Google give you the Knowledge Graph
May 17th, 2012 • 2 Comments
Google has overhauled their search engine despite the fact it worked perfectly well and no-one really complained about how it could do more.
So what have they done? Well, sounding like something from an Isaac Asimov story, they’ve developed something called the Knowledge Graph, which Google say is a ‘more human’ search function offering answers without you having to go elsewhere online.
This new feature, which will launch in the US first, adds boxes of Wikipedia-esque information to the search results page. Google’s Amit Singhal explains: ”Language can be ambiguous-do you mean Taj Mahal the monument, or Taj Mahal the musician? [In Knowledge Graph we can] click on one of the links to see that particular slice of results.”
“This is one way it makes Google Search more intelligent – your results are more relevant because we understand these entities, and the nuances in their meaning, the way you do. For example, some of the most serendipitous discoveries I’ve made using the Knowledge Graph are through the magical ‘people also search for’ feature. One of my favorite books is The White Tiger, the debut novel by Aravind Adiga, which won the prestigious Man Booker Prize. Using the Knowledge Graph, I discovered three other books that had won the same prize and one that won the Pulitzer.”
There’s no specific launch date yet.
2 millions TV sets to be disrupted by 4G
May 17th, 2012 • 2 Comments
The culture minister Ed Vaizey, with his face like a colonel’s ankle, has said that around 2 million homes are going to wish they were dead when 4G starts mucking up their television reception.
Apparently, 945,000 households that use signal amplifiers, as well as 953,000 households that rely on communal aerials, could be affected when the mobile operators finally pull their fingers out and give the rest of us that lovely, lovely 4G.
For these TV gawpers, the thing that works in their favour is that the Ofcom auction of radio spectrum licences is being delayed by a variety of legal troubles. Once they get it all sorted, they’ll have to pay for the interference they cause.
Regarding all 4G problems, a new independent watchdog has been founded called MitCo and they’ll get funding from mobile operators and then buy and install filters in homes.
The Voice of the Listener and Viewer has called the plans “a major threat to the principle of universal provision in public service broadcasting”. ”These proposals to sell spectrum to mobile phone operators in order to raise millions for the Treasury could remove the option of free-to-air television from millions of viewers,” said spokeswoman Sophie Chalk (daughter of Charlie).
“This runs completely against the UK’s system of public service broadcasting whereby there is universal access for all citizens to programmes made by the main terrestrial channels. It is an outrage.”
McDonalds now mulling over introducing waiter service
May 17th, 2012 • 14 Comments
McDonalds call their outlets ‘restaurants’ but are they really? There’s no waiter service and they encourage you to put your leftovers in the bin once you’re finished. But that could be all about to change as the burger pimps are dabbling in the idea of bringing table service to their ‘restaurants’.
It’s being trialled in their state-of-the-art venue in Milton Keynes (naturally) and hungry punters can give their order, have their food brought to them and settle the bill without once getting up off their fat arses. Just like in a ‘proper’ ‘restaurant’. Thrilling stuff.
Their chief executive Jill McDonald says: “McDonalds has always been about convenience. We want to understand if table service is what people want.” The Milton Keynes store, which we don’t believe even exists, has sofas, extendable tables, banks of iPads and projectors that beam magic tricks to entertain the younglings. Not only THAT, but there’s private meeting rooms with boardroom tables for ‘business customers’.
The future’s bright. The future’s McDonalds. Or something.
Deathwatch: Half of Clinton Cards shops to close
May 16th, 2012 • 6 Comments
On a day when namesakes Bill Clinton and George Clinton did nothing of note, all of the Clinton limelight is being hogged instead by Clinton Cards, following the sad news that 350 (almost half) of its stores are to be closed by administrators, with the loss of 2,800 jobs.
The entire Birthdays chain, which is owned by Clinton, is to be scrapped as part of the closure programme with administrators Zolfo Cooper saying that “ the business is burdened with an untenable retail estate”.
It remains to be seen whether a buyer can be found for the remainder of the chain, which was thrown into administration after it defaulted on loans to supplier American Greetings earlier in the month.
Clintons Bill and George were unavailable for comment.
New fat tax on cans of the good stuff. Where will it all end?
May 16th, 2012 • 14 Comments
In a northern town a British man sits clutching a can. Slurping from the sparkling liquid he laments the fact that he will be unable to buy another one. Bureaucratic officials have decided to levy an arbitrary tax on his drink, because they, in their wisdom, have decided he shouldn’t drink it. No, this isn’t a Glaswegian drinking a can of Tennent’s Super, but an ordinary Joe drinking a can of pop.
The “fat tax” bandwagon is rolling around again, with members of the Department of Public Health in Oxford suggesting a 20% tax could lead to a drop in obesity-related diseases.
As reported in the British Medical Journal, Dr Oliver Mytton and Dr Mike Rayner claim poor diets in the UK must be tackled, and suggest taxation is one way of achieving this aim. They estimate that taxing sugary drinks at this rate could cut up to 2,700 heart disease deaths a year.
Dr Rayner said “obesity has rocketed recently and if anything our diet is getting worse. We need to take steps to tackle this problem as a nation. It’s affecting our health and it’s affecting our wallets through the increased burden on the NHS and the taxpayer.
“David Cameron said that he wanted to look at fat taxes last October. He should now commission an independent review of the existing evidence that looks at the options for taxing unhealthy foods. It is basic economic theory that raising the price will change consumption, and we already use the taxation system in this way to influence behaviour” he finished.
The research team claims government intervention by way of taxation can be justified when the market fails to provide the ‘optimum’ good for society’s well-being, citing the duties on alcohol and tobacco as a prime example. “We have taxes on unhealthy goods such as tobacco and alcohol. And we don’t have taxes on books as they can be seen as a public good to be encouraged.” Clearly someone ought to tell them that most people don’t actually eat books.
The research also suggests changing VAT to ‘penalise’ unhealthy foods with the 20% levy. In certain circumstances this is already the case- chocolate items are standard rated for VAT while bread is not- but using VAT in this way would be clumsy and likely to cause problems. Just look at the poor pasty-munchers.
However, Dr Rayner does not advocate a tax on saturated fat, as has previously been mooted, and as adopted by Denmark last year. He claims that, by avoiding foods high in saturated fat, people might replace them with foods high in carbohydrates – and these foods tend to also be high in salt. The overall effect on health might be negative. With a soft drink tax, people would most likely lead to people swapping to low calorie or sugar free drinks, which, he claims, would still be “beneficial for health”. At least until someone decides that aspartame is bad for you. Oh, wait…
So what do you think? Is the Scottish alcohol levy the first step on a slippery Nanny State slope of Government-approved imbibing? Would a fizzy drink tax work? Surely it is the takeaways, fry-ups and ready meals causing the nation’s obesity issue rather than the can they swill it down with. Besides who are the Government to tell us what we can or can’t drink?
Low marks for BT and TalkTalk in broadband test
May 16th, 2012 • 7 Comments
A young lad, using the internet
Mysterious, clandestine mystery shoppers have carried out a test or two at the behest of Ofcom, so we can all find out about the way ISPs are going about their broadband business.
The findings show that providers aren’t very good at informing us about our broadband speeds. Of course, some are pretty upfront about the maximum and minimum speeds, but some are dropping the internet-shaped ball somewhat.
The worst offenders are TalkTalk and BT who are offering customers little more than an estimate speed without prompting from the customer. This is obviously awful behaviour and we should bring back hanging. Other providers guilty of this behaviour were Karoo, Sky and Plusnet.
Naturally, the problem here is that there’s usually quite a big difference between actual speeds and those estimated. This is all part of the problem with offering speeds of ‘up to…’ and campaigners are trying to get this sorted out. It goes without saying that there’s loads of reasons why we all get differing broadband speeds, such as the distance a user lives from the exchange.
Either way, changes are afoot. Both TalkTalk and BT have agreed to change their processes.
“We strongly support the Ofcom speed code of practice and ensure that anyone who buys BT broadband gets a personalised speed quote before they are committed to purchase,” said a BT spokesman. ”Ofcom has suggested we should make a minor change to mention the speed quote earlier in the sales conversation, which we are happy to do and will implement straight away.”
Ofcom have noted that; “It is vital that as the choice of broadband services expands, UK consumers get the best possible information when choosing a broadband provider.” But can they do enough to stop ISPs acting like fibbing berks? We’ll have to wait and see.
Paddy Power get offensive advert banned
May 16th, 2012 • 5 CommentsPaddy Power have been given a right kicking by the Advertising Standards Authority over an advert for Ladies’ Day at the Cheltenham Festival. The commercial invited viewers to gawp at women and transgender women and try and decide which was which. The ad stated: “We’re going to make Ladies’ Day even more exciting by sending in some beautiful transgendered ladies. Spot the stallions from the mares”. Alas, one woman is branded a “dog.”
The authority upheld complaints saying that the advert was offensive and condoned and encouraged harmful discriminatory behaviour towards the transgender community. “The suggestion that trans people could be segregated into the gender stereotypes ’stallions’ and ‘mares’ as part of a guessing game, trivialised a complex and difficult issue and objectified them in a way that was likely to cause them serious offence,” said the ASA.
Paddy Power claim that they got in touch with the Beaumont Society, which they thought were biggest and longest established transgender support group in the UK, to make sure the commercial didn’t cause offence. As a result of the ban, the bookies said that they didn’t intend to cause offence and were “saddened” to learn that viewers were offended by the ad.
Man mutilates self in order to carry out weak iPod stunt
May 15th, 2012 • 16 Comments
We’re not going to lie to you – it’s been a slow news day. Mind you, we like to think we’ve always got time and space to bring you foolishness such as this – the tale of a man who has just invented the ‘strapless watch’ by fastening his iPod to his wrist.
‘I just invented the strapless watch’ says professional body piercer Dave Hurban, possibly with a big dopey look on his face. But how did he do it? Why, he mapped out the four corners of his iPod on his skin and then inserted four titanium studs into his arm. After the skin had healed, Dave was able to magnetically fix the iPod on his wrist, making him the best man in the world or something.
Look – there’s even a YouTube video that shows you how to do it (although it probably isn’t for the squeamish among you). Dave Hurban – crazy name, crazy guy.
Ryanair site faces ‘24-hour shutdown’ for 26 hours on Friday
May 15th, 2012 • 14 Comments
It wouldn’t be like Ryanair to overly-inconvenience their customers but that might be the case this weekend, as the airline will be shutting down its website from 10pm on Friday until midnight on Saturday. They’re calling it a 24-hour shutdown even though it’ll clearly last for 26 hours. Crazy bastards.
Of course, the shutdown wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that Ryanair charge more to passengers who don’t print off their boarding passes from their website. So there could be some Saturday travellers who find themselves faced with the nasty surprise of a £60 per person charge at the weekend when the site is out of action.
Ryanair say they will be contacting passengers by email, and advised anyone due to fly on Saturday or Sunday to check in online before 4pm on Friday. If you know any Chelsea fans who are travelling by Ryanair to Munich for Saturday’s Champions League final, you might like to tell them. If you hate them, or Chelsea, maybe you won’t.
Amazon to launch new Kindle in July
May 15th, 2012 • 4 Comments
With the rumour that Apple are going to release a tiny iPad in October, the competition have to get their arses in gear. With that, Amazon are hoping to get a new Kindle on the shelves in July.
However, it doesn’t sound much of a match for a new Apple tablet. The new e-reader will have the usual monochrome e-Ink display, which is pretty boring, but it will have the addition of a front light so you can read in the dark. That’ll save you from having a light on won’t it? We all know that putting a bedside lamp on is a massive problem for everyone.
This new Kindle will be a touchscreen affair and come in 3G and WiFi versions.
In other news, Amazon are also going to update the Kindle Fire tablet in Autumn, making it bigger and increasing the display to 8.9 inches. Not that the Kindle Fire is available in Britain yet. That said, we might not be missing out on much as, despite sales being initially strong, demand for the device has cooled significantly. A study by the International Data Corporation, released earlier this month, said that sales had dropped to just 750,000 in the first quarter of this year.
For now, it looks like Apple have got absolutely nothing to worry about and the mini iPad could well kill off all the competition.
Chiltern Rail passengers rush to hear the funny jokes.
The daily rail commute can be unbearable for some of us, so we all should all be thankful to Chiltern Railways for their injection of some much-needed forced jollity into their service. They’ve enlisted hilarity-merchant Tony Robinson to come up with some new scripts for staff to read out as announcements, in an attempt to lighten proceedings and turn those passengers’ frowns upside down.
Here’s some of the rib-ticklers that Robinson has come up with, in association with Green Wing writer Richard Preddy. We’re sure you’ll find them all hilarious…
• ‘Welcome to Marylebone. If you’ve travelled to London for a business meeting later, today’s recommended meaningless phrases are “blue sky thinking,” “moving forward,” and “low-hanging fruit”.’
• ‘Welcome to London Marylebone. Would any passengers hoping to sell their cow for a handful of magic beans please make their way to Jack and the Beanstalk immediately.’
• ‘If there is a Mr Mowgli on the station, Mr Mowgli you have the following message. “Ooh, oobee doo. I wanna be like you. I wanna walk like you. Talk like you, too.” That was a message for Mr Mowgli, thank you.’
• ’For any passengers who’ve not visited London before, do please prepare yourselves for the capital’s overwhelmingly calm and relaxing pace of life.’
• ‘Our next station stop is Bicester, which is the second most wrongly pronounced station on this line, above Haddenham and Thame, but behind London Marlbon. Marlybon. Mary Lee Bone. You know what I mean.’
• ‘Soon we will be passing Warwick Parkway’s famous herd of alpacas. There are rumours that one of them is actually Gareth Gates in a costume. Can you spot him?’
• ‘Next stop: Banbury, which is famous for its canals. It’s a little known fact that Banbury actually has fewer canals than Venice!’
• ‘You are advised that listening to loud music can annoy other passengers. Other ways to annoy them are to block the exits, push onto the train, or call everyone you meet “Denise”.’
Got any suggestions of your own, readers?
TalkTalk customers get nannied over porn
May 14th, 2012 • 14 Comments
Hey! Internet users! You’re probably thinking about porn aren’t you? You’ve probably got a tab open with all manner of smut on it, while you read these words.
Well, if you’re a customer of TalkTalk, you may like to know that they’ve become the first telcom to ask all new account holders to choose whether they want to turn on (phwoar) an anti-porn filter or not. Chances are, most will say ‘no’, making this whole thing a gigantic waste of everyone’s time.
The company have adopted the £20million HomeSafe filter which works by automatically blocking a list of ‘adult content’ such as porn, violence, gambling and drugs. Basically, all the fun stuff. You’ll be asked to reconfirm your filter settings yearly.
Dido Harding, name not a joke, chief executive of TalkTalk, said: ‘Our competitors are being dreadfully slow to wake up to the fact that society as a whole cares strongly about this. Creating a safer online environment for children is similar to car safety for children in the 1970s where everyone needs to play a part, like with the Green Cross Code, education seat belt wearing and car seat use.’
This all comes on the back (hur hur) of Prime Minister David Cameron agreeing to hold an independent consultation on whether or not ISPs should be forced to block all that lovely adult content. One has to wonder – will the Daily Mail and The Sun, two publications who thrill in their use of boobies and war, be included in this filter designed to protect young minds?
O2 announce roaming data cuts
May 14th, 2012 • 5 Comments
The EU have announced cuts on roaming data prices for mobile networks, saying that there needs to be a €0.70/MB limit on internet usage to save us all from horrifying surprise bills.
While we wait for everyone to cotton-on, O2 have decided to crack on with reacting to this decision, announcing a new roaming bundle called O2 Travel. The company are saying that this new tariff gives pay-monthly customers 25MB of data for £2 a day when abroad. If you pass the cap, there’s a you can buy the bolt-on again.
O2 have said that this new package is purely coincidental (yeah right) and that they didn’t need to change data tariffs or prices because they were already in line with EU requirements. Now, bear in mind that the website is still quoting £3/MB for PAYG customers which is five times the EU regulation price.
Either way, at least O2 have actually bothered to do something about roaming charges. Orange and Vodafone are still keeping quiet about their plans and Three, well, they’re still trying to work out how to get their users coverage in their own country, let alone a foreign one.
[PCP]
E.ON to freeze energy prices
May 14th, 2012 • 1 Comment
E.ON have said that they will not be increasing energy tariffs for UK residential customers this year, even though wholesale energy prices have risen. Of course, they were ripping us all off in the first place, but at least they’re trying with this token gesture.
“Unfortunately global energy markets are expected to see an overall trend of rising wholesale prices,” Tony Cocker, Chief Executive of E.ON UK said, but he added the company would still keep residential prices frozen like a nana in winter who can’t afford her heating bills. That’s satirical that is.
Of course, this all comes on the back of the notion that the rest of the Big Six will be putting their prices up after British Gas owner Centrica said the trend for retail energy costs “remains upwards.”
That said, the Big Six all announced tariff cuts in January (after they’d collectively all put up their prices over a period of years, which angered everyone because between them, they own 99% of the market).
Either way, in the battle for good press, E.ON have announced plans to cut its UK power prices by 6 percent. Will the others follow suit?
Virgin Atlantic to offer full mobile phone use in the sky
May 14th, 2012 • 11 Comments
If there’s one thing missing from the flight experience it’s the ability to use your mobile phone to its fullest capacity. How are we meant to function as human beings while cooped up inside a giant iron bird if we’re not allowed to make calls, send texts and surf the net on our beloved handsets?
Thankfully, Virgin Atlantic feel our pain and are about to become the first airline in the UK to offer full mobile access in the air. Their new Airbus A330 planes will be equipped with the technology that will allow us to do all that stuff that will inevitably annoy our fellow passengers. Wahoo!
If you’re travelling between London and New York with Virgin in the near future, you’ll be able to try out the new, ‘improved’ options for your phone, with it appearing on 17 planes on 10 routes by the end of the year. But there’ll be some snags – phone use will be banned on take-off and landing (and the phone service will be switched off when the plane is 400km from the US) and your enjoyment of it all could be ruined by limited bandwidth.
Sounds like a delicious juicy frustration pie for everyone concerned then….
