Domino’s let you order pizza with a single button

November 23rd, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

dominos logo 300x300 Dominos let you order pizza with a single buttonDomino’s are creating a dream for the magnificently lazy among you – ‘The Easy Order’ system, which allows you to order a pizza to your door by hitting one button.

Here’s you, using your stupid digits to press a series of things on a phone or whatever. You could just thud your fist in the general direction, and basically get someone to throw the pizza into your mouth for you. Sort of.

The Limited Edition Easy Order is a literal button, which syncs with your mobile over Bluetooth and places an order for your favourite pizza with your local Domino’s outlet. Once pressed, it glows red and you’ll know that a pizza is coming your lazy way.

If you want one, Domino’s are holding a competition to some ‘superfans’, with the details being released in December. Of course, the grease vendors will offer a virtual version of the button on their app and website, if you want in… but that seems a little pointless.

Here is what the button looks like. You can almost see it gathering dust in a drawer somewhere, after being used twice, can’t you?

Lovely stuff.

EO1 3507544b 500x312 Dominos let you order pizza with a single button

Fancy a cherry and chocolate sandwich?

November 18th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

All the shops and food-retailers get in the Christmas spirit with some special products. You’re not experiencing the yule period properly unless you’ve burned your insides with a Greggs ‘Festive Bake’.

Well, Tesco are getting in on the action with something that is… well… mystifying. That’s not to say we won’t try it. You can get, in the Meal Deal, a cherry and chocolate sandwich.

wtf sandwich 500x375 Fancy a cherry and chocolate sandwich?

Are chocolate and cherry sandwiches a proper Christmas thing that completely passed Bitterwallet by?

Either way, you can get the sarnie, which is billed as a chocolate and cherry marscapone on cinnamon bread affair. Sounds like pudding, rather than a main.

It’ll cost you £1.80, and it’ll sit alongside the usual turkey, pork and apple and whatnot sandwiches, as usual. Go on. Buy one and review it for us.

[image c/o of Nic Soapdish]

Lego make brick proof slippers!

November 17th, 2015 11 Comments By Mof Gimmers

There’s no pain quite like the one you feel when you stand on a Lego brick. It doesn’t just hurt your foot – it hurts your very soul. So with that, Lego have teamed up with a company called Brand Station, to create a pair of slippers that will eliminate the excruciating agony of standing on a stray piece of Lego.

And here they are.

lego slippers Lego make brick proof slippers!

Under foot, these slippers have a special protective layer, so that you could basically walk through a forest of Lego bricks, and you won’t feel any pain.

There is some bad news on this front – Brand Station have only made 1,500 pairs of these special slippers, and they’re being given away at random to people who fill out a Christmas wish list on the Lego France website.

They need to roll these out across the world – they might just save us all from foot trauma this Christmas.

Fancy a fight? Rumblr is the app for you

November 9th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Fancy yourself as a hard man do you? Wish there was a way of organising fights without having to spend all that money down the pub? Well, you might be in luck.

Someone has come up with an app called Rumblr, which you use like Tinder, however you swipe for scraps and a bit of pagga.

rumblr 500x291 Fancy a fight? Rumblr is the app for you

If you’ve had a hard week at work, and have a load of pent-up frustration you want to get out of your system, you could get the app, and be getting the living crap knocked out of you behind a car park. You could be happily getting kicked in the throat by a complete stranger, smiling to yourself knowing that this fight you’re in, is consensual.

Naturally, there’s a lot of people who are very unhappy about this, because they think fighting it idiotic and are now wondering ‘what has the world come to eh?’

On the app, you and other people who desperately want to touch each other will be able to check out each other’s stats like weight, stature and whether or not you’ve got any combat experience. Or, if you’re into that sort of thing, you can use the app to watch other people go at it, and not join in with the fights.

You can get Rumblr here, from today

A Tesco in Wales has created what they think is Britain’s first ever job dedicated to untangling Christmas lights. How very zany.

It is a temporary role, for 4 weeks, and will need that special someone to “relieve some of the stresses often associated with the Yuletide season, specifically, tangled tree lights”. The supermarket will hire someone who can “conquer one of the most frustrating jobs of Christmas” and become “the UK’s first ever dedicated Christmas Tree Lights Untangler.”

“The position will require a friendly helpful demeanour, oodles of patience and of course, the innate knack to be able to untangle even the most scrambled of wires. The successful applicant will work full time in the lead up to Christmas, showing that “Every Little Helps”, lending their nimble fingers to customers while they shop.”

untangler 500x500 Tesco advertise for a Christmas Tree Light Untangler

If you actually want this job, then you must be ‘genuinely passionate about Christmas’ and have the ability to untangle three metres of Christmas tree lights in less than three minutes.

And  you’ll get paid the same as someone who works for Tesco as a customer service employee. If you want to apply for this gig, then click these differently coloured words.

Merry humbug.

Dead frog found in McDonald’s wrap

November 4th, 2015 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

If you order a McDonald’s chicken wrap, you probably don’t expect to find a whole, dead frog in it do you? If you do expect that, then you’re a special kind of cynical.

Ten-year-old Cordellia Buckley stopped at a Maccies with her dad, Dave. She bit into her wrap and it tasted disgusting. No. Not for the usual reasons, but because of the frog.

Want to see it?

dead frog 500x372 Dead frog found in McDonalds wrap

Isn’t that delightful?

Dave reckons it must have been put there as a Halloween prank by staff, but obviously, Cordellia isn’t too amused by the whole thing. Gives a new meaning to having a frog in your throat, eh?

He said: “Everyone was just disgusted. It was the most horrible thing. She is fine with frogs, but you don’t want one in your mouth. It’s a health and safety risk. She could have caught salmonella. She doesn’t want to eat at McDonald’s ever again. I won’t go to McDonald’s again.”

You want a closer look at it, don’t you?

ad 186714516 363x500 Dead frog found in McDonalds wrap

McDonald’s are suspicious about the whole thing though.

A spokesperson for McDonald’s said: “The customer did not raise this with anyone in our restaurant. Food hygiene and safety is of utmost importance and we take matters like this very seriously. Our wraps are freshly prepared when ordered and it is extremely unlikely this originated from our restaurant and there is no evidence to suggest otherwise at this stage.”

“We have asked the customer to return the item to us, so that we can investigate further.”

Nando’s serve ‘extra cheese’ in a strange way

October 27th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

We all know that Nando’s is a load of pish, and that anyone who refers to it as ‘cheeky’ should be skinned in the street… but that doesn’t stop people from going their in their droves. One lady, called Katherine Engler, nipped in at the London Brent Park branch, and got herself a chicken wrap with extra cheese.

When it arrived, she felt the need to post a picture of her meal on the internet. Nowt unusual there, as everyone does that these days. Thing is with Katherine’s meal, is that she wasn’t showing it off because it looked amazing.

315589 408x500 Nandos serve extra cheese in a strange way

Her Facebook status read: “Nando’s Brent Park – Not quite what I had in mind when answering yes, after the server asked me if I wanted to add a slice of cheese to my Chicken Wrap….!”

While this is a slightly embarrassing oversight by the kitchen at this particular Nando’s, it isn’t nearly as troubling as someone who orders chips and has zero wet with them.

If that plate of food was a concert, you’d boo.

Co-op – now sitting on shoplifter’s faces

October 20th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

It probably says something about Bitterwallet that we think this all seems very dirty, and that we’ve got mucky minds… but at a Co-op, a shoplifter got his face sat on by a member of staff.

Those who went to the store in Stroud over the weekend, may well have been greeted with the sight of a man sitting on a teenagers’ face. Enough to put you off your microwave meal.

Thankfully, someone was on-hand to get a photo.

face sitting 500x472 Co op   now sitting on shoplifters faces

The 15-year-old was trying to nick some booze, but sadly for him and his pals who were probably waiting around the corner, he got caught. Then someone sat on his face.

Witnesses Manford Ruaz said: “I walked in and saw what had happened. It was really weird. I walked through the doors and there was this big bloke sat on this kid.”

“It was a big bloke sat on this kid with his butt on his face. I have definitely never seen anything like it before. It was a shock.”

A police spokesperson said: “Police were called at 8.20pm on Saturday October 17 to incident in a supermarket in Slad Road, Stroud.”

“A 15-year-old youth had twice entered the supermarket that evening picking up some wine and beer. He then left the store without making any attempt to pay for the items on both occasions. On the third occasion the youth entered store, he again attempted to walk out with some alcohol but was apprehended by a store employee.”

Obviously, the kid has been banned from the shop and ordered to pay for the goods. The thing that will really haunt him is the smell of some bloke’s crack right on his chin. The long arse of the law, in action right there. Lovely job.

cosy coupe car 300x199 Your favourite toy car is now real, and you can buy it!Did you have a ‘Cozy Coupe’ car when you were little? Wish you could drive to work in your Little Tikes vehicle? Well, you can.

See, there’s actually a roadworthy version for adults, complete with famous yellow roof, chunky wheels and… well, you know what it looks like, as you can actually see the photograph on the right.

So what’s the story? Well, mechanic John Bitmead and his brother Geoff from Attitude Autos decided to make the car back in 2013. However, they’ve decided to sell it, and you can bid for it on eBay. And no, it isn’t cheap.

If you don’t care about the rest of this article and want to put a bid in on the car, click here.

John says on the eBay listing: “We have covered over 5,000 miles in the past two years driving around shows and charity events in the UK and, apart from it not being the fastest car on the planet has been the most incredible fun with people queuing up to take photos along dual carriageways and highways on every trip.”

Here’s the car in action.

Man gets 5p Plastic Bag Tax tattoo

October 15th, 2015 4 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Banter is one of the worst words in the English lexicon, so prepare yourself for the appearance of it in this article, about a man who got a tattoo about the 5p plastic bag tax.

Aden Brown decided to get famous on the internet (it worked, but clearly won’t last) by getting his auntie to do a tattoo on his hip about the new plastic bag laws. The tattoo is of a stick man pushing a loaded trolley, along with the words: “5p bags! F*ck that. £1 trolley.”

Have a look!

5p plastic bag tattoo 375x500 Man gets 5p Plastic Bag Tax tattoo


And now, here comes that awful ‘banter’ word.

He posted the photo saying: “Just to top this banter off the money I saved from not using the bags I got this. Thanks Tesco every little helps.”

You see, Aden stole a trolley from a Tesco, which he says he’s now returned. He added: “It was a joke between me and five of my mates. I said to the lady who served me, ‘I ain’t paying for bloody bags.’ I said, ‘I’m pinching a trolley’, knowing nothing would be done. I thought it would be really funny.”

“With the tattoo, I wanted to push the banter to the next level. I went to see my auntie, who owns a tattoo parlour, and she said: ‘Why don’t you get it tattooed? Why don’t you push it a little bit more?”

“I’ve got religious tattoos and other important stuff, and I’ve even got a willy tattooed on my bum in memory of a friend who had his member shut in a door. I love my life. I’m always doing random things. People are too serious, but it’s all just a bit of banter. It is all I live for.”

No-one actually speaks like that, so we smell a troll. Still, he got on our pages and countless other clickbait articles, so fair game.

pizza the hut 300x162 Man threatens to smash everything, because of a ham pizzaA pizza muncher decided to call 999, threatening to smash up a takeaway after he was told that he couldn’t have a slice of ham and mushroom pizza. We’ve all been there, obviously.

The customer ranted to the police, who clearly didn’t have anything better to do, that he’d been to the same place the night before, and had a ham and mushroom pizza. However, this time, he was being told by the staff that they didn’t do ham and mushroom pizzas.

Dark days indeed.

What had happened, is that the man had eaten a turkey and mushroom on his first visit, which meant he kicked off and wanted his £3.50 back. Remember, he phoned the actual emergency services about all this, which he thought was a very reasonable thing to do.

Greater Manchester Police tweeted about the incident, saying: “999 11pm; man threatening to smash up takeaway as no ham & mushroom pizza. Says had one previous night but now found out was turkey, not ham.”

One thing that Twitter has been particularly good for, is taking the absolute piss out of idiots who waste police (and everyone else’s time) with calls like this.

The GMP have been particularly good for it. They have previously tweeted about a woman who rang 999 because staff at a gym wouldn’t let her inside. The kicker here, being that she didn’t actually have a pass for said gym. Oh, and who could forget the marvellous tweet about the “suspicious men carrying a snake, Bolton”?

Adidas cock-up Man United jacket sale

October 13th, 2015 7 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Retro clobber is big business for football fans. Sometimes it is because the old-school designs are much nicer, and in other instances, it lets people be nostalgic for a time when they weren’t jaded about football.

And so, to Adidas, who are selling a tracksuit top from when Manchester United won the FA Cup with Ron Atkinson. It is a classic old design, and of course, at £65 a pop, it will make some people splutter in disgust.

There’s just one problem with the way Adidas are selling this top…

man utd retro jacket chelsea 500x350 Adidas cock up Man United jacket sale

That’s right!

To complete the look, any self respecting Manchester United fan will also have to buy some tracksuit bottoms with a Chelsea FC logo on them. [insert LOLOLOLOL here]

What a mistake to make.

[via WAATP]

Shoppers steal trolleys over 5p bag charge

October 12th, 2015 7 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Even though the vast majority of the UK has been able to cope with the 5p plastic bag charge for a while now, England it seems, has been having some issues with it.

Mystifyingly, it became front-page news and ‘chaos’ was promised, as well as people vowing to do all manner of thunderously pointless protests.

With that, we go to social media, where people have been bragging about stealing shopping trolleys, rather than pay five whole pence for a plastic bag. Some people are STICKING IT TO THE MAN by going through the rigmarole of swiping trolleys, rather than taking a rucksack they already own, or perhaps using one of the hundreds of plastic bags they’ve got in another plastic bag under the sink.

See for yourself.

ad 184213962 500x416 Shoppers steal trolleys over 5p bag charge

Someone else decided to do the same. They paid £1 for a trolley, stole it, wheeled it all the way home, got in, quickly tidied the kitchen up, took numerous photos, chose the best one, did a slight edit on the photo with their phone’s in-built editing software, then actually uploaded it to the internet, to show how indignant they are about the 5p plastic bag tax.

ad 184213960 391x500 Shoppers steal trolleys over 5p bag charge

Of course, one Tesco has felt the need to put security tags on their Bags For Life, because people can’t get their heads or rage around the new charges.

tesco security bags 500x375 Shoppers steal trolleys over 5p bag charge

Honestly. Will England ever cope again, and recover from this awful, awful injustice? And will Wales and Scotland ever stop laughing about it all?


All hail the vagina pizza!

October 9th, 2015 4 Comments By Mof Gimmers

In Manchester’s leafy Chorlton, where everyone bathes in almond milk and has bees in their always sunny gardens, you’ll find a great big Morrisons. This is the kind of Morrisons where all the customers look like members of ’70s acid-folk bands like Pentangle, and the checkouts beep in DADGAD.

So it didn’t surprise many that they’d be selling a pizza with a vagina on it, because y’know, hippies.

Morrisons vagina pizza 500x373 All hail the vagina pizza!

This looks like something straight out of the feminist book shop on Portlandia. Provided the cheese that’s on top is vegan and has been anywhere near oppression.

Of course, this was an accident and it wasn’t meant to be a meaty vagina. You might be thinking that it is an all-seeing eye or something, but alas, the bits of sausage were arranged to celebrate the Rugby World Cup. That’s right, it is an innocent rugby ball.

Now, you can insert your own jokes about ‘food porn’ and England’s rugby team being a load of gash, here.

Dundee are offering ‘blow jobs’

October 9th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

We’ve been doing our bit and pointing you in the direction of some jobs for Christmas, and remarkably, a number of readers and drive-by commenters have been under the illusion that Bitterwallet’s comment section is the place to leave a message for a big corporation, so they’ll get back to you.

So with that, it could be very interesting if people don’t read this article properly and end up offering their services for this that we spotted online.

X5H7K2zl Dundee are offering blow jobs

Now, it might look like the city of Dundee is offering fellatio on a major scale, but sadly, that’s not the case.

The Courier newspaper dropped a clanger as the newspaper headline should have actually said ‘major jobs blow’, but some cheeky so-and-so cut the sheet up and rearranged the words. Good work, to whoever did that, obviously.

“If you actually look closely you can see the lines… Some cheeky scamp has come along and taken his chances,” said the Courier’s news editor Alan Richardson. “But there we are, it’s one of those things. Not a big deal.”

We look forward to people leaving their numbers for that.