DVDs, chocolate and a miracle exercise tool – all here to improve your life, save you cash and slightly confuse you if you use them all at once.

More of the same fear and confusion over at HotUKDeals…

You’re probably unaware of this but the Bitterwallet team are to a man the finest examples of bulked-up musclebound action factories that you could ever hope to meat. Throw a penny at our rippling chests and it’ll bounce away for half a mile before coming to rest.

The reason? The JML Iron Gym total upper body workout bar of course, now only £13.47. Your correspondent is even doing chin ups with it as he writes this although it’s equally at home assisting you with your pull-ups, push-ups and sit-ups. But no fry-ups.

You want to know how why ended up so trim and fantastic? We gave up scoffing Cadburys Creme Eggs. But that doesn’t mean you lot should – after all, there’s no scientific or medical evidence that suggests that being a fat bastard can do you any harm.

So, on to today’s latest Creme Egg offers. We’ve got the eggs themselves being flogged for as little as 20p each (just like 1989!) and a one litre tub of the Crème Egg ice cream for only £1.50. Happy heart attacks!

Finally, a gigantic DVD box set filled with bawdy comedy, and all for just £3.97! It’s the complete collection of Gimme Gimme Gimme! Yes! Remember it?

It stars Kathy Burke and that bloke from the police show that had Blackadder in it and there are a total of 554 minutes of action in the box set – you’ll never be far from a rib-tickler with this one! (We’ve never seen it to be honest, but £3.97? How bad can it be?)

(deals found by HUKD members millarcat, Pink-Cher, ironmike2012 and lucerysmum)

Gather round as we bring you a glittering array of discounted goodies again, everything from laptop computers to booze to sweets. Pretty much all that we hold dear here at Bitterwallet.

All of these and many more can be found over at HotUKDeals, but then you already knew that didn’t you?

Hoots mon! It’s St Patrick’s Day today, giving us even more of an excuse to either go out or stay in and pour Irish stout down our necks until we either pass out or our eyes start to bleed. It’s all about the craic and that innit?

The leading brand of St Patrick’s Day booze is of course Guinness but don’t forget the Murphy’s as well. In fact, if you’re looking to get as many as ten draught cans for as little as only £4.97, then Murphy’s is probably your only option.

The next major celebration with a strong consumerist slant is Easter of course, and here’s the latest on the egg wars that are raging in supermarkets around the land.

Right now you can get a six-pack of Cadburys Creme Eggs for a stunning £1.34 (about 22p per egg) – it’s a recipe for a sickly feast and if washed down with some of that Murphy’s, a potential life-changer. There’s also large eggs out there for £2.00 each and iddle tiddly ones for only 96p.

Finally today, a chance to snap up an Apple MacBook Pro for the relatively cheap price of £778.99. Add in some codes and Quidco and you could bring it down even further, to somewhere in the region of £755.

Be warned though – it’ll probably be outmoded as soon as you get it as Apple are rumoured to be updating their MacBook range in the not-too-distant future. But you wouldn’t be buying a MacBook solely because you wanted some kind of flashy status symbol would you…?

(deals found by HUKD members ianstanley, don’tdothatagain, awilko and adsldave)

Some days it’s unacceptably late, while yesterday it didn’t turn up at all. Today however, it’s early. It is of course, Deals Of The Day.

If you missed it yesterday, we trust you popped over to HotUKDeals and had a look for yourself.

We kick off with something that it would be nice to still be welded to this early in the day – a lovely mattress. But not just any old mattress, oh no, this is a Rest Assured Appalachian 1000 ortho mattress no less.

Looking at the picture of it, it looks as though kipping on its 100 individual luxurious pocket springs would be akin to grabbing some shut-eye inside a huge cream cake. And we’d definitely be up for some of that at just £104.99.

Next comes a game that has brought a new dimension to the Xbox 360 and PS3. Where Guitar Hero allowed you to become the bloke out of the Kaiser Chiefs or Jimi Hendrix within the confines of your own home, so DJ Hero allows you to become Judge Jules or Bruno Brookes.

And it’s DJ Hero that is on offer here – currently going for only £49.99 for the aforementioned consoles, which for all we know could be more than Bruno Brookes currently makes in a week. Doubt it though – class is permanent.

Finally if you were to buy some computer hardware at your local PC World, chances are they’d try and flog you a copy of Norton 2010 for all your anti-viral needs. Take them up on it at the moment and you’d be making a huge mistake.

You can get Norton 2010 along with six months of updates free with the May issue of Computer Shopper magazine – an outlay of only £4.99. There’s even a ‘3 issues for £1.00’ offer on if you’re into that type of thing.

(deals found by HUKD members bigguy20, mshtel and profet)

It’s True Or False Friday! We don’t need to explain how it works do we?

Good. We will explain where the bargains come from though. They come from HotUKDeals.

THE DEAL: A Samsung-YP-R1 16GB touchscreen mp3/mp4 player – only £59.99

TRUE OR FALSE?  Scientists are close to pioneering the mp33.3 – music, but slightly slower than it’s supposed to be.

THE DEAL: A £15 iTunes voucher for only £10.

TRUE OR FALSE?  Don’t pay for this with one of those new iTenners, as £15 will deducted from your account, rendering the whole thing pointless.

THE DEAL: A hotel-based wedding package for only £999

TRUE OR FALSE?  If the bride and groom can avoid getting into a blazing row at some point in the day, they get their money back.

(deals found by HUKD members orlando08, bazr and THRILLER-DEEJAY)

TRUE OR FALSE: All statements were FALSE!

It’s late, so we’re not going to bother with this bit at the start that you never actually read.

We’re still going to hook you up with HotUKDeals though…

Imagine a world where eight-legged rabbits frolic among fields of crops made from drinking straws and when the heavens opened it rained whisky. Then imagine that it’s the same world where you could get a Dell Vostro 430, Core i7-860 (quad core), 3Gb DDR3 RAM, 500GB HD, 512MB ATI Radeon HD 4350 computer/difference engine for just £438.45.

Well, say hello to that world! Apart from the drinking straws, eight-legged rabbits and whisky rain of course. We’re not on drugs!

Next is a highly-rated game for the Xbox 360 with the snappy title of Bioshock 2. We’re led to believe it’s one of the games of choice among the hooded teenagers and sharp-minded shut-ins who make up 98% of the gaming community.

Have you got Bioshock 2 yet? If not, why not? It can be yours for only £23.99 you know. And you can get some much needed cashback to spend on, for random’s sake, breath-freshening mints. Do it. Do it now.

Finally, a DVD. Not just any DVD, but an Oscar-winning one. And not just an Oscar-winning one from the past, like On Golden Pond or Driving Miss Daisy but one from the here and the now.

It’s Quintin Tarantonio’s Inglorius Bastods and it picked up the gong for Worst Spelled Title at the big Oscar party in LA’s Hollywood the other night. It’s only £5.99 at the moment although have been instore, in-the-flesh sightings of it for an even-cheaper £5.00. Cowabunga, as the Reservoir Dogs might have said…

(deals found by HUKD members salimsd, Adam2050, hairychad and jupe17)

Breakfast cereals, DIY stuff and washing machines. Domestic bliss at low, low prices. That’s the Bitterwallet pledge… for today at least.

Thanks for the bargains go as ever to HotUKDeals…

Perhaps we’re getting on in years, but Kellogg’s Krave cereal is a new one on us. We only looked forward once we’d eschewed Ricicles for the more adult flavour of Start back a couple of decades ago.

Anyway, no matter because you can gorge heartily on box after box of Krave at only £1.00 a go. We don’t know what’s in them but given the name, we’d assume there’ll be at least a small amount of methadone in there. Yum!

Right folks, the sun is here and we all think it’s spring now, even though it’s actually colder than a witch’s tit out there. Never mind, time to start thinking about indulging in some DIY at the weekend.

It’s a stupid idea, but thankfully Messrs B and Q are happy to indulge our folly and are knocking 20% off every spend of £50 or more. Soon, you yourself will be knocking your finger ends off with hammers and drilling through your own feet in a bid to prove that

Earlier today, we blathered on about the future of the washing machine – some ass-backwards hippy contraption that uses beads instead of good old fashioned soap and water. If you can’t hang around until 2011 for it to be launched, here’s an alternative.

It’s a Baumatic BA320W 7kg washing machine and is only £270.00, about half the price that it can be found elsewhere. Its name vaguely suggests Jack Bauer as well, which is a surefire guarantee that it’ll get the job done.

(deals found by HUKD members preep, Ayrcomm and andywedge)

We’re not sure we approve of such a crude concept, but this Sunday (14th) marks a whole month since Valentine’s Day, and has become recognised around the world as the slightly-more-male-skewed ‘Steak & BJ Day.’

We’re sure you’ll agree that it’s a terribly vulgar celebration, but if you’re a woman who is happy to go along with it in order to keep your man happy, HotUKDeals currently features a bargain on fresh Scottish beef sirloin steak, only £7.99 per kilo.

There’s also a special offer on Colgate Plax mouthwash – only £1.00 for 500ml. We’ll keep an eye out for bargain-price kneepads as the week goes on…

Plenty for you to drool over today at a wide range of price points – a telly, a Blu-ray player with a big bundle of free discs and a laugh-filled DVD for buttons.

Divert your praise away from us and in the direction of HotUKDeals – they’re the ones with all the moves…

We tried battering you all into submission with a TV/Blu-ray player one-two last week but in case you missed out on it or have suddenly acquired £800 from somewhere, here’s another one.

Basically, you’ve got your 50 inch Panasonic VIERA TX-P50S10B which is just £629.10 for TODAY ONLY with the help of a voucher and your Samsung BD-P1580 Blu-ray player that comes with ten Disney blu-ray discs – that’s just £154.95 delivered. What’s not to love about all of that?

Next today comes a big price drop for THE game of 2009 – Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Sure, it was available for a knockdown price when it was first launched but it’s hovered around the £40 mark ever since.

Now it’s down to £24.99 on both the PS3 and Xbox 360 and generating some mighty heat over at HotUKDeals. If you’ve held out from buying it until now, it’s hard to resist at such a low price.

Finally today, one of the most underrated British comedy series of recent years – The Armando Iannucci Shows. All eight episodes on DVD for the miniscule price of just £2.97.

In case you don’t know of Iannucci’s pedigree, he’s the man behind The Day Today, Knowing Me Knowing You, I’m Alan Partridge, The Thick Of It and In The Loop. Clip beliow – yes, he’s even better than Joe Pasquale!

(deals found by HUKD members gary_rip, Bass Monkey, goner_187 and spurious)

Morning then – today’s prestigious, heavily discounted items include a musical album by some cartoon characters, a cheap TV set and everything you’ll need to whisk your baby around in safety and comfort. Blinding.

As ever, it’s all courtesy of the fine, upstanding citizens who dwell over at HotUKDeals. Why not swing by and say hello when you’ve got a minute or two?

Another week brings another cheap TV deal and today’s is a plasma 42-incher fresh from the electronical empire of LG. Hold on to tight someone you trust – you could lose consciousness as we tell you that it can be had for the brain-swirlingly low price of only £399.00.

It’s the LG 42PQ3000, it’s HD-ready and usually goes for the pricier sum of about £600. All the tech spec stuff and the usual arguments about the capabilities of the human eye can be found over at HotUKDeals. No one ever mentions Steve Austin though do they?

Next comes one that is just as suited to our romper-suit wearing friends over at Playpennies but we’ll be damned if they’re keeping it under the bonnets and away from you lot. It’s for a ‘travel system’ – a pushchair, car seat, foot-muff, changing bag & raincover.

All you’ll need now is a baby, although there’s an argument that a little one would ruin the product, daubing it in vomit and cheese pasty crumbs, as kids are prone to do these days. Either way, it’s all yours for £109.00, down from a RRP of £230.00.

Finally today, a special offer on the brand new album by arguably the best cartoon band since The Archies – we’re talking of course about Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett’s side-project Damon & The Chipmunks.

Sorry, that should be Gorillaz. We went a bit daydreamy there after seeing a 3D Alvin & The Chipmunks double bill at the weekend. Magnificent – still not sure why there was no Oscar recognition. Anyway, you can get Plastic Beach, the new Gorillaz effort in the internationally-recognised mp3 format for just £3.99 for the whole of today. Below is the video for the album’s first single Stylo, featuring the internationally-recognised actor Bruno Willis.

(deals found by HUKD members semigod, silkenlady and Bristle Hound)

It’s Friday afternoon, and just when you thought you’d pretty much had enough for the wek, we’re going to hit you square between the peepers with some difficult-to-solve quiz-type questioning.

Marvel at the amazing bargains courtesy of HotUKDeals and gnash your mind at the true or false statements that accompany them. Do it.

THE DEAL:  A 120GB Xbox Elite console – only £148.94 delivered.

TRUE OR FALSE?  It’s called the Elite because if you press a hidden button on its undercarriage it will sprout legs and perform a little jig accompanied by The Shamen’s Ebeneezer Goode.

THE DEAL:  A 5kg bag of onions – for only £1.00.

TRUE OR FALSE?  The Falklands conflict of 1981 was actually caused by a breakdown in the onion trade agreement between Britain and Argentina.

THE DEAL: A bottle of Krug Grande Cuvee for just £49.98. Yes, as little as £49.98 (although it’s normally about £100)

TRUE OR FALSE?  Krug Grande Cuvee is best enjoyed when sucked off a piece of raw onion that has been dipped in it.

(deals found by HUKD members StevenA2000_UK, vtailor and AddictWeb)

TRUE OR FALSE: All statements are FALSE!!!

We’ll sort you right out today – good and proper. Like Danny Dyer but in a nice way. There’s a big new telly, some delightful films to watch on it and a game to play that you’ll only have to wait eight weeks or so for.

You can thank us if you like, but it’s HotUKDeals that deserves all the kudos really.

Here’s a couple of shiny new TV sets that might attract the attention of your magpie eyes – and they’re both racking up some major heat over at HUKD. First up comes a ginormous 50” Panasonic plasma 1080p for only £699 (although there are mumblings of Quidco and discount vouchers as well.)

Cheaper still is the Sony KDL-37W5710 37” (1080p 100Hz) LCD telly which is only £499.99. Sadly, if your dealbreaking question is ‘does it have an ice dispenser?’ the answer is ‘no, it isn’t a frigging fridge.’

Now that you’ve chosen your new telly, you’ll need something to watch on it. How about some Disney films on pin-sharp-picture Blu-ray discs from only £9.99?

Plenty to choose from including titles like Monsters Inc, Ratatouille, Cars, Wall-E and The Nightmare Before Christmas. No Song Of The South because IT IS A RACIST! Oh, and if you don’t have a Blu-ray player, you should get one. You owe it to your new TV.

But if films aren’t your thing and you’d prefer to play games on your magnificent new TV but are happy to wait until the end of April before you do it, and if you’d like a free exclusive T-shirt as well when the bloody thing finally bloody arrives, well here’s one that might tickle your danglers.

It’s a pre-order of Super Street Fighter IV on the PS3 and Xbox 360 and it’s only £21.86 with possible Quidco cashback on offer as well. So that’s you sorted then. No need to leave the house ever again.

(deals found by HUKD members scottm, cuthbert23, neilhukd and Spark)

What have we got for you lot today? Only cheap chocolate eggs, a red hot new mobile phone and a DVD from the year of yesterpast.

It’s all thanks to HotUKDeals. Thanks HotUKDeals!

The Easter egg wars are thundering on in supermarkets across the land, and although there are no reported casualties as yet, the fallout is soft, sticky and mostly brown (unless it’s a Milky Bar egg)

Right now, two of the toppermost supermarkets are slashing their prices in a bid to get you to join their Easter egg army – take your pick from eggs in mugs for £2.00 or the cheaper-but-not-staggeringly-cheaper eggs in mugs for £1.99.

Next comes a slightly pricier mobile phone offer – a pre-order of the forthcoming HTC Desire (Bravo) handset, which you can get, unlocked and SIM-free for £373.81. If you’re thinking about getting a Google Nexus One, this might be a better option.

If you’ve got no other reason for getting one, get one for its impressive-sounding 1 GHz Qualcomm Snapdragon processor. Oh, and its unprecedented 766hz spiderment capabilities. The latter of which we just, er, made up.

Finally, a trip down into Memory Quarry where we’re looking for a DVD that will remind some of you what life was like in the late 1970’s, when the late Michael Foot was still a vibrant politician and a bag of chips was 6p.

We’re talking about Grange Hill, and you can get series 1 & 2 (5 discs) and series 3 & 4 (6 discs) for a 1970s type of price – namely £9.99 apiece. Now where’s the reissue of Tucker’s Luck…?

(deals found by HUKD members hotmik, dhuggybear, the porter and lucerysmum)

Safety outdoor gear, animated comedy and a raft of groceries and other bits and/or bobs at knock-down prices – that’s the Deals Of The Day guarantee that’s so sincere it’s making our eyes bleed.

Get over to HotUKDeals for more of the same….

Winter still hasn’t abandoned us completely and if you’re planning on doing any extreme outdoor activities in the next few weeks (hiking, running, fell-walking, alfresco dogging) here’s some stuff you might need.

We’ve got a £1.00 emergency tent that is 8ft by 5ft and will accommodate the overly  tall as well as the overly fat. Then there’s a £1.00 twin pack of emergency blankets, designed to keep aforementioned tall, fat, stranded folk warm for a bit until help arrives. Currently only £1.00 each.

Next comes a long list of groceries and other sundries from a leading supermarket – a huge list of deals that will be available from tomorrow until 23^rd March.

There’s everything from pizzas to sausages to ice cream to cheese to moisturising lotion to porridge. Buy ten of the featured items, mix them up in your bath and send us a picture of it – you might win a prize (you won’t win a prize).

Finally today, a very splendid DVD box set that you can get for a penny less than a tenner. It’s a collection of Futurama specials for only £9.99, made after the show was cancelled and then brought back a bit before possibly being cancelled again. We’re not sure to be honest.

The box set includes the feature-length episodes Into Wild Green Yonder, Bender’s Game, Bender’s Big Score and The Beast With A Billion Backs. This just in – avid HotUKDeals member Royvedas describes them as ‘sub-par.’ Yes, THAT Royvedas. Harrumph…

(deals found by HUKD members FoX5, nicster08 and howeburn)

What a line up we’ve got for you today – hair care products, crisps and a state-of-the-art security device. Possibly the greatest array of bargains that we’ve ever thrown your way before.

All these and more at HotUKDeals…

If you’ve ever wondered why our Mof writes the fewest stories on Bitterwallet, it’s because he spends most of his time tending to his luxurious bouffant, daubing various powders and potions on it in an attempt to keep it in tip top condition.

He’s speechless beyond belief right now because he’s just found out that he can get three John Frieda and Frizz-Ease products for only £2.00. He’s just sitting there in a trance and we’re throwing paper aeroplanes directly into the heart of his hairdo.

People, there are crisps and there are crisps. And then there are Seabrooks. To us, they’re more than a crisp, they’re a friend, a confidant, a spiritual guide, in a range of delicious flavours.

Now you can get a six-pack of these wondrous snack treats in the aforementioned range of flavours for just 60p. Unless our maths have deserted us, that’s a delicious 10p per packet, untainted by the rank whiff of endorsement from Gary Lineker.

Finally, we’ve got a cast-iron security device that will fool even the sneakiest burglar, unless they’ve got a penchant for rifling through kitchen cupboards and eating all the beans as opposed to, say, taking a dump in the middle of the living room.

It’s a mock Heinz Baked Beans can that you can use to store small valuables, cash, keys, anything you like. Even beans, although that would probably defeat the object. One of these can be yours for only 99p, bringing you vague peace of mind.

(deals found by HUKD members surfbunny, ianshona and JasonMason)

As ever, Friday is pie day. It’s also True Or False time here at Deals Of The Day, where we try and twist your addled mind right off its hinge with a series of bargains and conundrummy statements for you to get to the bottom of.

The bargains come from HotUKDeals, and what’s definitely true is that there’s hundreds more where these came from…

THE DEAL:  An O2 Simplicity tariff – 300 minutes, unlimited texts and landline/O2 – O2 calls – only £1.67 after Quidco.

TRUE OR FALSE?  If you use your phone underwater, every minute is immediately tripled, meaning you could actually get 900 minutes with this deal.

THE DEAL:  One litre bottles of Bells whisky, Smirnoff vodka and Gordon’s gin – only £12 a bottle while stocks last.

TRUE OR FALSE?  In order to qualify for this offer, you have to buy four pairs of clogs at £14.99 each.

THE DEAL:  The Kodak ZX1 high definition pocket video camera. Was £149.99 – now £49.98

TRUE OR FALSE?  This can clearly film inside any pocket, from a suit jacket inside pocket to one on the outside of a pair of cargo pants. Upload your best efforts to PocketFootage.com and you could win a trouser voucher.

(deals found by HUKD members skgwho, mazola and wazzygib)

TRUE OR FALSE: All statements are FALSE!