celebrate the start of the new year.

And don’t forget, there’s also a £100 coin, if you want such a thing. They’re being sold at face value and will be getting flogged on eBay soon enough, to collectors for more than the value of the coin (so get on that, sharpish for some easy money).

Most Brits have internet regrets

January 2nd, 2015 No Comments By Ian Wade

facebook user 300x193 Most Brits have internet regretsThe average adult has 17 ‘internet regrets’ after posting something they wish they hadn’t, according to a new thing.

The typical Brit apparently deletes ten posts a year from their social networks, when they sober up or just basically come to their senses.

From rants about bosses, or photos of them with their knickers around their ankles or having uokhun? style outbursts get deleted from feeds when the user has usually had a word from a concerned friends.

Sam Allcock of Custard Online Marketing, who are behind the study of 2,000 people, said: “In the last 10 years, the number of Brits using social media has grown rapidly – even our grandparents are on Facebook now. But it’s important to remember how many people have access to our photos, status updates and even our reaction to other people’s behaviour online.”

“It’s perhaps not surprising that so many adults have regrets lurking on their social media profiles, as our frequent access to smartphones and tablets makes it easier for us to post photos and comments at times we really shouldn’t. We suspect that everyone has made the mistake of posting too much information online, so at least it’s something everyone can relate to.”

Allcock added: “Alcohol can play a big part in the amount of regrettable social media posts – it’s a bad mix.”

There’s a Top 15 of the most popular internet regrets so let’s look at it:

1. Unflattering photographs
2. Raucous, drunken photos
3. Immature comments
4. Boring status updates
5. Over-emotional outbursts
6. Posts giving an opinion I no longer have
7. Photos of me, doing things I shouldn’t have done
8. Photos of me in skimpy clothing/underwear
9. Loved up or soppy comments about an ex or partner
10. Bad language
11. Controversial opinions that people get offended at
12. Jokes in bad taste
13. Bitching about someone
14. Vain selfies
15. Pictures of food

McDonald’s bring back the McRib

January 2nd, 2015 1 Comment By Ian Wade

McDonald’s McRib sandwich is back. Back. BACK.

Yes, after 12 years and 20,000 pleas across social media, the fast food gulag is reinstating the sarnie onto its menus as of RIGHT NOW. Naturally engagement demands that there’s a hashtag – #theMcRibisback – to drive one time devotees back into its arms.

They also send up obsessives with an advert, which according to McDonalds: “This teaser Mockumentary celebrates the UK’s love for the McRib. To its loyal fans, it’s quite simply iconic.”

However, it’s not forever. It will be on sale up until February 3rd.

So stuff your kale smoothies and your NEW YEAR NEW YOU routine up its arse, and blow your calorific intake on a McRib while you can. Good thing it is available for a limited as hardening your arteries never felt so good.