Nokia now goes by the name of Lumia

October 22nd, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

nokia lumia logo 300x168 Nokia now goes by the name of LumiaAfter reporting that the Microsoft looked like they were offing Nokia, it’s now official.

Microsoft could keep hold of the name for another ten years, but obviously thought “no, that’s it, you’re dead to us!” and will now be known as the not-at-all catchy ‘Microsoft Lumia’.

The Nokia brand had been visible on recent smartphone launches such as the Lumia 930 and Lumia 735, but Microsoft has not mentioned it in any press on marketing junk.

The Windows Phone apps have also been re-branded to Lumia, and the firm hasn’t even been referring to Windows Phone in advertising, instead using just Windows instead.

The rebranding will roll out across various countries in due course, however it is unclear what branding Microsoft will decide to use on future smartphones and tablets.

Existing devices carry the Nokia logo on the front and back so it will probably be a little while for new devices all branded and sexed up to arrive.

Still. No more Nokia! The name of a mobile giant is chucked in the bin just like that. We’ll be playing ‘Snake’ all night and crying while seeing if it is possible to actually break a Nokia 3310 without the use of nuclear weapons.

Sugar Puffs RIP

October 17th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

Sugar Puffs RIP. That’s right - Sugar Puffs have been modified to have less sugar and – oh God – are being renamed. Are Mumsnet behind this? This reeks of people complaining about the word ‘sugar’ on a children’s breakfast.

The legendary treat will now be called Honey Monster Puffs. Look at the state of them.

honey monster Sugar Puffs RIP

The new look puffs will feature a revised recipe with less sugar and 20% more honey, and also features traffic light nutritional labelling on front of pack, which no-one will read. And besides, isn’t honey the same thing as sugar?

The puffs’ owners, Halo, said it was taking a “responsible and transparent” approach to nutrition and wanted to help consumers make informed decisions. Honey Monster Puffs contain 8.6g of sugar in a 30g portion – down from the 9.3g of the previous recipe – which is less than Krave (9g), Coco Pops (11g) and Frosties (11g).

Halo said the sugar content of the brand had been reduced by almost 40% in the past decade. That’s no fun is it? Some things are great purely because they’re really, really bad for you. Anyway, this is all part of a relaunch for the cereal, which has gradually been crashing saleswise over the last few years.

“We feel the product ­relaunch, coupled with our move to bring the product name in line with the Honey Monster character, can help grow our share of the cereals category,” said Halo Foods marketing director Andy Valentine.

The Honey Monster will be back, as he’s the dude on the packaging, and as is always the way these days, they’re hoping to ‘tap into nostalgia of the brand’. Jeez.

A key element of the marketing will be encouraging children to get outside and be active, and allowing them to be au fait with a big yellow monster coming in to nick their breakfast, who has urine that smells exactly like the cereal he’s promoting.

You’ve probably complained about people wearing wax jackets when they’ve never been near the countryside or whined about Land Rover drivers who only ever use their vehicles in the city. Of course you have. It’s brilliant slagging these people off.

Well, North Face had an idea.

Shoppers in Korea got quite the fright when they were idly browsing through North Face’s wares, to suddenly find that the floor gave way and they had no choice to but to climb like a North Face wearing mountaineering person.

This was all to tie in with the company’s brand’s motto, “Never Stop Exploring.”

After climbing the wall (or falling into a pit), the consumers were then faced with a prize – a coat dangling in mid-air, for which you’d have to jump to claim.

“Consumers are used to comfortable city lives and are losing their natural strengths,” The North Face said about the “Never Stop Exploring” campaign. “Based on this brand philosophy, North Face Korea induces customers to face an unexpected challenge and encourages them to overcome the situation with their own strength in order to begin their journey to explore.”

Also: people will do daft stuff for a freebie. Either way, a decent marketing stunt this. With that, we’d like to see Land Rover showrooms slowly removing their floors and sending the poshos of South West London careering down the side of an active volcano for a test drive.

Free prawn sandwich with Roy Keane books

October 11th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Roy Keane has been having a pop at just about everyone on Earth in his latest book.

Tesco, ignoring their recent troubles, decided to have a giggle at the whole thing and do a creative/sarcastic promotion for the book by offering prawn sandwiches to those who bought a copy.

BzqpII3IMAA3BiN 333x500 Free prawn sandwich with Roy Keane books

 

Well played Tesco.

[via @Fozzington]

Red Bull: No wings pay-out

October 10th, 2014 2 Comments By Ian Wade

red bull 300x199 Red Bull: No wings pay outRed Bull customers have been hammering them for a payout, after they were sued for false advertising.

It turns out that the slogan “Red Bull gives you wings”, which the company had been using for over a decade is false. It doesn’t actually give you wings.

SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU THIS WAY.

Anyone who felt slighted by not obtaining wings after glugging down the syrupy energy gloop, can now take advantage of a cash reimbursement from Red Bull, after they set $13 million aside into an account.

No. Seriously.

Figuring that it would quietly die down, the company’s website has now been inundated with claims, with the likelihood of the settlement devaluing somewhat from the initial $10 to less than $3, due to an internet storm.

The site has been visited over four million times now, but as no proof of purchase is needed – anyone could feasibly waltz in and say that they broke their back jumping from a block of flats under the proviso that wings would occur, and that’d be cool apparently.

You have until March 2015 to claim your pay-out (which will be next-to-nothing) if you were in anyway affected by the lack of wings.

Of course, if they had advertised it as ‘Red Bull gives you a massive headache and buggers about with your sleep patterns’ then there’d be none of this palaver.

God help us if there’s a war.

Crush your car with MoneySuperMarket!

October 8th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

cars 300x200 Crush your car with MoneySuperMarket!Price comparison website MoneySuperMarket are offering everyone the option to crush their cars!

The website wants to get people across the country thinking about ‘crushing’ car insurance quotes by giving them the opportunity to crush a real car.

You there, in social media land, can use The Car Insurance Epic Car Crusher, which is a 6000 kilo robotic hand over the next two days.

Controlled from MoneySuperMarket’s Facebook page, it will offer four entrants an hour the chance to crush a car. And if you’re unlucky there, in the waiting hub you will also be able to play a car racing game, watch a live feed of cars being crushed and view the gallery of cars destroyed previously.

This is too much for a Wednesday, no?

David Harling, head of digital at MoneySuperMarket, said: “We wanted to demonstrate in a very ‘real’ way just how powerful our price comparison site is in crushing car insurance quotes and this activity was the perfect fit, playing to every driver’s secret desire to obliterate a car in true movie villain style.”

“The execution is in keeping with the ‘epic’ tone of our creative executions and gives car drivers across the country a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity they’ll be bragging to friends about for weeks.”

‘Engagement and destruction’. It’s like Ballard or something.

Lidl are now trolling Morrisons

October 4th, 2014 10 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Lidl are at it again! After trolling Sainsbury’s over their 50p debacle, they’re now taking the Michael out of Morrisons.

As you know, Morrisons have announced that they are going to price match Lidl with a new scheme, after Lidl and Aldi ate away at the competitions profits by basically selling everything more cheaply.

Lidl aren’t taking that lying down and have trolled Morrisons in an advert in today’s papers.

IMG 20141004 092235 408x500 Lidl are now trolling Morrisons

 

As Lidl point out, you can go through all the faff of price matching with Morrisons and follow the exhaustive instructions as detailed in the sarcastic ad above, or, you could just shop at Lidl.

Looks like this is just the beginning of the supermarket wars getting ugly with each other in the press. Grab the popcorn. This could get very entertaining.

Look at the state of this chartered accountant

October 3rd, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Initially, we were going to say ‘here’s a picture of Jonathan Franks, a chartered accountant, presented without comment’.

However, it really is very difficult to look at a berk in a suit, posing with a guitar, trying to jazz up a chartered accountancy advert without thinking of all the swear words simultaneously, as well as being flooded with irritation and looming pity.

Seriously. There were so many opportunities to make sure this photo didn’t happen, yet…

BaltFA8CEAADjJA 500x375 Look at the state of this chartered accountant

This photo was stolen from a twitter account.

It’s not enough that the bargain supermarkets are cheaper and more popular than the traditional stalwarts, now Lidl is proving that it too is as funny as Aldi by taking out massive adverts in national newspapers just to take the proverbial out of Sainsbury’s.

You can’t have failed to notice the huge gaffe Sainsbury’s made the other day, when a staff motivation poster encouraging workers to squeeze just 50p more out of every customer was accidentally posted in the main store window, rather than in the staff room. So Lidl have responded in kind, designing their own mock-up of the same poster and printing it in two national newspapers today.

Lidl Sainsbury s 50p challenge Lidl trolls Sainsburys 50p challenge error

Of course, there is one important difference in the Lidl ad- rather than wanting customers to spend 50p more, Lidl wants their ‘lovely’ customers to save as many 50ps as they can, tying it in to their latest #lidlsurprises campaign.

Arnd Pickhardt, advertising and marketing director of Lidl UK, said: “We saw an opportunity to show – in a light-hearted way – how our customers can make savings of 50p and beyond by shopping with us. As part of our #LidlSurprises campaign, we’re always looking for fun ways to surprise and delight our customers.”

We’re down with being surprised and delighted by humorous trolling. Every little helps.

Deathwatch: Argos aliens

October 1st, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

Cheerio Argos Aliens!

Yes, the slightly baffling and teeth grating family of aliens that Argos have had as a front for their business, are to bid farewell after three years of unfunniness.

They’ve posted a 60 second video to Argos fans. Clearly because such a realm exists.

The aliens final fling is set to a rendition of Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’ from a Ziggy Stardust-clad Dad, voiced by Bill Nighy. Even as you watch them depart, they’ll manage to make you unhappy.

Apparently the aliens attracted seven million YouTube hits over the last three years. Mostly people rubbing their eyes and going “WTF is this garbage?”

As a parting gift for aliens fans Argos’ social media agency, The Social Practice, has launched a Facebook and Twitter competition to win a set of alien dolls and Argos vouchers by voting for the best alien moments from the last three years.

“best alien moments”

TNT has a change

September 30th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

tnt 300x228 TNT has a changeTNT have been having something of a rebrand.

Some designers named Design Bridge have rebranded delivery company TNT, “positioning” it as The People Network and to emphasise this, they’ve created a circular device which represents “perpetual motion”.

Further ponce-speak is to be had, as Design Bridge were asked to come up with something that would “reflect TNT’s vision”.

“The People Network”, reflects the company’s aim to connect people and businesses in a “truly personal, rather than purely professional manner”, according to Design Bridge.

And – Oh God – they hope it will help “galvanise the ‘challenger’ spirit of those working internally at TNT”, as well as TNT customers.

TNT chief executive Tex Gunning, said this with his mouth: “Customers are not barcodes and we are not robots. We all relate to what drives our customers: business growth with a personal touch. Taking time to understand what customers really need distinguishes us from others. We are The People Network.”

There’s an advert too, so feast your eyes

TNT Post rebranded as Whistl earlier this month too. No idea why.

Bitterwallet Facebook censorship Facebook will now follow you around throwing ads at youUpgrade your ad blockers, for Facebook’s ads are now going to start stalking you on the internet.

Starting today, Facebook will use data it gathers from the users for its new ad network, Atlas, which it will serve up ads on non-Facebook sites based on what Facebook knows about you.

Atlas was a Microsoft thing that Facebook scooped up last year to the tune of $100 million. Facebook have tinkered a bit with it a bit, but Atlas is a bit like Google’s AdWords, which will let advertisers follow users across the web and mobile devices.

According to a blog post from Atlas’ head, Erik Johnson: ”Cookies don’t work on mobile, are becoming less accurate in demographic targeting and can’t easily or accurately measure the customer purchase funnel across browsers and devices or into the offline world.”

Let us all enjoy that once again; “customer purchase funnel.

This opens a hellmouth of new opportunities for online advertising, with Atlas acting as an alternative to Google ads. Feel free to add your own ‘do bears shit in the woods’ sentiments in the comments below.

LG fail at trolling Apple thanks to using iPhone

September 29th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Trolling, done properly, is an artform. People mistake simply abusing someone as trolling. Trolling is when you get someone apoplectic with frustration without them knowing you were just getting a rise out of them.

Well, LG in France thought they’d mock Apple during the awfully named ‘Bendgate’*, but they dropped a clanger.

lg france tweet on bendgate 500x375 LG fail at trolling Apple thanks to using iPhone

While LG were chuckling to themselves at their very modern marketing jape, everyone pointed out that they’d mocked Apple while using Twitter on an iPhone.

The company said in their tweet, while talking about the LG G Flex smartphone: “Our phone doesn’t bend, it flexes…on purpose. #bendgate”

But the bloody idiots forgot to send the tweet from their desktop or, indeed, the LG G Flex which would’ve been a secure, tight trolling. Not only were they failing to mock Apple, but they were also inadvertently saying; ‘Hey! Buy our phones, even though our social media team doesn’t believe in them and would rather own a handset from a rival!’

The tweet was removed once LG had discovered the “issue”, but alas, everyone had already got a screengrab. Still, LG will be happy enough that they’re getting any coverage at all during the current Apple-fest, even if it does make them look like thundering bozos.

*As an aside, why do we add ‘gate’ on the end of things? If that was the correct procedure, Nixon would’ve been embroiled in Watergategate.

Smirnoff want to go dancing with you and Spotify

September 26th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

Smirnoff are having a bit of a revamp.

The vodka brand that was famously boycotted by some gays for a bit, have unveiled a new £15 million advertising campaign, and are now close to finalising a deal with Spotify in Europe.

The deal with the online streamer is to ‘deepen the brand’s connection to dance music’. Which is one way of saying ‘loads of clubbers like to cane vodka’.

The company originally piloted the tie-up with Spotify in the US, when it introduced its ‘Exclusively for Everybody’ brand messaging.

The new advert follows the theme of filtering, with the dismissal of ‘pretentious nights out’ with the line “Filter the unnecessary. Keep the good stuff”.

The Spotify/ Smirnoff tie-up will see the vodka curating an ad-free playlist of bangers, based on the artists they listen to, and it is hoped that it will be a rewarding engagement all round.

The vodka also worked with DJ duo Psychemagik on the track which features in the new advert and is now planning to release it as a single via Spotify, SoundCloud and their own platforms.

You know how it is. You’re an eager young upstart graduate looking to make your mark in the cut throat world of marketing and advertising. Marketing 101 tells you to use current events as a hook to make your marketing materials more appealing. What Marketing 101 does not tell you, however, is that some things are just not suitable to be shoe horned into a marketing email. Like a man’s untimely death…

Unfortunately that is exactly what some bright spark at an airport parking company in the US did (no, we’re not going to name them and reward insensitivity with increased exposure), by emailing customers suggesting that the stress of checking in might have killed the man, in Chicago. The company, which operates at more than 85 airports in the US and Canada, sent out an email on Monday headed “Can on-airport parking kill?” and offered potential croakers parkers a cheery $5 off voucher, joking: “Don’t be late and end up in a crate.” Hilarious.

The marketing email stopped short of claiming that using their service could have prevented the death but did ponder whether the stress of the airport experience had killed the unidentified man “There could be many reasons for the cause of this man’s death, but based on the story one possible reason could be stress. The process of arriving to the airport, getting through security, and boarding the plane can be very stressful.”

airport parking 3048610c Airport parking firm use mans death in marketing email

Unsurprisingly, email recipients were less than impressed with the email, and the company was forced to apologise for causing “frustration and grief”, describing the email as an “unfortunate event”. Not as unfortunate as the poor man they thoughtlessly used though, eh?

“We would like to sincerely apologise for the last marketing email sent that has caused frustration and grief for our customers. We strive to provide our customers with the utmost service and respect; however, we fell short on this commitment,” the company said.

“There is no excuse for the topic of the recent email sent to our customers, and we can only extend our deepest apologies to those disrespected by it.

“We have ensured that any marketing or communication sent from our company will not contain any sensitive or offensive content of that nature. We appreciate your continued business with us and apologize once again for this unfortunate event.”