Anyone for an Ebola toy?

October 15th, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Want to get your loved one something special for Christmas this year? Maybe you want to get them a weekend break in Italy? Perhaps you want to buy them jewellery?

Or maybe you want to buy them some Ebola?

Well, if the latter is your thing, we’ve got just the thing as there’s an Ebola plush toy you can buy from a company called GIANTmicrobes®, who are dedicated to making toys “designed as a teaching tool to help small children learn about the importance of handwashing.”

ebola toy Anyone for an Ebola toy?

It’ll set you back $9.95 for one a million times the size of actual Ebola, or if you’d like a gigantic version, that’ll cost you $29.95, with an additional $14.95 for the accompanying petri dish.

You’d be advised from avoiding taking your Ebola onto a plane though, for fear of men in frightening suits coming to throw you off onto the airport tarmac.

Click here if you want to buy one.

Free prawn sandwich with Roy Keane books

October 11th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Roy Keane has been having a pop at just about everyone on Earth in his latest book.

Tesco, ignoring their recent troubles, decided to have a giggle at the whole thing and do a creative/sarcastic promotion for the book by offering prawn sandwiches to those who bought a copy.

BzqpII3IMAA3BiN 333x500 Free prawn sandwich with Roy Keane books

 

Well played Tesco.

[via @Fozzington]

Wee in the shower- save time, money and water

October 10th, 2014 5 Comments By Thewlis

shower 300x200 Wee in the shower  save time, money and waterWhile some people might think there are more sanitary things to worry about, saving water on toilet flushing is not a new idea- you can already buy things to put inside your cistern to prevent the tank filling, giving you a smaller and less powerful but more economical flush (although this can presumably cause its own problems on certain occasions)- and who can forget the questionable “if it’s yellow, let it mellow” approach to flushing.

But although this latest news might sound like a toilet humour joke, some students at the University of East Anglia (UEA) have actually launched a campaign to encourage people to take a slash in the shower instead of using the toilet. The campaign is called Go with the Flow.

Students Chris Dobson and Debs Torr have looked into it and have calculated that the water saving benefits could be huge. They said that if all of UEA’s 15,000 students took their first wee of the day whilst they were having their morning shower, they could save enough water over a year to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool 26 times.

But in case Olympic swimming pools aren’t enough to incentivise you, they’ve also calculated how much money you would save by not flushing that first time in the morning. Based on a cost of two pence per flush, you could save £7.30 annually. Presumably this saving is per person who would otherwise have flushed, meaning student houses could save a fortune.

But don’t worry about the hygienic aspects, the campaign has got that covered because the students spoke to a professor (of wee?) and researched the potential health risks of weeing in the shower before they started the campaign. “As long as the water is flowing there is no hygiene risk as urine is sterile,” they said, although they did add that they would “encourage that every person using the same shower consents to the challenge and if not that they don’t take part.” We foresee some interesting house share meetings.

The two students are representing UEA in the Npower Future Leaders Challenge to inspire students to come up with an environmental initiative for their campus.

Mr Dobson said: “We’ve done the maths, and this project stands to have a phenomenal impact. Imagine how big an impact it could have if we could get everyone in East Anglia, or even the UK, to change their morning habits.

But he did admit that “the campaign has been really divisive – people either seem to love it or hate it.” Funny that.

Still, if you need one final thing to convince you to wee down your own legs, you can win one of 15 £10 vouchers by going on Facebook or Twitter and telling all of your (former) friends and followers that you wee in the shower, using the hastag ‘#gowiththeflow’.

Spamwatch: Emma Watson

October 10th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

emma watson sofia vergara 300x156 Spamwatch: Emma WatsonPoor old Emma Watson – she’s become the latest front for an internet virus.

Ads claiming to have nudey footage of the Harry Potter star are actually trojans riddled with malware.

Serves you right if you’re that type of person into leaked celebrity baps to be honest.

Bitdefender’s cooly-named Chief Security Strategist, Catalin Cosoi, told Digital Spy: “It all starts with a Facebook comment promising to reveal private or leaked videos of Emma Watson”.

“The comments are automatically posted by users infected with the malware. As is the case with many Facebook scams, victims end up as marketers for cyber-crooks.”

“When users click on the malicious links, they are redirected to a salacious YouTube copycat. Future victims are then asked to update their Flash Player to the latest secured version of Video Player, as an error allegedly prevents them from watching the leaked videos of Emma Watson.”

As if you needed reminding, trojan malware is a bastard, and will rifle through your computer for anything stealable.

Disguised by the Flash Player icon, Trojan downloads the infected components into computer files. The videos themselves are hosted by a fake YouTube account, identified by the Anonymous Guy Fawkes avatar in the left hand corner.

So anyway. Norks on the internet. More harm than good.

Amazon actually on the high street

October 10th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

amazoninstant Amazon actually on the high streetAmazon is opening its first proper shop.

Yes, having pretty much decimated the high street with selling its wares on the internet, the online behemoth has decided to set up an actual proper shop.

However it’s in New York. By the Empire State Building. Oh.

The 7 West 34th Street location will act as a mini-warehouse, but also cater for same-day deliveries in the city, product exchanges and customers picking up orders they have placed online, the Wall Street Journal claimed.

Which is a bit like Argos if you think about it.

Amazon may also use the store to showcase products such as its Kindle e-reader, Fire smartphone and Fire TV set-top box. The company have been scouting out locations for a shop for a while now, possibly in Seattle where the company is based.

This new shop is being deemed an experiment, and if it doesn’t go tits up, there’ll be more shops rolling out across the planet before you know it.

A survey by retail agency Live & Breathe last year found that 31% of shoppers want Amazon to open physical shops on the UK high street, because they needed to go outside occasionally, and sitting about in a gloomy precinct overrun by tat seemed preferable.

Red Bull: No wings pay-out

October 10th, 2014 2 Comments By Ian Wade

red bull 300x199 Red Bull: No wings pay outRed Bull customers have been hammering them for a payout, after they were sued for false advertising.

It turns out that the slogan “Red Bull gives you wings”, which the company had been using for over a decade is false. It doesn’t actually give you wings.

SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU THIS WAY.

Anyone who felt slighted by not obtaining wings after glugging down the syrupy energy gloop, can now take advantage of a cash reimbursement from Red Bull, after they set $13 million aside into an account.

No. Seriously.

Figuring that it would quietly die down, the company’s website has now been inundated with claims, with the likelihood of the settlement devaluing somewhat from the initial $10 to less than $3, due to an internet storm.

The site has been visited over four million times now, but as no proof of purchase is needed – anyone could feasibly waltz in and say that they broke their back jumping from a block of flats under the proviso that wings would occur, and that’d be cool apparently.

You have until March 2015 to claim your pay-out (which will be next-to-nothing) if you were in anyway affected by the lack of wings.

Of course, if they had advertised it as ‘Red Bull gives you a massive headache and buggers about with your sleep patterns’ then there’d be none of this palaver.

God help us if there’s a war.

fat blogger 294x300 Charging your phone in a bedroom makes you fatHere’s a thing you probably didn’t know – charging your phone in your bedroom while you sleep is making you fat.

That’s the slightly barmy findings from a study by the University of Granada.

They reckon that artificial light from phone screens, street lights, laptops or television stops the body generating a hormone that combats obesity.

So that’s why you’re lardy, obviously. Not those 8 packets of shortbread fingers and a share bag of Doritos you had after your tea, all by yourself. It’s your phone’s screen.

You need Melatonin to regulate sleep patterns and it is a powerful anti-inflammatory that boosts the metabolism.

The scientists resorted to trying it out on rats, and saw that increased consumption of the hormone made them lose weight and also fought type two diabetes. Naturally they believe it can have the same effect on humans. Countries around the world are starting to strain at the edges due to an increase in obesity rates and diabetes.

Professor Agil, who lead the study, said: “Currently this process is frequently interrupted, as a result of excessive exposure to artificial lightning during the night, which reduces the levels of endogenous melatonin. For instance, many people are in the habit of sleeping with their lamps, televisions or their computers switched on, or with the blinds drawn up.”

“For all these reasons, it is important to try to sleep in absolute darkness, to avoid interference in the generation of melatonin.”

So there you have it.

Crush your car with MoneySuperMarket!

October 8th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

cars 300x200 Crush your car with MoneySuperMarket!Price comparison website MoneySuperMarket are offering everyone the option to crush their cars!

The website wants to get people across the country thinking about ‘crushing’ car insurance quotes by giving them the opportunity to crush a real car.

You there, in social media land, can use The Car Insurance Epic Car Crusher, which is a 6000 kilo robotic hand over the next two days.

Controlled from MoneySuperMarket’s Facebook page, it will offer four entrants an hour the chance to crush a car. And if you’re unlucky there, in the waiting hub you will also be able to play a car racing game, watch a live feed of cars being crushed and view the gallery of cars destroyed previously.

This is too much for a Wednesday, no?

David Harling, head of digital at MoneySuperMarket, said: “We wanted to demonstrate in a very ‘real’ way just how powerful our price comparison site is in crushing car insurance quotes and this activity was the perfect fit, playing to every driver’s secret desire to obliterate a car in true movie villain style.”

“The execution is in keeping with the ‘epic’ tone of our creative executions and gives car drivers across the country a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity they’ll be bragging to friends about for weeks.”

‘Engagement and destruction’. It’s like Ballard or something.

How much for the world’s most expensive burger?

October 7th, 2014 3 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Restaurants love getting things that aren’t usually expensive and then tarting them up so they’re wildly pricey. It’s cheap PR and, in this instance, we’re suckers for meat on bread.

We’ve already drooled over pizza burgers and the fabulous nine-patty burger on Bitterwallet, and now we’re looking at some place in Chelsea called Honky Tonk who claim to have made the world’s most expensive burger.

We’ve already seen the most expensive ready-meal at £314, but this burger dwarfs the price of that, coming in at a whopping and preposterous £1,100.

worlds most expensive burger 500x332 How much for the worlds most expensive burger?

So what makes this burger so good then?

Well, it is embellished with gold leaf, lobster and caviar for a kick off, and has 220g of wagyu beef and 60g of venison in it too. In the middle of the burger, there’s a black truffle Brie that creates a “liquid pocket” once cooked.

The whole thing is seasoned with Himalayan salt and the lobster is poached in Iranian saffron. There’s also maple syrup bacon, hickory smoked duck egg and the aforementioned beluga caviar and gold leaf.

 

The bun isn’t just some crusty cobbler from down the shops. It is seasoned with Japanese matcha, which is a sort of green tea powder and for a bit of wet, there’s cream mayonnaise and a mango and champagne jus and grated white truffle.

It has over 2,000 calories and has the awful name of ‘The Glamburger’ and is a publicity stunt created in tandem with those gits at Groupon, who just so happen to be giving one of the burgers away for free. Sadly, you’ll have to go to Chelsea and put up with all the Hooray Henry sorts and women in riding boots called Chlamydia.

Online murder will be a thing by end of 2014

October 6th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

cyber crime 300x223 Online murder will be a thing by end of 2014In Cheer Up! It May Never Happen news, security experts reckon that the first online murder could be committed by the end of 2014.

Criminals who know their way around a computer, could use the internet’s power for bad and do stuff like taking control of medical aids like pacemakers and insulin, causing havoc.

Officers at the European policing agency Europol said it expected a rise in injury and possible deaths caused by hacking attacks on critical safety equipment.

And not at all sounding slightly hysterical, they have warned that governments were ill-prepared to combat the looming threat of so-called ‘online murder’.

In other ‘putting ideas into people’s heads’ examples, they believe crooks could use the web to carry out new forms of extortion and blackmail, such as locking people out of their homes or cars before payment of a ransom. Although it’s not all future fear, as security breaches already identified include the hacking of webcams. A couple in Texas reported that a hacker was able to shout abuse at a two-year-old after exploiting a flaw in their baby monitor.

The US health authorities ordered hospitals to improve security after identifying problems with 300 medical devices and amid reports that malware (malicious software) had slowed down monitors used for high-risk pregnancies.

So yeah. Connect every aspect of yourself up to the internet. It may end in MURDER (works best if said like the start of Hart to Hart).

tesco bag 300x187 Tesco buy private jet, which adds to their woesYour daily update of what future historians will probably refer to as ‘The Fall of the Tesco Empire’ sees them troubled chain in a private jet crisis.

They’ve just taken delivery of a brand new Gulfstream G550 plane, which timing-wise has not gone down terribly well with investor.

New chief executive Dave Lewis had already ordered that the chain’s fleet of private jets be destroyed by fire* (*sold off), in a bid to sort out the supermarket’s current debacle of overstating its profits by £250 million.

However its claimed that the plane was paid for 20 months ago, and turned up coincidentally during the worst week imaginable for Tesco.

Tesco, whose market share price has plummeted by nearly 50% this year, already had a fleet of four private jets.

Quite why though, no-one is being particularly forthcoming. Is the new hudl2, which Tesco unveiled last week, going to pay for it? Or the death of BlinkBox? Tesco will be hoping so.

Charge your phone in a phonebox!

October 6th, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

 Charge your phone in a phonebox!The humble telephone box. It’s a part of British life, even if 90% of them are unoperational now.

Now after a few attempts to make them into things, they’re now being transformed into solar-powered charging points for mobile phones.

The first of six trial Solarbox boxes was launched in Tottenham Court Road up that London, and gives you 20% of power in ten minutes.

However you will have to sit through ten minutes of adverts while you wait, but, you know, depends on how desperate you are.

Entrepreneurs Harold Craston and Kirsty Kenny are behind the idea, which is all jolly good and that, but they want to repaint the red boxes green, which looks a bit ghastly.

Mr Craston said: “I lived next to a phone box in my second year at uni and walked past it every day. I thought, “there are 8,000 of these lying unused in London and we must be able to find a use for them”.

Finally! A use for phone boxes other than urinating spots for the homeless and sex shelters for drunk divorcees!

Look at the state of this chartered accountant

October 3rd, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Initially, we were going to say ‘here’s a picture of Jonathan Franks, a chartered accountant, presented without comment’.

However, it really is very difficult to look at a berk in a suit, posing with a guitar, trying to jazz up a chartered accountancy advert without thinking of all the swear words simultaneously, as well as being flooded with irritation and looming pity.

Seriously. There were so many opportunities to make sure this photo didn’t happen, yet…

BaltFA8CEAADjJA 500x375 Look at the state of this chartered accountant

This photo was stolen from a twitter account.

Deathwatch: short telephone numbers

October 2nd, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

woman on the phone 243x300 Deathwatch: short telephone numbersFive areas of the UK are facing a telephone crisis.

People now have to dial the full area code to telephone local homes and businesses – as regulators claim we as a nation ,are running out of landline numbers.

The change, which came into effect on Wednesday, covers Aberdeen (01224), Bradford (01274), Brighton (01273), Middlesbrough (01642) and Milton Keynes (01908).

It now means you have the additional faff of putting in the area code as well as the number. Just like you do on a mobile.

This is a move from that Ofcom to create nearly one million new numbers for these locations.

Ofcom is also planning to implement the same system in Oxford, Slough and Stoke-on-Trent from some point after 2016, and its likely that many more areas will follow in the near future. Among the many other locations under possibility are Swindon, Hull, York, Norwich, Guildford, Warwick Bath and Motherwell.

Add to that, the general palaver of local businesses changing paperwork and letterheads, or having to dial an entire takeaway full number. Beak times. Ofcom cannot allocate local phone numbers where the first digit is 0 or 1. This is because the network computers may confuse the number with other existing dialling codes or with a number reserved for special use.

For example, the system would recognise 07 as a mobile number, 08 as a special rate, or 118 as directory enquiries.

Once consumers are required to use the national code, thousands of new numbers beginning 0 or 1 can be offered to families or businesses. Bournemouth have been at it since 2012. Get them.

A spokesman said: “Requiring landline callers to use the code locally is intended to safeguard the future supply of new landline numbers and avoid the need for more disruptive measures, such as changing existing phone numbers. The supply of new landline numbers also ensures that consumers and businesses continue to enjoy the widest choice of telecoms providers.”

“The cost of calls will not be affected, and those who dial without the area code after the change will hear a recorded message asking them to include it. The measure was first implemented in Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole (the 01202 code area) in November 2012 and the process ran smoothly.”

Modern life there ladies and gents.

wine Brits spend more on prostitutes and drugs than on wine and beerThe Office of National Statistics have unveiled some figures on British spending habits and there’s quite a surprising result in amongst the crunched numbers.

If you think we collectively drink a lot of wine and beer, it’s nothing compared to  how much we spend on drugs and prostitutes.

This is the first time the ONS have included narcotics and sex workers into their calculations of Gross Domestic Product in order to ensure “comparability in measuring Gross National Income across EU countries.”

So here’s the kicker: In 2013, Brits spent £11bn on wine and beer, while spending £12.3bn on prostitutes and illegal drugs.

The figure for the procurement of sex workers in £4.3bn alone, with the rest disappearing up noses and the like. Drugs are split into crack cocaine, powder cocaine, amphetamines, ecstasy and imported and home produced cannabis, worth £6.7bn a year according to the ONS.

So the real story is this: British people spend over £23bn on having a really fun time.