We love similar-sounding rip-off brand names here at Bitterwallet. We’ve got the full range of Disley cartoon movies on CD-R, we regularly dress from head to foot in labels like Tony Hilfinger, Girgios Armada and Rolph Lauda. Hell, from time to time we even check in on the website of our same-sounding enemies at www.batterwillet.com.

So with that in mind, it looks as though this year’s Bitterwallet Summer Expedition (like its Blue Peter namesake only with more farting) will be taking us to Nanjing in China, home of the counterfeit shopping mall.

Our jaws will be scraping along the floor as we visit such nearly-legendary names as McDnoald’s, Bucksstar Coffee, and Pizza Huh. Naik, Farrari, Nokla, Adidos and A&G will be some of the almost-famous brand names on our shopping list. Want a Polystation console? No problem – drop us a line along with a blank cheque and we’ll bring you one back.

Hopefully the trend will spread the world and we’ll be flying back into Hedgerow Airport before getting a Natural Excess train back to BWHQ. Fingers crossed!

They straightened our bananas, they robbed us of our imperial measurements, they’ve set more directives then there are hairs on a shaggy dog. And now the EU has set in motion a series of events that will allow the police to hack into your PC without permission. It’s called remote searching, and such a search can be granted should the plod believe it “necessary to prevent or detect serious crime”.

European Union’s council of ministers in Brussels has given the thumbs up to the warrantless intrusive surveillance of private property, allowing foreign police forces to ask British bobbies to hack into someone’s UK computer on their behalf.

Rather understandably, plenty of folk including opposition MPs and civil liberties groups are upset about the decision, because in contrast to the legal safeguards for searching a suspect’s home, police undertaking a remote search don’t need to apply to a magistrates’ court for a warrant.

The plans are still under development, and they’re only likely to snoop if you’re being very, very naughty. That’s not the point though, is it?

* PCs as in personal computers; Police Constables are free to poke around one another - they’re consenting adults, after all

[The Times]

Sales are great, because not only can you save bags of money, they validate spending what little you had in the first place. Kids going hungry? Never mind, you’ve bought a new bathroom suite! Red letters worrying the doormat? Don’t worry, there’s a plasma television mounted on the living room wall!

Not all sales are born equal, however, and not all sales are as breathtaking as they may first appear. Bitterwallet reader Ducky contacted us to enquire about the Halfords sale, with particular regards to two products on offer in “the “better than half price sale”, or the “sale with better than half price deals”, depending how you read their rather confusing graphics.

The two items in question are the Navigon 1200 and Navigon 2200 sat nav units:

Quite a deal, you’ll agree; those prices would mean savings of £80 and £110 respectively. Except both units were on sale in Halfords during December for just £10 more than their current sale price; the Navigon 1200 cost just £69.99 and the Navigon 2200 was £99.99 immediately before the sale began, as stated in reviews by PC Advisor and Pocket Lint and subsequently confirmed to us by Halfords themselves.

So what’s going on? Halford’s are comparing the current sale prices to the product prices in October and November. Since both products were sold at the higher prices for 28 consecutive days within the last six months, there’s no breaking of consumer law according to Consumer Direct. That doesn’t stop the price comparison being unclear to customers - you might be led to think the substantial savings are a direct result of the sale, which is untrue since the sale reduced the immediate price of each product by just £10, not £80 or £110.

So it looks like a massive saving, so long as you don’t take into account the prices immediately before the sale began. Oh, and you if don’t know about the manufacturer’s RRP for the products when launched in August:

To summarise, then; Halfords charged up to a third more than the manufacturer’s RRP on these two items, then reduced them significantly to cash in on the pre-Christmas market, and have now reduced both items by just £10 in the sale. Despite this minimal reduction the items are being advertised as “better than half price” deals by comparing them to the original prices that were up to a third higher than the manufacturer’s RRP. Phew.

Consumer Direct advised us this was within their guidelines and when we contacted Halfords they stated that the small print of insert ads notes this is compared to the “was price”.

Them’s the facts, kids. What say you?

God bless the kids with nothing better to do than rummage through old videos of news bulletins and slap captions from today’s news all over them. Especially when they highlight the ludicrous predictions of a national banking institution. Northern Rock had already gone bust and everyone’s spidey-sense was already tingling, yet at the end of 2007, Nationwide did their bit to inject confidence into the flagging housing market. “Wide of the mark” doesn’t quite cover it:

Christmas sales figures are beginning to leak into the press, and like a sow in knee socks, it’s not a pretty sight.

The Times reports that Marks & Spencer will announce massive job losses tomorrow, with nearly a thousand posts expected to be cut in stores and several hundred more in head office and support departments. The company is already in £3billion of debt, and sales over Christmas are said to have fallen by 8.5 per cent.

Mosaic - owners of Principles, Oasis, Karen Millen and Warehouse - have had an “emergency restructuring team” sent in from Deloitte; according to the paper, 5,000 jobs are at risk unless the business can be refinanced.

Meanwhile the BBC reports that sales at Next dropped 7 per cent in the six months to Christmas Eve, while Debenhams said its sales in the past 12 weeks had fallen 3.3 per cent.

While the official announcement isn’t expected until later this afternoon’s keynote speech at Macworld, details of the newest Apple product have already leaked out. The MacBook Wheel is expected to become available to buy within three to 15 months, and while the $2,600 price tag might be considered steep by some, the revolutionary new Hummingbird battery assembly should see it find favour with a new generation of Apple customers:

[The Onion]

Having bundled my broadband package in with my Sky subscription over two years ago, I never consider where my broadband connection actually comes from anymore. It’s just there, everywhere in my house, as if fairies have sprinkled shavings of some broadband-conductive dust through the air.

But apparently most people still pay for broadband, and more than half aren’t all that pleased about it. A survey by ISPreview.co.uk found that 52 per cent of all broadband felt their ISP was too expensive, despite the UK having one of the most competitive internet access markets in Europe, with broadband often being bundled into additional services.

However just over 4 per cent of those surveyed claimed to be on a “free” broadband service, while nearly a third paid between £16 and 21 per month for their internet connection. 18 per cent paid between £11 and 16 per month, while another 18 percent paid between £21 and £26. A fifth of people with more money than God, and a stinking rich God at that paid over £26 a month for broadband. Really? Who the hell are you people? Are you eating it?

“ISPs will face many challenges over the coming year, especially those advertising unlimited use,” ISPreview.co.uk’s Mark Jackson said. “Demand upon broadband networks continues to grow and some providers may find themselves forced to either restrict their users or put prices up.”

We’re all dressed identically here at BWHQ today as we mourn the passing of one of the major players in the clothing business over the past century.

We’re not announcing the death of Tommy Hilfiger, Ralph Lauren or either Marks and/or Spencer – for a start, we don’t even know if they’re dead, alive or even real.

No, we’re flying everything flyable at half-mast today to say RIP to Alfred Shaheen (above left), the main player behind the Hawaiian Shirt boom of the late 1940s and beyond.

Elvis, sporting a Shaheen design

Fittingly, we’re all sporting garish shirts adorned with flowers, palm trees and god knows what else, although to be fair, it’s pretty much a standard uniform around here. Just don’t call us dicks okay? Not today.

Anyway, who says they’re not cool? Hawkeye wore ‘em in M*A*S*H, Kramer wore ‘em in Seinfeld and Elvis wore ‘em for bed every night. So as fly-by-nights like USC and the Officers Club go to the wall, raise a smile and give thanks to Alfred Shaheen and his unbreakable business model.

Aloha Alfred!

We recently reported on DSG International’s efforts to “provide better service for customers through a more efficient operating model.” How did they go about this? The owners of PC World and Currys made several hundred TechGuys redundant. Since they’re the people who effectively are customers services, then to those outside the company the plan made less sense than a rubber nun.

The question is now - has this new operating model improved matters? It seems the management of DSG International may not be so sure themselves. A comment on Bitterwallet reproduces an email that was apparently sent by a senior director to the remaining TechGuys staff, citing “a backlog of work, colleague shortages… and system issues.” If this email is genuine, then we shouldn’t expect any improvement in customer services just yet:

To All TechGuys,

Notification of Extension of Trial Period

We are now 3 weeks into our new operating model and we have made a great start in developing a business which is an asset to the group and of which we can be proud.

As with most change, there have been some challenges, such as a backlog of work, colleague shortages, gaps in our management team and system issues and as a result an increase in pressure has been felt across the business. I realise that this is having an impact on your current working environment and I thank you for all the hard work, commitment and support you have put in over the last few weeks.

We are making good progress in resolving these challenges and you will continue to see improvements on a daily basis. It is important, that you continue to provide us with your feedback and highlight the challenges you face.

I am aware that for most of you, we are now nearing the end of your 4 week trial period and I do not believe that everyone has had a fair opportunity to fully experience what the business will be like to work in given these challenges. We want everybody to have a fair opportunity to make an informed decision and are therefore extending the trial period until 30th Jan in order to allow this to happen.

Hub managers will be providing full briefings on this extension and as always please raise any questions you may have.

I thank you, once again, for your continued support and we look forward to growing a strong business together.

Warm Regards,

Stephen Campbell

If you’ve had first-hand experience at a DSG International store recently, let us know how it was for you. Is it really as bad as some people say, or is it no better or worse for the changes made by senior management?

If you were born in the 1970’s, then the prospect of a TV detector van was more terrifying than Lou Ferrigno’s Hulk chasing you (the stuff of my nightmares, at least). These people could see into your house? Christ, better get that TV licence paid Mum, or we’re all going to jail.

Curious then, that a request last year made under the Freedom of Information Act about how TV Licensing identifies households without a licence, was denied.

The BBC refused to answer questions concerning how many detection devices the corporation possessed, how often they were deployed and the technical specification of TV detection devices, if they existed at all. A complaint was then raised with the Information Commissioner’s Office, who promptly investigated why the beeb wouldn’t comment.

Rather frustratingly, the ICO sided with the BBC, but in explaining their position the BBC made some rather curious statements: (Read more…)

Your grandmother and her friends may adore crappy porcelain figures of girls in bright blue bonnets walking a labrador, but they’ll all be dead soon, and it’s not the sort of stuff you’re keen to see grace your IKEA coffee table.

And so the bony digits of Deathwatch finger the china and ceramics firm Wedgewood who, according to the BBC, are expecting to call in the administrators today. The company, which has just entered is 250th year, has also requested that shares be suspended from trading on the Irish Stock Exchange. Nearly 3,000 staff are employed across the UK and Ireland, with another 5,000 working for Wedgewood around the world.

Sir Anthony O’Reilly, non-executive Chairman said: “We are consoled only by the fact that everything that could have been done, by management and by the board, to preserve the group, was done.”

While the company remains hopeful of finding a buyer, its collapse could be the harbinger of doom for chains such as Collectables; everyone can manage without expensive gifts and trinkets during a recession, and crystal vases may take a long time to come back into fashion.

The common gift voucher - last resort of the terminally apathetic, the perennially indecisive, the not-that-arsed. When you receive them as a gift, you know the sender is saying “I know you - well enough to feel obliged to give you a present of monetary value, but not well enough to put considerable thought into the matter”.

Not only is the gift voucher the laziest ideas for a present, it could be one of the most worthless, as customers of Zavvi have discovered. Going bust so close to Christmas, plenty of customers had bought Zavvi gift vouchers for friends and family. Over on HUKD, there’s plenty of fireworks going off about Zavvi’s refusal to accept vouchers purchased previously. The problem is that while it may appear to a product purchased over the counter like any other product, a gift voucher is essentially a cash loan to the business in question. At the moment of sale, the customer becomes a creditor.

What can be done if you’ve a fat pile of Zavvi vouchers? Very little, unfortunately. According to Zavvi’s own website, there may be refunds available to customers who bought vouchers between 27th November and 4th December (vouchers were withdrawn from sale after that date). Otherwise, if you purchased them before 27th November, you’re asked to register as an unsecured creditor. In reality, you stand next-to-no chance of receiving a refund; there’ll be a very long list of creditors owed far more than you.

Looking ahead to the new year, perhaps this provides a timely warning to those who had planned to request vouchers for birthdays or weddings. While many big name brands will survive the next 12 months, very few people would bet their house on naming them; partly because there’s so much uncertainty in the marketplace, but mostly because their house isn’t worth much anymore. It may be best to avoid the lazy gift-in-an-envelope for the time being.

As you might have noticed, here at Bitterwallet, we’re not exactly lacking when it comes to curmudgeonly cynicism. No, seriously, you should come to one of our weekly vinegar-drinking meetings that give us our power.

But, underneath it all lies an abiding faith in humanity, a deep-rooted belief that greed doesn’t have to come before everything else. Unless we’re fighting over the last bottle of vinegar.

This story has warmed the cockles of our heartstrings and reinvigorated us as we head into 2009. It’s about Tom Algie, the proprietor of the Practically Everything store in Settle, North Yorkshire.

Tom fancied the day off on Boxing Day, but didn’t want to disappoint any loyal customers who might need to make an emergency purchase. So he built an honesty box out of a funnel and plastic cereal box, left the shop door open and went home to spend time with his family.

Magnificently, Tom’s trust and faith in his fellow Settler was rewarded – he took £187.66 and two euros, and shoppers left notes to tell him what they’d bought.

Our favourite has to be “Thanks Tom. This is why we moved to Settle. This shop would have been cleaned out in two and a half minutes in Bolton.”

Ah, bless.

And they keep on coming…

Just been to Stockport and the clothing chain USC has signs up in the window saying that its shops have been placed into administration as of 29 December. A real shame because I loved never buying their overpriced clothing, preferring to take the item number and then order elsewhere.

Thanks to Bitterwallet reader Branny for simultaneously scouring the high street with Deathwatch-tinted glasses, and contributing to the downfall of yet another clothing retailer. The latest press reports state the chain went into administration on Monday; 300 jobs are at risk at the 15 stores being closed. The remaining 43 shops have already being sold off to USC owner and billionaire entrepreneur Sir Tom Hunter.

Clothing stores seem to be in vogue for winding up at the moment, with the collapse of Adams and Morgan in the past week. Further clothing outlets are likely to fall; plenty rely on products manufactured in the Far East where the US dollar is king, leaving UK outlets with their crumbling sterling up a certain creek without a certain paddle.

Apple fanboys are currently experiencing loss of appetite and multiple wet dreams in the twilight hours, as the legendary MacWorld event in San Francisco gears up to launch on Monday. In years gone by, it’s been here that Steve Jobs has announced revolutionary new gadgets in the Apple range, accompanied by cheering, hollering and that incessant, inane whooping only Americans seem capable of.

At such times a rumour mill doesn’t seem adequate, and the internet instead employs a rumour nuclear generator to kick out snips and bytes of gossip concerning what Apple could be launching. In recent days there’s been plenty of scuttlebutt concerning an iPhone Nano, but now Electric Pig has gone and muddied the waters further with talk of a MacBook Nano.

Given that Jobs himself dismissed the notion of a netbook-style device at his last keynote speech, it seems unlikely to happen. Still it’d be a tremendous credit-crunching way to extend the MacBook range, and deliver a heavy blow to ASUS and the like. More pointless speculation or a real possibility? We’ll know for sure on Monday. Until then, back to the cold showers and flicking through old copies of Mac User stashed under the mattress.

[Electric Pig]