As the nightmarish reality of the stuff of things hits us hard, and we wake up to the fact that (a) Christmas is over (b) we’ve scoffed all the sweets, and (c) it’s frigging freezing, it’s time to turn our thoughts towards fresh escapism. Getting away from it all.

Together with the bargain junkies at HotUKDeals, here’s a few tips that will help you leave behind your day-to-day drudgery and take a well-earned break – while keeping back enough dosh to use as spending money.

How do you feel about a holiday costing from as little as £9.50? You’d probably imagine that it involves sleeping in a ditch in the Shetland Islands and surviving on potato peelings that have been dumped round the back of a nearby chippy.

You’d be bloody wrong. In fact it involves cutting out tokens from a national newspaper and taking your pick from a wide and wonderful range of destinations. If you want to survive on potato peelings that have been dumped round the back of a nearby chippy, that’s entirely your choice.
(deal found by weesiecodal)
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Brace yourselves people – there’s a big chill a-coming. If reports are to be believed, we’re going to be frozen into our homes for the next week as Jack Frost and his gang calmly stroke the UK with their spindly icy fingers.

We’re reaching for the brandy just thinking about it. But fear not – thanks to these tips, in conjunction with HotUKDeals, should help to ease the pain and thaw the freeze.

Kicking off, here’s a Brother DCP-135C All-In-One printer, yours for just £34.49 delivered and in your home. Replacement ink cartridges are reassuringly affordable if you shop around too.

We recommend that you get along to www.realflamepictures.com and download a bunch of snaps of roaring fires then print the out and huddle around them for warmth. If that doesn’t work, burn them inside a big metal bin.
(deal found by Predikuesi)
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Happy New Year from HotUKDeals Of The Day. Luckily for all of us, the bargains are like roadworks or Graham Norton – they never fucking well quit.

Here’s the sharpest tools in the discount bin today, in conjunction with the sharp kiddies from HotUKDeals.

We’ve just looked in the Bitterwallet fridge. Having not been to the shops for about 10 days, it makes for pretty grisly viewing. The best thing in there is a yellow pepper that has got Santa’s beard growing out of the side of it.

A trip to the supermarket is in order then, and according to this post, Asda are rolling back 1,000 items, with lots of stuff reduced down to the size of the humble quid. Visit the forum as conflicting reports appear by the hour.
(deal found by pedroman)
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As more High Street names crumble, bargain hunters have to be careful when shopping in the sales. You never know – you could be trying on a pullover in a changing room somewhere when administrator cops bust in and seal off the building. Before you know it you’re trapped an regarded as an asset, and how much are you REALLY worth?

Best stay in front of your computer screen and sift through these bargains served up by the forum-dwellers at HotUKDeals. If you do have to go out and actually enter a shop, take a cricket bat – you might have to fight your way to freedom.

Firstly today, how big is too big when it comes to a telly? We reckon it’s only too big when your nose and mouth is chafing against the screen while you’re watching it – anything else is fine, although we’re not opticians so don’t quote us on anything.

With that in mind, a 58” HD Plasma TV for less than £2k seems like a must-buy to us. The one in the picture has a programme about a lake on it, although we believe this particular model will also show Bergerac, Art Attack and The Big Fat German Sex Show, if such a thing exists.
(deal found by andywedge)
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It’s over. Christmas we mean. The rats have dragged the turkey bones out from the top of your wheelie bin, gnawed them and scattered them across the garden. If you haven’t had the vomiting bug yet, you’re due to get it in the next 48 hours.

What to do? Shop of course! There’s bargains everywhere, whether it be from high street stalwarts who have gone into administration, those who are teetering nervily on the brink of it, or real shops who are doing okay thank you very much. Here’s our pick of the day, in conjunction with our good friends at HotUKDeals…

If you’ve got children, you’re probably completely sick of them by now. Ungrateful little wretches, you spend hundreds of quids on them for Christmas and what do they do? Moan at you because you can’t get the infernal packaging off their dolls quick enough, then spend most of the time playing imaginary schools on the stairs with their little mate from down the street while utilising absolutely NONE of the new gifts whatsoever.

I’m generalising of course. But, if they’ve got a few Christmas quids of their own to spend, donated by relatives too lazy to bother buying them a proper present, they might want to treat themselves to an exciting ready bed. Loads to choose from, all at £12.49. Find out more here.
(deal found by AnnaK)
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Bitterwallet has pondered long and hard as to what airlines would do in the face of tumbling exchange rates; less flights or more sales? Seems we have our answer; just as the high streets have taken to starting their sales before Christmas, so too have British Airways and Virgin Atlantic.

British Airways are offering economy returns from Heathrow to New York for £259 including all taxes, for flights between January and March.

Meanwhile, Virgin Atlantic are offering a similar price for an economy return - £258 - but with better dates available; flights can be booked between January and the end of June, and also for September. Perfect really, since anybody who’s spent July and August in New York will tell you it’s a disgusting experience amongst the humidity and grit of the city.

British Airways is also offering sale prices to worldwide destinations, while Virgin’s deals are only to the US at this time. No sale prices have been announced by the other major airlines yet, but it was January this year when Delta gave away return trips to new York for £150 return, so stay tuned.

Following on from yesterday’s deviation from the DOTD norm, here’s another heads-up about the pre/post sales that are kicking off all over the place.

There’s added info about some of the stuff that’s on offer. All details not strictly accurate. Info all courtesy of the HotUKDeals peeps.

Superdrug’s sale is online NOW with gear available for as little as 10p. Items available include smack, crack, uppers, downers, bennies, ludes, mind oysters, Diane Abbotts, Oxy-10 and Fishermen’s Friends.
(deal found by Charlie23)

Fashion retailer Firetrap have also gone into online sale mode – up to 50% off jackets, T-shirts, footwear, little dancing devils for your car dashboard, HRT therapy and bandages.
(deal found by timbotones24794)

Rejoice, for Matalan’s half-price sale is underway. Among the bargains are Christmas decorations, cards, clothes, Um Bongo, half bricks, semi quavers and quarter pounders.
(deal found by justlikeeeyore)

Finally, Marks & Spencer’s sale starts online tomorrow. Drag yourself away from opening presents and scoffing turkey and get online to snaffle up cheap iPods, TVs, radios, DIY skin graft kits, a hedge that looks like a woman’s area and the banned Pokemon doll, Lieutenant Nabisco. (deal found by stevenick)

As the deadline for gift-grabbing looms large, we’re turning our attentions towards some of the sales that have started over the past 24 hours. Some are online, some are instore, all are thanks to the members at HotUKDeals.

Here’s a round up of the best of them, along with a factual guide to what you might be able to expect to find in each sale. Spot the odd facts out.

Tesco have started their January sale at the fag end of December. Get along online or instore and fill your basket with CDs, DVDs, clothes, electricals, kennel shields, wasp repellent and an inside out child’s doll called Roy DuPont.
(deal found by meispete)

Highly-rated fashion emporium Republic have launched their sale with up to 75% off loads of things. These things include crisps, nuts, Bombay mix, twiglets and jumpers.
(deal found by chartwise)

Cryptically-named shoe chain Schuh are also slashing prices – here’s hoping they’re not actually slashing the shoes as well, eh readers? Among the bargains to be had are sandals, slip-ons, clogs, wellies, ice skates, crampons and bubble gum.
(deal found by Hyperdrive)

Prices have been melted on the Thorntons website – here’s hoping they’re not actually melting the sweets as well, eh readers? Among the bargains to be had are chocolates, chocolates, chocolates, chocolates, chocolates, spam, chocolates, chocolates and waterproof drainpipe paint (5 litre tins only)
(deal found by BigAde)

Instore at Sainsburys, there’s up to 50% off the gear in their Tu range. Swing by your nearest store and check out the discounts on nipple clamps, PVC underwear, peephole bras, crotchless thongs, Arab straps, rabbits and male socks.
(deal found by Squizz)

As regular readers are probably aware, we like to have a thread that links our Deals Of The Day, and today is no different – sex tourism!

Ta muchly to the bumping, grinding love machines at HotUKDeals who unearthed today’s sexy, sexy bargains.

If you want to get your end away in a foreign land on the cheap, you’re going to need a hot look. We’re predicting that free rugby trousers will be the things to be seen in from January 2009 onwards.

Now you can bag yourself a free pair of them (just pay postage) if you follow the link and before long you’ll be fully equipped to go on the pull. You can mix them with any other items of clothing. Trust us – the response you’ll get from the opposite sex won’t waver. The rugby trousers are the key.
(deal found by pib100)
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Rejoice, for it is Black Eye Friday. That spectacular day when idiotic once-a-year drinkers hit the pubs and bars, swilling down more ale in a five-hour period than they’d usually have in an entire season. The NHS is bracing itself for the deluge of broken bones, split lips and, as the name of the day suggests, big shiners on and about the eyes.

What a shame that it isn’t icy out there – it’d be carnage. I’m only jealous – recurring Man Flu has done me in good and proper. Our advice is to stay in where it’s warm and do some online shop browsing instead. Sod everyone else, treat yourself to these pre-Christmas gifts. Props to HotUKDeals, natch.

They say that The Wire is the greatest TV series ever made. Speaking as someone who plied his trade as a cop in Baltimore for four years earlier in the decade, I can admit that it’s scarily realistic.

No hang on, that’s actually some permanent psychological damage caused by watching the first four series back to back in the space of a week. Now you can screw up your own mind as well for less than £40. Seasons 1-4 for £9.99 each here. Do it. Or I’ll bust ya.
(deal found by holly100)
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Three more offers for you today that are so powerful, you could literally melt them down and make them into rocket fuel. Of course you couldn’t – that’s utter bollocks.

As ever, you wouldn’t know anything about them without the hard work and detective-like behaviour from the bargain-sleuths at HotUKDeals. They do it because they care. And so should you.

Kicking off, if you’ve got a Nintendo Wii, you’ve surely got Mario Kart to play on it. What? You haven’t? Your Wii doesn’t work properly then. You might as well lay it sideways and use it as a cheese board for all the good it’s doing in its Kartless state.

Follow the instructions here and a gleaming copy of the Wii’s greatest game can be yours for just £19.99. Trust us, you really, really have to do this.
(deal found by J9STL)
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Imagine, if you will, that you’re Guy Ritchie. Your next hit film, “It’s A Right Royal Cockney Barrel Of Monkeys” is in the can and is a surefire hit. Plus, you’ve sorted out your divorce deal with the wife and you’re copping a cool £50 million.

But what should you start spending it on? Guy, you genuine working class barrow boy geezer-made-good, get your wallet out and let HotUKDeals be your guide…

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Guy Ritchie? For us, it’s the words ‘complete tool’ – and lucky for him, he can spend a tiny fraction of his fresh fortune on a complete tool kit, available for just £15.67 plus delivery.

It’s got a vast array of implements that someone might need if they were going to say, make a lifelike rag doll model of their ex-wife on which to practice torture scenes to be incorporated into an upcoming movie. Cool!
(deal found by rizla01)
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Ahead of the upcoming festive season, when you can reasonably expect to commit at least five of the seven deadly sins on a daily (bi-hourly?) basis, why not take some time to improve your lifestyle before the gluttony, sloth etc begins?

Go on, just a little bit. With the help of the fine, upstanding citizens from HotUKDeals, we can make it happen. Right, get on the floor and give me twenty. Alright then, ten? Two? Aw, forget it…

To start with, your body is going to take a biblical kicking over the next fortnight with an increased intake of what we can best describe as ‘shite’, so treat it nice for a while and fill it up with delicious, healthy smoothies.

You can bag a top-notch Kenwood SB206 Smoothie Maker for just a tenner if you follow the link… so get on with it, pulp some fruit and tell yourself that you love yourself – even if it’s a blatant lie as there’ll be a heroic amount of chocolate following it down your gullet in the not-too-distant.
(deal found by millarcat)
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Anyone suffering from Christmas fatigue yet? We don’t blame you – there’s still ten days to go before Santa makes the trip down the chimney, removes the gas fire, comes in and deposits the gifts before retracing his steps, leaving everything as he found it. But it feels like it’s been Christmas every day for the past month.

Maybe you’re considering opting out of the whole festive fandango. If so, here’s a plan of action for you that won’t cost the earth – thanks to the savings-spotters at HotUKDeals.

If you want to turn your back on Christmas, you’ll need some solitude. Why not hire a van, pack a sleeping bag and some supplies and head for the hills? You can get a van for ten days for just £75 if you follow the link.

Let it become your home for the Christmas period. DO not pack any tinsel, turkey or selection boxes. You can do this – you don’t need Christmas. Be strong.
(deal found by ahenry)
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As we’re fairly sure you’re aware, Christmas is creeping up on us like a sickly, saccharine-flavoured crab wrapped in tinsel and waving a flag with a picture of a snowman roaring the word ‘SURRENDER!’ painted on it.

Truly, the festive season is as intoxicating as that first deep hit of crack in the morning but it’s not all Eggnog and deep joy – if you’ve got kids, there’s stuff to assemble and you’d better start… NOW, at least if you want it all ready on time. Thanks to HotUKDeals, here’s the ghost of Christmas future with the ingredients you’re gonna need…

First up, you need to understand that although the tasks that lie ahead of you might appear to be simple, you’re racing against the clock (cos let’s face it, you’re doing this stuff at 10pm on Christmas Eve aren’t you, you daft bugger?) And Sod’s Law dictates that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, so it’s going to be an all-nighter, and not the good kind either.

So you’re going to need lots of coffee to see you through to the long dark night of missing parts and cuss words. Better bring in a Philips Black Senseo Coffee Pod Machine with free pod and glasses – yours for just £23.18. Then relax – keep pumping coffee into your gob and you can get some kip in the early hours of Boxing Day morning.
(deal found by whizzkid)
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