The staff forgot to put some oinker on her burger and, instead of getting staff to sort it out, she whipped out a gun and fired it through the drive-thru window.
Police reports say Shaneka Monique Torres and her pal had ordered a meal from a McDonald’s in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Staff ballsed the order up so the manager offered the pair a free meal the next time they were in the area.
Later, around 3am, the pair returned for more McDonald’s grub. However, the staff messed the order up again, forgetting to put bacon on Shaneka’s bun. The way Torres deals with poor customer service, it seems, is to jump out of your car and fire a single round through a drive-thru window.
Mercifully, no-one was injured in the incident.
It doesn’t end there. Apparently, before she shot up a building, Torres had been flirting with the manager who offered her the free meal. So much so that they’d exchanged numbers. Of course, this made it incredibly easy for the police to find the trigger happy troublemaker and she was promptly arrested for committing three felonies and Judge Kimberly Schaefer set a bail of US$50,000.
14th February is just around the corner (it’s on Friday, in case you need reminding). A day when singletons everywhere sing Eric Carmen and cry into their pillows. Unless you are an enterprising young lady from London that is.
“Brave” Hope Anscomb has auctioned the opportunity to take her out on a date on Friday. It’s a win win win situation- she gets a date, a similarly desperate young man (or young woman) also gets a date and Hope’s chosen charity (the Autism Trust) gets a wodge of cash.
In addition to a free meal at an Italian restaurant in central London, paid for by Ms Anscomb, the lucky winner can expect:
“Charm and wit (majority will be charm)
The chance to brag to your mates that you did something stupid and all in the name of charity
An honorary mention in my blog(!!) and my upmost respect for the rest of your days”
How can you resist?
Hope told The Evening Standard: “I am actually getting quite nervous… when I spoke to my friends and family they said I was insane.”
Interested parties may be dismayed to discover that Hope’s auction has now ended, with a final selling price of £621. Nevertheless, some other lonely women have jumped on the bandwagon, at a bargain 99p start, so whether you like Thai models in Hull *, or pink cupcakes in Coventry, get yourself a smashing Valentine’s deal…
* caveat emptor. Thai model describes herself as ‘used’.
Everyone loves a bit of sausage on Valentine’s Day, so how about a salami bouquet? From $50, you can despatch some meat to your loved one via Olympic Provisions.
Offered in 3, 6, and 13 stem bouquets:
- The 3 stem includes 1 Italian salami, 1 French salami, and 1 Spanish salami
- The 6 stem includes 2 Italian salami, 2 French salami, 1 Spanish salami, and 1 Greek salami
- The 13 stem includes one of each of the 12 salami and 1 chocolate salami.
What an amazing world we live in.
There’s a new cafe in Los Angeles called ‘Dumb Starbucks Coffee’ which uses the same logo as the infamous coffee behemoth and, remarkably, the owners think they’re not breaking the law in doing so.
The shop say they’re a parody, so they’re allowed to poke fun at Starbucks and they also sell CDs selling ‘dumb jazz standards’ and ‘some dumb Norah Jones duets’ and you can gargle a ‘dumb Venti’.
As jokes go, it is rather one-dimensional. For anyone confused, they have a fact sheet.
“Although we are a fully functioning coffee shop, for legal reasons Dumb Starbucks needs to be categorize as a work of parody art. So, in the eyes of the law, our ‘coffee shop’ is actually an art gallery and the ‘coffee’ you’re buying is considered the art. But that’s for our lawyers to worry about. All you need to do is enjoy our delicious coffee!”
The way around this is that the cafe doesn’t charge for the drinks, so with no commercial gain to be had, it can certainly work under parody law, protected by the First Amendment.
We await Starbucks’ lawyers.
Kanye West has been chest-beating like no other recently, making mental albums, crowing about leather jogging pants and of course, his own Nike trainers, the Yeezy.
Nike dropped the Nike Air Yeezy 2 ‘Red October’ boots like Beyonce dropped her album and, similarly, everyone has gone crackers over them.
The trainers sold out in minutes and soon, they started appearing on eBay thanks to canny shoe-touts with frighteningly expensive price-tags.
One such auction seems to be poking fun at the whole thing and has some Red Yeezies up in advance of £10 million!
If eBay aren’t sensing the humour, they could well send the debt collectors round to collect the millions bidded for these frankly ghastly sneakers.
If you’d like to bid or keep tabs on the shoes, have a look here. What’s the most you’d spend on trainers? You all look like £4 two-stripe knock-offs from the market from here.
A lady is being investigated by the police after she rode into a Tesco on horseback as a dare. The terrifically named Inky Ralph was filmed riding into the supermarket in Bishop Auckland and downing some fizzy pop as part of a Neknomination challenge.
Neknomination is the game where someone dares you to neck some booze within a 24 hour timeframe. Then you dare someone else to do the same. That shouldn’t be a problem with you yellowing alecans though.
Anyway, the woman enters the shop on her horse (Harvey) and is confronted by a security guard, followed by an announcement on the tannoy asking for a manager.
Inky, possibly posh, then turns to the camera and nominates her mates to complete their own challenge. She then dares the security guard.
Inky said: “It was something nobody else had done. It was just harmless fun. Everybody seems to find it really funny. I didn’t realise how far it would spread and how many people would see it. I have had messages from as far as Australia and people are calling me a legend.”
Chief Inspector Sue Robinson, of Durham Constabulary, said: “On Monday afternoon police were called by staff at the Tesco store in St Helen Auckland reporting a number of young women had been in the premises, with one of them riding a horse. They allegedly threatened a member of staff before leaving a few minutes later.”
“Officers have viewed the in-store security footage as well as the video clip which has been circulating on social media. Those involved are believed to be well-known to both staff at the store and to ourselves and we will be arranging for them to attend their local police station at the earliest opportunity.”
“At this stage we are trying to establish what criminal offences might have been committed and discussions have taken place with the RSPCA in regards to the welfare of the horse. It goes without saying this was a senseless and foolish thing to do. There were a number of shoppers in the store at the time and it is fortunate no one was hurt.”
Ever taken a ride on a bicycle and thought “hey, I like this getting around on two wheels lark, but I wish there was a way of enhancing the experience somewhat”?
Then HELP IS AT HAND with Trotify.
Trotify describes itself as ‘a delightful addition to any bicycle for a rider who likes a touch of whimsy. Simply attach the wooden device to the front of your bike. As your front wheel spins, it mimics the sound of a horse trotting’.
Oh yes, this is a thing now.
If this sounds like your nosebag, take a canter along to Trotify.com where you can order one, and perhaps some mugs and a tote too.
It’s the year of the horse after all.
The folks over at M.E.N. have stumbled across a story where a woman called 999, trapped inside a Miss Selfridge store.
The lady in question called the emergency services after she was trying clothes on for so long that all the staff closed up and went home. She must take an age getting ready before going out, eh readers?
The paper said:
“The shopper rang police shortly before 8pm last night to say she was trapped inside the city centre shop and needed help.”
“Around five minutes later police received another call from the woman to say staff had returned to the Market Street store and let her out.”
A Greater Manchester Police spokesman indeed verified that a lady had called 999 at 7.57pm on Wednesday evening after getting locked inside the shop.
Ever wanted to fire a jet of your goo down a dark hole? Ever wanted to obliterate a load of compacted brown stuff with your powerful, arcing liquid?
Well, you should visit www.EveryHolesaGoal.com which will allow you to do exactly that.
Of course, this is a bawdy marketing campaign by Buster, who make gunk that unblocks sinks and the such. If you like your products on the side of FNARR!, then this is the one for you, pappy.