In Manchester’s leafy Chorlton, where everyone bathes in almond milk and has bees in their always sunny gardens, you’ll find a great big Morrisons. This is the kind of Morrisons where all the customers look like members of ’70s acid-folk bands like Pentangle, and the checkouts beep in DAGDAD.
So it didn’t surprise many that they’d be selling a pizza with a vagina on it, because y’know, hippies.
This looks like something straight out of the feminist book shop on Portlandia. Provided the cheese that’s on top is vegan and has been anywhere near oppression.
Of course, this was an accident and it wasn’t meant to be a meaty vagina. You might be thinking that it is an all-seeing eye or something, but alas, the bits of sausage were arranged to celebrate the Rugby World Cup. That’s right, it is an innocent rugby ball.
Now, you can insert your own jokes about ‘food porn’ and England’s rugby team being a load of gash, here.
The people of Scotland will be able to get their hands on limited-edition notes featuring Pudsey Bear, which are being auctioned off in aid of BBC’s Children In Need.
If you land one of these notes, you probably won’t want to spend it on beer and cigs, as there’s only going to be 50 printed in total. 40 of those will feature the serial code Pudsey01 through to Pudsey40, with the remaining 10 are going to have personalised serial numbers, according to the Bank of Scotland.
Look at the state.
Most of these notes will be auctioned in December by Spink’s, who are well versed in selling banknotes and coins. That’s what they do. They’re really good at it.
We shouldn’t mock it really. The design itself was created by Kayla Robson, who is a child from Dundee. She won a competition to design part of the note.
She said: “I am very excited to see my design on the new £5 note. Art has always been one of my favourite subjects but I never expected one of my drawings to end up on a banknote.”
That’s exciting isn’t it? And everyone apparently likes working for John Lewis.
They are looking for “self motivated individuals who are passionate about giving great customer service and working in a fast-paced and dynamic environment. Successful candidates will need to enjoy variety and multi-tasking, be able to pick up things quickly and be flexible with their working hours…and above all want to work in an exciting and challenging retail environment!”
We suspect they’re also looking for diligent people who read all of the words in an article, so they’ll know that Bitterwallet can’t get you a job, but will be able to point you in the direction of one.
So, if you’re that person, click here and get applying. Good luck and all that. We’ll blame you for the annoying Christmas advert that John Lewis will do. Sorry – we need a scapegoat.
While Richard Branson thinks everyone should suck it up when it comes to Uber, the controversial taxi firm have got other things on their mind.
Uber got hacked and there was a leak of data, which contained the details of the names and driver’s licenses of around 50,000 of Uber’s drivers. Of course, Uber aren’t happy about that, so they’re going after whoever is responsible.
And they’ve got an internet address which they’re fixated on, and they think that they’ve got the hacker in their sights. Interestingly, Uber’s court papers reckon that the address has been traced back to Lyft’s technology chief Chris Lambert. That’s right. One of Uber’s main rivals.
Now, legally speaking, it should be pointed out that the court papers don’t say there’s a direct correlation between the IP address and the person responsible for the hack. However, the report says that the IP address was obtained by a process of elimination, as Uber’s investigation team looked through all of the IPs which accessed a critical security key which has been shared publicly on the internet.
An Uber subpoena of Comcast records “was “reasonably likely” to help reveal the “bad actor” behind the data breach”.
Lyft spokesperson Brandon McCormick said: “Uber allowed login credentials for their driver database to be publicly accessible on GitHub for months before and after a data breach in May 2014.”
This, without doubt, is going to get ugly.
The weekend is upon us, which is nice. Unless you’re working tonight and all weekend, in which case, godspeed. Anyway, with some days off, you might want to watch a load of films for free. Sounds good right?
Well, there’s no catch, because Paramount Studios has launched their own YouTube channel and stuck up loads of films up, which you can watch for nothing. Hundreds of them!
Paramount say they are offering… “a collection of Paramount full-length films and clips including selections that range from black-and-white to colour, comedy to horror, and everything in between.”
Now, it is only available to Americans at the moment, so you’ll either have to wait or, we’re sure you can work the internet well enough to use a VPN or whatever, to get at all that lovely stuff.
We suggest having a look at CyberGhost (which you can get for free) or PrivateInternetAccess which will cost you, but well worth it if you’re going to be wanting to use it a lot (and it has won a load of awards and don’t mistreat your information as well). Anyway, have fun.
The Milk Tray man is coming back to our tellies, and you could be the next star of it. He’s been off our screens for over a decade, but now, with a new Bond film doing the rounds, it seems like a decent enough time to bring it back.
So, you could submit yourself to be the star, or indeed, your boyfriend too. And with this being 2015, we could see the Milk Tray secret agent being a woman too. Quite right. There’s a lot of people out there who would like a woman to deliver chocolates directly to their house. Provided they look half decent in a black polo neck sweater.
In a new advert, which will be on TV tonight, one of the original Milk Tray men will call out for a new hero.
A Cadbury spokesperson said: “While a sense of adventure is still key to his character, what we want from today’s Milk Tray Man is someone thoughtful who goes the extra mile. With an application process that’s open to all, we’re confident we’ll find a modern-day hero.”
You should submit pictures of your partner, or a best friend you’d like to stitch up. Whatever tickles your pickle really. Apply to be the next star of the Milk Tray ads by clicking here
Last year, they hired 13,000, so they’re not mucking about. The jobs will be within Amazon’s fulfilment and customer service centres over the Christmas period, and like most temp jobs, there’s a chance they might take you on permanently.
Amazon’s vice president of UK operations John Tagawa said: “As we continue to expand our operations in the UK, we are confident that hundreds of people who join us this Christmas in a seasonal role will have the opportunity to stay on with us on a permanent basis.”
We look forward to people asking us to get them a job with Amazon in the comments, and more importantly, the jokes being made at their expense by regular readers.
Not all iPhones are the same. In fact, some are crappier than the rest, and Apple have confessed this is the case, which is why some iPhone 6S models have a shorter battery life than others. Why? Well, it is something to do with processors being made by two different chip makers.
Apple said that handsets using TSMC-built 16nm A9 processors will have a longer battery life than those powered by Samsung-built 14nm A9 CPUs. One good thing, according to Apple themselves, is that the difference is smaller than suggested.
If you’re really bothered about the difference between 2nm units, then there’s a tool you can use to see if you have a TSMC or a Samsung-built chip in your phone. Get at it here.
“Our testing and customer data show the actual battery life of the iPhone 6s and iPhone 6s Plus, even taking into account variable component differences, varies within just 2-3 per cent of each other,” said an Apple spokesperson.
However, while Apple are playing it down, independent tests have shown that the difference between the two could be as big as 7%. You’d notice that, even if it does seem small. That said, Apple are still palming it off, saying that the tests undertaken by others aren’t relevant.
“Certain manufactured lab tests which run the processors with a continuous heavy workload until the battery depletes are not representative of real-world usage, since they spend an unrealistic amount of time at the highest CPU performance state,” said Apple. ”It’s a misleading way to measure real-world battery life.”
Shout out to the conspiracy theorists who read this and thought that Samsung are messing around with one of their rivals, trying to make their phones less good.
We’ve been doing our bit and pointing you in the direction of some jobs for Christmas, and remarkably, a number of readers and drive-by commenters have been under the illusion that Bitterwallet’s comment section is the place to leave a message for a big corporation, so they’ll get back to you.
So with that, it could be very interesting if people don’t read this article properly and end up offering their services for this that we spotted online.
Now, it might look like the city of Dundee is offering fellatio on a major scale, but sadly, that’s not the case.
The Courier newspaper dropped a clanger as the newspaper headline should have actually said ‘major jobs blow’, but some cheeky so-and-so cut the sheet up and rearranged the words. Good work, to whoever did that, obviously.
“If you actually look closely you can see the lines… Some cheeky scamp has come along and taken his chances,” said the Courier’s news editor Alan Richardson. “But there we are, it’s one of those things. Not a big deal.”
We look forward to people leaving their numbers for that.
The company’s new chief executive, Andy Palmer, is trying to turn Aston Martin around (the business itself – he’s not trying to do a three-point turn), which has seen a dramatic drop in sales after the financial crisis. One of the problems they’ve faced is that they’re not part of a bigger group, and they posted a pretax loss of £25.4m in 2013, which happen to be the latest available figures.
“There will be a net reduction in the overall workforce at the company,” said a spokesperson, but would not give numbers.
The job losses won’t be affecting those in production, but rather, staff who work in the office.
Earlier this year, Aston Martin managed to raise £200m from major shareholders, mainly those from outside of the UK in Kuwait and Italian private equity groups. It is clear that, abroad, they want to drive the cars James Bond has been seen in. Aston Martin are looking at electric vehicles and crossover utility vehicles in a bid to up sales.
There’s talk of a new plant being opened too, which could end up being in Alabama, which flies in the face of the government’s efforts to see the new production line opening in Wales.
You may have seen a load of people on the internet using Swegways (or segways, or any number of other names as everyone can’t quite decide on what to call them), especially if you’re into hip hop (it seems that every rapper and R&B singer in the universe has one).
As a result, these little scoots are going to be massive over Christmas.
If you have one already, you should know about a product recall on segway off-board battery charger, with the following notice being issued by the EC RAPEX system:
“Segway Off-board Battery Charger – charger used to charge batteries that have been taken off a Segway PT vehicle. Specific products within the serial number range: 1244C0000002 – 14209C000312″
“The internal wires within the charger may detach and touch the inner sides allowing electrical conduction. Users could consequently receive an electric shock if they touch the charger. The product does not comply with the requirements of the Low Voltage Directive.”
“If you have purchased this item, please stop using it and contact the retailer it was purchased from.”
And if you don’t believe us (or indeed, the shop you take it back to aren’t having it, or missed a memo), here’s the Trading Standards agency with the same message.
Research by The Grocer found that staples like butter and cheese (as well as more fun things like ice-cream) were cheaper at Amazon than they were at Asda, Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Morrisons. As for milk, pizza, peas and whatnot, Amazon matched them on prices.
The big savers were Lurpak Spreadable butter (500g) which was £1.45 cheaper at Amazon, while a litre of Tropicana Orange Juice was £1.50 at Amazon, when everyone else is charging nearer to £2.50 or over.
When you compare the items that were stocked in all the stores, the Morrisons bill was 15.5% more expensive than Amazon, while the Sainsbury’s order was 14% more. Tesco cost 8% more, and Asda was 6.2% more expensive. This is big news and big trouble for the Big Four supermarkets, who thought that they only had Lidl and Aldi to worry about.
And with deliveries being offered within the hour (for £6.99) or free delivery for those who can wait two hours, Amazon is not messing around here.
There is a catch of course – you’ll need to be a Prime Now member, and that’ll cost you £79 per year, which is something to take into consideration regarding savings.
In a statement Amazon said: “Prime Now customers already benefit from ultra-fast delivery on everything from essentials like bottled water, coffee and nappies to must-have products like the latest video games and devices. We are excited to add a range of chilled and frozen items to this selection as we continue to expand the number and variety of products that can be ordered for delivery within 60 minutes.”
The Financial Conduct Authority are launching an inquiry into the world of mortgages, in a bid to find out why some homeowners are ‘unfairly trapped’ by their mortgages. There’s claims that older people are being stopped from switching mortgages by lenders, and that’s not on.
The FCA is going to look into whether or not lenders have been purposefully trying to confuse customers with needlessly complicated terms, or indeed, to find out whether they’ve clubbed together to fix prices. This comes on the back of the introduction of new lending rules, last year.
In some corners, it is thought that the Mortgage Market Review (MMR) has seen older borrowers becoming ‘mortgage prisoners’, which means they are unable to get a new loan or remortgage once their fixed-term deal has finished.
These rules were introduced in April 2014 by the FCA themselves, but there’s a suspicion that lenders are being too literal with the FCA’s new instructions on rigorous affordability checks.
Saga conducted their own study on this, and they found that one-in-ten 50-59 year olds felt that they’d been stopped from moving to another mortgage.
Elsewhere, there’s also accusations that women have been discriminated against by mortgage lenders, over any plans to have a family. Again, thanks to MMR, lenders can refuse a mortgage if they believe an applicant will have a dip in income. As such, families have been hiding the fact that they are planning to have a family.
The FCA said that there’s anecdotal evidence that “some types of consumers are becoming unfairly trapped and unable to access more suitable deals”, adding: “We are keen to ascertain how prevalent this problem is.”