People who occasionally eat cupcakes are fine, but those cupcake fetishists are the scourge of the Earth. There is no-one more irritating than someone who dribbles on about cupcakes. These people probably share nothing but cat photos online and have a Pinterest dedicated solely to their wedding, which will never happen.
These wretched swine in polka dots who go to swing classes and have Nyan Cat wallpapers on their phones, are ruining it for everyone.
And now, over in New York, there’s a bloody ATM that dispenses cupcakes for those of you who are unable to walk into a shop and buy some.
This CakeTM is something to do with Sprinkles Bakery in NYC and when this thing appeared on the street, it “remained at a consistent 12-15 customers deep throughout the entire day as customers waited to punch in their orders on a touchscreen and watch a mechanical arm snag their delicious dessert treats,” according to a report.
Bring back national service.
Vimto is being relaunched with a toad.
The drinks brand has new-look packaging, and has introduced ‘Vimtoad’, a novelty Northern-style mouthpiece created by Aardman Animations.
While no evidence exists of toads liking Vimto – although we’re aware that crows find Kia-Ora ‘too orangey’ thanks to being citrus intolerant – this will, the company hopes, boost sales as well as helping expand a No Added Sugar range for the healthier set.
Which is a bit strange, as Vimto was originally as a ‘health tonic’ back in 1908. Great days.
Vimto brand manager Clare Brown says, “Vimtoad and our new packaging will continue to appeal to our young consumers while also attracting a wider audience”.
The name is still an anagram of ‘vomit’ though.
Cow enthusiasts have been going mental at Tesco because they were using beef cows on their milk packaging. Instead of shrugging and rightly assuming that 99.9% of people couldn’t give the vaguest crap about cow types, they have instead, scrapped a national advertising campaign.
The posters, which you may have seen knocking about, were designed to highlight Tesco’s moves in the Milk Wars, where they dropped the price of four-pints of milk to a quid. On these promotional posters, one could see cattle that were used exclusively for meat.
A spokesman for Tesco said the adverts were being replaced and didn’t divulge how much this would actually cost the supermarket [insert joke about 'moo-lah' here].
It seems the only people who cared enough to complain were farmers. They know that a Hereford cross cow is better for burgers than brews. Farmer Richard Yates, who has a herd of 100 Friesian cows told the Shropshire Star that Tesco were using cows that “would never have been milked in their lives”. ”That shows how out of touch they are and what they think of dairy farmers.”
A Tesco spokesman said: “As soon as we spotted this mistake we organised for new pictures to be used, which customers can expect to see in their local store very soon.”
Holy cow! etc
The Advertising Standards Authority have stood by their decision to nix the controversial Paddy Power advert which featured Oscar Pistorius.
The ASA said that the ad had received a record breaking amount of complaints, thereby making it “the most complained about ad of all time.”
If you missed the advert, it showed Pistorius as an Academy Award-statuette with the words; “It’s Oscar time. Money back if he walks”.
Basically, the ad caused a kerfuffle for two reasons: Firstly, it makes fun of the athlete’s disability and, of course, more pertinent is the small matter of mocking a case where a woman got murdered.
While the ad was on the receiving end of an unprecedented amount of complaints, Paddy Power refused to budge, defending it saying that their “savvy punters” would want to have a “courtroom flutter”, and that they weren’t “planning to take down our betting on the Pistorius trial verdict. We have a long history of offering odds on major global news events and the Oscar Pistorius trial is no different.”
Dutch homeware brand Brabantia is launching new branding and packaging in a bid to reposition itself as an ‘interior design brand’.
The new identity was created by Amsterdam-based Studio Aandacht, working with fellow Dutch consultancy Agency Proud on packaging design.
Mechteld Petersen, value director for brand, marketing and product innovation at Brabantia, says the new look aims to give a “more approachable, feminine and warm” feel.
“Our aim was to soften our brand”, says Petersen. “We want to seduce our consumers with our new packaging by touching their hearts”.
Brabantia manufactures products including waste bins, laundry racks, food storage containers.
Just say that out loud: “We want to seduce our consumers with our new packaging by touching their hearts”.
Christ on a bike.
Want to hear the final ‘shamones’ of Michael Jackson on his posthumous new album? Well, it’s going to take more than an iTunes voucher, I’m afraid. If you want to get your ears on the King of Pop’s farewell creation, you’ll have to spend £600. Why? Because you can only get it if you buy the new Sony Xperia Z2 smartphone.
Yes, it’s bad. It’s bad. You know it.
This fiendish move by Sony is bound to bring all the hardcore Michael Jackson fans running wildly towards the new Xperia – which is supposed to be a good piece of kit – but it’s not very fair for anyone else wanting to hear his final work without having to invest in a new and expensive smartphone.
Will there be a release of the album for people who don’t have £600 to drop on an exclusive albumphone bundle? Who knows. One thing’s for sure – MJ has enough crazy diehard fans out there to give the forthcoming Xperia Z2 a head start in sales.
What next in the depressing world of marketing? Will we have to buy a pair of Timberlands to get the next Justin Timberlake record? A royal yacht to hear Prince? What a bleedin’ rip off.
It might be made from 4 legged chickens from hell, but the Advertising Standards Authority have rejected complaints that last year’s KFC Christmas advert ‘mocked elements of Christian worship.’
The snarky musical ad encourages people of all faiths to set aside their differences at Christmas and chow down on a grease-ridden bucket of genetically modified poultry.
The 30 Christian complainants got cross at the scene which features a group of carol singers, who trill the lines: ‘We turned up at your house again, singing all our stupid songs.’ In reply, the homeowner sings: ‘Normally I’d hose you down but now it just seems wrong.’
(STUPID CHRISTIAN SONGS! Songs about angels and the Baby Jesus – stupid?? Surely not!)
While it was a bit tongue-in-cheek, KFC maintained that they didn’t intend to mock any faith or religion, and that the homeowner was meant to be like Scrooge. As anyone with even a sliver of a sense of humour could interpret. But 30 outraged people didn’t see it that way.
Even so, it’s a triumph for common sense as the ASA found it ‘unlikely to cause serious or widespread offence.’
You know what’s actually offensive? The new KFC Triple X-tra meal, aimed at REAL MEN, and containing a whopping, artery-rupturing 1130 calories.
Everyone’s been chattering about the controversial Paddy Power ad-campaign that features odds on the Oscar Pistorius murder trial. Clearly, it is in very poor taste, but is being tasteless illegal?
Either way, increased scrutiny has ensured that the campaign will be investigated by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA).
The ad, which you can see below, shows the head of Pistorius superimposed onto an Oscar statue and says: “It’s Oscar Time. Money back if he walks. We will refund all losing bets on the Oscar Pistorius trial if he is not found guilty.”
The ASA said they are launching the investigation after receiving 46 complaints in two days. Presumably, all the complaints focused on the fact that Paddy Power ostensibly appear to be trying to make some money out of the death of Reeva Steenkamp.
As ever, with anything vaguely topical, an online petition appeared and over 100,000 people signed it asking Paddy Power to withdraw the advert.
The petition said: ”The brutal death of a woman at the hands of her partner is not ‘sport’ or ‘entertainment’ and promoting the opportunity to make money from it is a vile and offensive act which anyone with a sense of human dignity and respect for human life must reject.”
“138 women died in the UK alone as a result of male violence in 2013. This type of random carelessness for the lives of women by Paddy Power is an affront to those women and their families.”
Meanwhile, Paddy Power’s website encouraged “savvy punters” to have a “courtroom flutter”, signing off with: “One thing’s for sure, trial verdicts don’t come much bigger than this.”
Thus far, Paddy Power are not for shifting, saying: ”We are not planning to take down our betting on the Pistorius trial verdict. We have a long history of offering odds on major global news events and the Oscar Pistorius trial is no different.”
National Geographic have done an advert of a 3D crocodile which is making people poo their pants with terror.
Of course, it is one of those optical illusions that looks rubbish from certain angles. However, when you’re going down an escalator in Brazil and it is at the optimum viewpoint, there’s a very real chance that you could do a small about of wee.
The ad, shamelessly swiped off Reddit (thanks SAT0725), is a marketing ploy for ‘Mundo Salvagem de Richard Rasmussen’ (which means, roughly, ‘are you ready for adventure in the Brazilian forests? Wild world with Richard Rasmussen’).
You have to say, as marketing goes, this is frighteningly good. Until some old person keels over and dies of a heart attack.
Adidas’ new range of crap sexist World Cup t-shirts have offended the Brazilian government, who say they portray an overtly sexualized image of Brazil and could encourage sex tourism.
The shirts – one which screams ‘I love Brazil’ but instead of a heart, there’s an arse with a thong – and one which says ‘Lookin’ To Score in Brazil’ with a stylized image of a lady in a bikini – apparently go against the country’s official marketing guidelines, which state that there should be no ‘links between national icons and images with sex appeal.’ (Which explains Pele.)
There’s already a huge problem with underage prostitution in Brazil, and the government is concerned that gangs will infiltrate World Cup host cities to provide tourists with even more underage girls. The Brazilian president, Dilma Rouseff, even went onto Twitter to say she wasn’t having any of it.
So Adidas have agreed to stop selling the limited edition shirts, which were really horrible in the first place anyway. HURRAY.
Another day, another dodgy advert that treats women like sex dolls, this time for VIP e-cigarettes. E-cig advertising is controversial anyway, without making an ad featuring a quite angry looking and aroused woman saying ‘I want to see it. Feel it, hold it. Put it in my mouth.’ HAHA, she’s talking about e-cigarettes, but it’s hilarious because you – yes, you, the saddo on the sofa with the joggies that smell of rotten vegetables – you think she’s talking about your knob!
The classy folks at VIP did a male version (for, you know, balance) with him very helpfully asking: ‘Do you want to see it? I can get it out if you’d like. You can feel it hold it, put it in your mouth and see how great it tastes.’
THEN, the piece de resistance of awfulness was the tagline – ‘if you wanna vape, then vape with VIP’. Geddit? We’re assuming ‘vape’ refers to ‘vapours’ but hey, ‘Vape’ also rhymes with RAPE. HAHA, clever, eh? Someone find that copywriter and give him (let’s hope it’s a him) a huge congratulatory kick in the balls for that one.
Anyway, there have been 1,159 completely justified complaints to the ASA due to the overtly sexualized nature of the ad, which was broadcast in the ad breaks between ‘I’m A Celebrity’ last year.
Clearcast originally cleared the ad to appear after the 9pm watershed, and said that they didn’t think it was demeaning or sexist, it was just suggestive. While the ASA haven’t banned it outright, it can only be broadcast after 11pm.
How about just throwing it in a landfill with all the e-cigarettes?
While nobody would have particularly high hopes for a strip club called ‘Beavers’, there have to be some standards, or society will just fall apart in an avalanche of G-strings, Monster energy drinks and legal highs.
So it’s lucky for the morals of our nation that the Advertising Standards Authority has stepped in to ban an advert that Beavers ran in that most prestigious of er, organs, The Watford Observer.
The ad featured a standard stripper bum with the strapline: ‘Sorry baby, the car broke down.’ Thus hinting that men were stopping off there for a dirty lapdance while the old ball and chain sat fuming at home over a baking tray full of burnt chicken dippers.
The ASA ruled that the text was ‘demeaning to women’ and was likely to cause serious and widespread offence.
The decision to make a stripper’s bum take up a third of the ad was also deemed to be ‘irreponsible’ and Beavers was warned not to use filthy pics and hideous Jim Davidson style sexist headlines in a family newspaper.
Ah, if only the ASA had to the power to tell that to The Sun…
The company is trying to win back users by personalising the overall experience, but also, by embracing ads after years of ignoring them.
In an official blog post, Mozilla said that they’ll be sell ads through a new Directory Tiles initiative. Basically, there’ll be nine rectangular tiles in a new tab. When you open a new tab in Firefox, you’ll get nine blank tiles across the page. Those will fill up with your most-visited and recently visited websites. These tiles will also show “sponsored content.”
“We are excited about Directory Tiles because it has inherent value to our users, it aligns with our vision of a better Internet through trust and transparency, and it helps Mozilla become more diversified and sustainable as a project,” said VP of content services, Darren Herman.
“While we have not worked out the entire product roadmap, we are beginning to talk to content partners about the opportunity, and plan to start showing Directory Tiles to new Firefox users as soon as we have the user experience right.”
Of course, other browsers have adverts in them, but if you’ve been sticking with Firefox because it is ad-free, then this will be irritating news.
Sony’s Walkman MP3 player is a pretty robust piece of kit, but this year, they launched a waterproof version for swimmers. In a bid to catch people’s eye, they decided to market it – confidently – submerged inside a bottle of water.
That’s a bit mental, but clearly a smart piece of advertising. Have a look at the video below. Might be useful if you want to listen to some sad trombone music in a flooded area.