Archive for the ‘In the shops now!’ Category

For a front-to-back meal, ASDA serves up a treat

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

It saddens us, dear reader, when all our efforts to make the world a better place for consumers go unnoticed, and instead we’re accused of juvenile schoolboy behaviour in a desperately pathetic bid to score some linkbait. We can’t tell you how much it hurts, how much your withering cynicism cuts us to the bone.

In other news, here’s some cock flavoured soup and Best Shito hot pepper sauce:

Bitterwallet - cock soup and shit sauce

As spotted in ASDA in Slough by avid Bitterwallet reader Mark. What do you mean, you’ve seen it before? Balls to you, sir. We’re washed up hacks and too drunk to type. It’s all we have to give.

Damn, we bought ours last week before it got reduced!

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Screen shot 2010-03-09 at 12.56.14

[From Amazon. Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader Natalie]

In the shops now! – boot-up a Danish-themed England laptop

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Thanks to HUKD member Martin Ellson and avid Bitterwallet reader Billy for bringing to our attention the shoddiest piece of World Cup merchandise we’ve seen since the Wayne Rooney hatstand, and it can be yours right now for just £245 at ASDA:

Bitterwallet - England laptop

Isn’t it sweet? And classy. Yessir – if you don’t buy one right now, you’re not a true fan. We can’t think of a better way to support England in South Africa this summer than by purchasing a crappy netbook with a Danish-coloured flag slapped on. Er. And the blurb agrees! Sort of:

You’ve got the shirt, you’ve got the scarf, you’ve got the flag, now get the official England FA laptop, and show your support to the lads. The official England laptop will support the FA’s ‘Invest In The Game’ scheme, which sees any surplus from merchandising put back into football at grass roots level. Fans can feel confident that by purchasing this product, as well as supporting their national heroes, they are also investing in the future of the beautiful game.

Is that so? If I buy one, will it mean our national football team will stop sticking it in anything with a hole and crack on with playing football? No? Oh. Bitterwallet – backing England all the way to the quarter-finals.

In the shops now! The cider that isn’t for weaklings

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Ah, we haven’t had any vaguely amusing spelling mistakes for at least a day. To save you suffering from withdrawl symptoms, here’s a photo from avid Bitterwallet reader Ed, taken in his local ASDA. To be fair, the chap on the box with the bow does look quite muscular:

Bitterwallet - Strongbow vs Strongboy

Any more? Yes? Good. Send them to bitterwallet@gmail.com.

In the shops now – a load of old rubbish

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

From today’s Financial Times. Just don’t all rush at once…

0902 cpforsalebig 500x394 In the shops now   a load of old rubbish

[Londonist]

In the shops now! HMV sale means no savings

Monday, February 8th, 2010

I haven’t swung by HMV for a while, but I recall seeing this type of thing happen in the past. Avid Bitterwallet reader Kirsty and her chum bought a pair a headphones in a sale at the Bullring store in Birmingham, only to discover shortly afterward that she hadn’t saved a bean:

Bitterwallet - HMV sales means no saving

General electronic doofery or the curse of having a new sale every other day? You decide. Or, alternatively, don’t. Send more, none or less of the same to bitterwallet@gmail.com.

In the shops now! No, us neither…

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

golden coin maker

Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader Nik Johnson

in the shops now! Don’t count on discount at IKEA

Friday, January 15th, 2010

The IKEA Family card – there’s no need to have a family to have one – it’s only a loyalty card, not a ball-and-chain. There are some decent advantages to this particular piece of plastic – free tea and coffee in the restaurant, discounts and “invitations to in-store home furnishing events”. You lucky bastards.

Not all the offers are much cop, though – avid Bitterwallet reader and IKEA Family card holder Richard was a little irritated to find the one item he wanted to order for a present offered a less-than generous discount:

Bitterwallet - no discounts at IKEA

Send more or less of this nonsense if you please, to bitterwallet@gmail.com.

In the shops now! Price puzzle at WH Smith – book’em, Dano

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

Avid Bitterwallet reader Dan is getting on a bit, and he’s not afraid to admit it:

“As I’m getting older and generally drinking more I’ve noticed I’m beginning to forget important dates, so I started trawling the net to look for a diary for keeping dates and anniversaries. I later found out I was actually looking for something called a birthday book. That’s when I spotted this online at WH Smiths:”

Bitterwallet - a birthday book from WH Smith

But click on the larger image, and:

Bitterwallet - birthday book from  WH Smith

It’s not a mandatory P&P charge – the options for delivery state that collection in-store and first-class delivery are free. Probably just an out-of-date photo then, so let us know if you spot one for sale in-store. After all, charging a 22 per cent mark-up for an online sale would be rude.

In the shops now! Special K special offer is a special price

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Avid Bitterwallet reader Andy is one of those clever chaps that writes computer programmes. It’s his type that will inevitably lead to the US missile programme developing a maniacal AI and the eventual thermonuclear obliteration of mankind. Cheers Andy. In the meantime, he’s been tickled by the generosity of his local ASDA in Bristol:

Bitterwallet - ASDA price FAIL

If you can take time out from bringing on the End of Days by popping to the shops, send the results to bitterwallet@gmail.com

In the shops now! – odour disorder and fragrance fracas

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Brian Fantana: It’s illegal in nine countries. Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
Ron Burgundy: It’s quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It’s a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They’ve done studies, you know. 60 per cent of the time it works, every time.
Ron Burgundy: That doesn’t make sense.

Bitterwallet - Sex Panther?

Of course they were referring to fictional eau de toilette Sex Panther, rather than a “lush blend of galanga and vodka drizzled over notes of Iris and dark chocolate” which only sounds made up. Either way, the numbers involved make less sense than a horse’s fist. Thanks to Bitterwallet reader Joe who ’scent’ in this basket blunder. Send none, more or less to bitterwallet@gmail.com.

In the shops now! – spectacles for the deviant in you

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

We’ll be dead honest with you – if we were in charge of flogging cheap pairs of glasses online, it would never occur to us to name a range of frames after a sexual deviant. Well, it’d probably our first thought, but we wouldn’t actually go through with it.

Maybe that’s why we’re a bunch a lazy failed hacks who sit on our fat arses all day, and not the marketing gurus at Perfect Glasses, because instead of pretentious names such as Hero or Azure, Perfect Glasses have taken a far more revealing approach:

Bitterwallet - Glasses - for the Perv in all of us

Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader Esther for that. Anymore? Send it all to bitterwallet@gmail.com

In the shops now! – costly couscous from harlet Harriott

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

We’re not fans of overly flamboyant daytime pot-botherer Ainsley Harriott. And as for the exotic range of fancy couscous he mercilessly flogs, you can screw off if you think we’re paying that while doing the big shop at Lidl:

Bittterwallet - Ainsley Harriott at Lidl

Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader Stuart for the photo. Seen any half-cocked pricing banality? Does the sight of Ainsley Harriott mugging to the camera make you cry? Tell us all about it at bitterwallet@gmail.com.

In the shops now! – Orange you glad Tesco exist?

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

When is a deal not a deal? To be honest, I’ve no idea how to answer a stupid question like that. However, at least my rudimentary numerical skills are better than those trout brained dolts at Tesco who have got yet another crappy Yellow Label offer currently running on their orange juice:
tesco value

That said, Tesco are rather wealthy, so maybe I shouldn’t slag their maths off. I can still take umbrage with them being robbing bastards though.

[SignsThatFascinateAndIntrigue]

In the shops now! – the biggest deal of 2010 already at Amazon

Monday, January 4th, 2010

It maybe be a brand new year, but we’re keen to trot out the same half-arsed nonsense that has endeared us to you, the avid Bitterwallet reader over the past twelve months. Just because the rich and the famous are reading Bitterwallet these days – actor Peter Haplin, to name just one – there’s still plenty of less cerebral content for commoners like yourself to enjoy.

For instance, there’s this tremendous bargain now available at Amazon – a Jane Shilton Harrow Small Zip Detail Crossbody Bag:

Bitterwallet - Jane Shilton price bargain on Amazon

An incredible deal, as spotted by HUKD member and Bitterwallet fan hdizzle. Any more? Send them to bitterwallet@gmail.com.  Bitterwallet – as read by Peter Haplin.