Just a reminder that for a short while, we’ll be rewarding those of you who furnish us with the finest pictures of the feral shopping trolleys that you’ve spotted.

Snappers of the next five trolleys to be featured on our home page will win a copy of the highly-regarded The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification by Julian Montague, a book that some say is the first and last place to go if you want to see a load of abandoned shopping trolleys collected together in a book.

There’ll also be some Dolly Mixtures for the winner as well, solely because their name rhymes a bit with ‘trolley pictures’ – although we haven’t been out and bought them yet and aren’t entirely sure that you can still get them. Ah well.

Send your red-hot trolley shots to us at bitterwallet@gmail.com then sit back and see if you’ve got a prize coming to you. We’re waiting…

As you are probably aware, Bitterwallet’s main purpose is to show you pictures of feral trolleys in varying states of abandonment across the globe. For the most part, the pictures are sent in by you, our avid readers. Well now it’s time we gave something back.

In a flimsy attempt to increase our library of trolley pics and to see how many of you are prepared to go out in the cold in search of feral trolleys, we’re offering up a small prize for the best ones.

We’ve got five copies of The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification by Julian Montague, a tome that is widely regarded as the definitive work on its subject.

Send us your feral trolley pictures to bitterwallet@gmail.com and you could win a copy of the book, along with a bag of dolly mixtures. The suppliers of the next five pics that we feature on the site will nab these spectacular prizes. And yes, we’re aware it’s not as good as an iPad. Sorry.

Well did you? No, no you didn’t. A fortnight ago we launched the most greatest competition ever witnessed by man, the opportunity to acquire the best gizmo since sliced bread and shemale Realdolls. Yes, the iPad is on its way, and by crikey it’s what Jesus would have wanted.

You had a full week to enter and since last Wednesday’s closing date we’d forgotten all about it we’ve worked day and night to ensure a fair and honest method of determining the winner, and now we can reveal the fruits of our effort.

Congratulations to avid Bitterwallet reader Ash Ridley in Southampton – he’s won an iPad, for sure! Of course they don’t exist yet, so Ash is going to have to man up and wait for his prize, but he’ll be enjoying those sleek lines and that ten hour battery life (assuming he puts it in a corner and doesn’t touch it) soon enough. Well done, Ash!

Eight hours and counting, folks. Maybe you’ve been too busy playing in traffic. Maybe you’ve been Tony Blair. Whatever your excuse, you’ve less than 480 minutes remaining to enter our super-duper competition to win an Apple iPad!

- if you haven’t already, subscribe to our email alerts; you can do this by entering your email address in the top right hand corner of the page where it says ‘Subscribe To Email Alerts!’ and completing the registration process. This counts as one entry.

- using your powers of cognitive thought and imagination, complete the following quote in 12 words or less:

“I would lose my virginity all over again to Bitterwallet if I won an Apple tablet, because…”

Post your completed quote in the comments of the original announcement – you’ll find that here; we’re not judging them on grounds of content, so don’t take too long to compose it. Remember to include a valid email address in the appropriate field when you leave your comment – don’t worry, other readers can’t see it. This counts as one entry.

- If you’re on Twitter, tweet a link to this post (or simply retweet this one) and include the hashtag #bitterwallet. Don’t spam folk with multiple tweets as we’ll only be counting eligible accounts once. This counts as one entry.

Entry clsoes at 5pm today (Wednesday 3rd February), and you can enjoy further terms and conditions of that nature here.

Have you entered yet? No? You delicious fool, you. Don’t think leaving it until the last moment will help you. Bitterwallet are giving you three chances to win an iPad, so what are you waiting for? You only have until 5pm on Wednesday to enter, dontcha know.

The terms and conditions are in the original post here, otherwise read on to find out how you can win:

- if you haven’t already, subscribe to our email alerts; you can do this by entering your email address in the top right hand corner of the page where it say ‘Subscribe To Email Alerts!’ and completing the registration process. This counts as one entry.

- using your powers of cognitive thought and imagination, complete the following quote in 12 words or less:

“I would lose my virginity all over again to Bitterwallet if I won an Apple tablet, because…”

Post your completed quote in the comments of the original announcement – you’ll find that here; we’re not judging them on grounds of content, so don’t take too long to compose it. Remember to include a valid email address in the appropriate field when you leave your comment – don’t worry, other readers can’t see it. This counts as one entry.

- If you’re on Twitter, tweet a link to this post (or simply retweet this one) and include the hashtag #bitterwallet. Don’t spam folk with multiple tweets as we’ll only be counting eligible accounts once. This counts as one entry.

Sweet muscular Jesus, it’s true! There’s a new Apple product on the way later today and in our typically ramshackle fashion, without having a clue what Steve Jobs is going to announce, Bitterwallet is going to give it away to you – the avid reader of this mighty organ.

We’ll point you to some very specific terms and conditions below – essentially what we’re saying is, assuming it’s the mythical Apple Tablet that is unveiled shortly, then you can win an Apple Tablet from Bitterwallet! But how?

You need to do any or all of the following – there are three ways to enter, each counting as one entry:

- if you haven’t already, subscribe to our email alerts; you can do this by entering your email address in the top right hand corner of the page where it say ‘Subscribe To Email Alerts!’ and completing the registration process. This counts as one entry.

- using your powers of cognitive thought and imagination, complete the following quote in 12 words or less:

“I would lose my virginity all over again to Bitterwallet if I won an Apple tablet, because…”

Post your completed quote in the comments below; we’re not judging them on grounds of content (and if you win, you don’t have to hand over your virginity), so don’t take too long to compose it. Remember to include a valid email address in the appropriate field when you leave your comment – don’t worry, other readers can’t see it. This counts as one entry.

- If you’re on Twitter, tweet a link to this post (or simply retweet this one) and include the hashtag #bitterwallet. Don’t spam folk with multiple tweets as we’ll only be counting eligible accounts once. This counts as one entry.

You have until 5pm next Wednesday to enter, so off you go and best of luck! And fans of official small print – here you go, you beasts:

* The competition ends on Wednesday 3rd February 2010 at 5pm GMT
* Open to UK residents only
* One person per household may enter
* Only one entry per person for each of the three means of entry will be valid
* You must complete the email address verification to be eligible
* You must include a valid email address if commenting below
* The prize will be dispatched to the winner within fourteen working days of Bitterwallet receiving it from Apple
* Bitterwallet cannot determine nor guarantee delivery time of prize, nor its compatibility or available features in any given country
* the exact model and specification of the prize will be determined at after the closing date
* Bitterwallet’s decision regarding the winner is final and no correspondence will be entered into

Attention citizens! There’s a new gold-buying man jostling for position in the already-bulging gold-buying market… and he wants to give you money… for your gold. Better still… he’s a superhero!

Here’s GoldBuyerMan (hell of an original name) coming to the aid of the woman who used to work in the reception of the Travel Tavern where Alan Partridge used to live a few years ago.

We’re guessing that she was sacked following this outburst against Alan and has fallen on hard times, so much so that she has had to resort to selling off all of her broken and unwanted gold. Shame.

Luckily GoldBuyerMan has pitched up in his, erm, clapped-out old Ford, and is analysing her gold with his X-ray vision before giving her a price that we’re CERTAIN is fair and in keeping with the current market rate.

After all, he’s a superhero and not just another shady crook looking to make a few quid at the expense of those who have been royally fucked by the recession.

Thank you GoldBuyerMan! We love you GoldBuyerMan!

Look what we’ve got. It’s gorgeous. Barely a moment was spent fondling it, before this Nexus One was boxed up once more to be dispatched to avid Bitterwallet reader Jordan Hall in Whitby, the winner of our recent competition. Lucky, lucky bastard. Jordan – if there’s an accompanying note made up of newspaper print that threatens your life in any way, it’s nothing whatsoever to do with us:

First the good news. As you read this, an unlocked Nexus One handset is being propelled across oceans from Google HQ to the Bitterwallet offices, where it will shortly be used to view hardcore images of Lady Sonia forwarded on to our lucky winner! But out of the thousands of avid Bitterwallet readers who entered our competition, which of you has won this super duper superphone?

Well, therein lies the bad news. It’s not you. Probably. Unless you’re name is Jordan Hall and you live in Whitby. If that is you, hooray! Bring on the dancing girls and cigars! If it’s not you, then know this – our love and respect for you, dear reader, is unconditional and absolute. Jordan was the first name picked at random from the entries, and his first words were to ask if it was a scam. The rapscallion.

If you did enter, thanks for doing so – more cutting edge gadgetry / boxes of crapola to win soon.

Morning avid Bitterwallet readers. We’ll cut straight to the meat here. You have eight hours left to enter our indecently fine competition to win an unlocked Nexus One handset. After 5pm you’re out of time, but then you’ve had nearly a week to enter, you lazy sods.

There are three ways to enter, and you can enter all three ways. There’s still only one prize, mind – they cost a bleeding fortune. Here’s what you need to do:

- if you haven’t already, subscribe to our email alerts; you can do this by entering your email address in the top right hand corner of the page where it say ‘Subscribe To Email Alerts!’ and completing the registration process. This counts as one entry.

- using your powers of cognitive thought and imagination, complete the following quote in 12 words or less:

“Like Bitterwallet, a Nexus One would rock my world every moment I continue to draw breath because…”

Post your completed quote in the comments on the first post about the competition here; we’re not judging them on grounds of content, so don’t take time off work to compose it. Remember to include a valid email address in the appropriate field when you leave your comment – don’t worry, other readers can’t see it. This counts as one entry.

- If you’re on Twitter, tweet a link to this post (or simply retweet this one) and include the hashtag #bitterwallet. Don’t spam folk with multiple tweets as we’ll only be counting eligible accounts once. This counts as one entry.

There’s some small print to be aware of on the original competition post, but you don’t win anything for reading it – apart from our continuing gratitude, dear reader. Crack on then – the competition closes at 5pm tonight.

Morning chums. If your eyelids aren’t frozen shut and your fingers haven’t dropped off due to frostbite, then the good news is you still have three days left to win an unlocked Nexus One handset. There are three ways to enter, and you can enter all three ways. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

- if you haven’t already, subscribe to our email alerts; you can do this by entering your email address in the top right hand corner of the page where it say ‘Subscribe To Email Alerts!’ and completing the registration process. This counts as one entry.

- using your powers of cognitive thought and imagination, complete the following quote in 12 words or less:

“Like Bitterwallet, a Nexus One would rock my world every moment I continue to draw breath because…”

Post your completed quote in the comments on the first post about the competition here; we’re not judging them on grounds of content, so don’t take time off work to compose it. Remember to include a valid email address in the appropriate field when you leave your comment – don’t worry, other readers can’t see it. This counts as one entry.

- If you’re on Twitter, tweet a link to this post (or simply retweet this one) and include the hashtag #bitterwallet. Don’t spam folk with multiple tweets as we’ll only be counting eligible accounts once. This counts as one entry.

There’s nothing like some good old fashioned bandwagoning. The world is going horseshit crazy for the Nexus One handset from Google – and in a fit of desperate shallowness, so are we. So what if the lacklustre launch presentation appeared to take place in a boardroom near Surbiton? Who cares if most folk are only loving the Nexus One because it’s not the iPhone? Not us! It’s new, it’s shiny, and we’ve got one to give away.

Well, not yet we haven’t. But we’ve ordered one and it’s got YOUR name on it. Well, not yet it hasn’t. But you know what we mean.

Bitterwallet is giving you the chance to win an unlocked Nexus One handset - there are three ways to enter, and you can enter all three ways, you lucky blighters:

- if you haven’t already, subscribe to our email alerts; you can do this by entering your email address in the top right hand corner of the page where it say ‘Subscribe To Email Alerts!’ and completing the registration process. This counts as one entry.

- using your powers of cognitive thought and imagination, complete the following quote in 12 words or less:

“Like Bitterwallet, a Nexus One would rock my world every moment I continue to draw breath because…”

Post your completed quote in the comments below; we’re not judging them on grounds of content, so don’t take time off work to compose it. Remember to include a valid email address in the appropriate field when you leave your comment – don’t worry, other readers can’t see it. This counts as one entry.

- If you’re on Twitter, tweet a link to this post (or simply retweet this one) and include the hashtag #bitterwallet. Don’t spam folk with multiple tweets as we’ll only be counting eligible accounts once. This counts as one entry.

You have until 5pm next Monday to enter, so off you go and best of luck! And fans of official small print, your luck’s in:

• The competition ends on Monday 11th January 2010 at 5pm GMT
  
• Open to UK residents only
  
• One person per household may enter
• Only one entry per person for each of the three means of entry will be valid
  
• You must complete the email address verification to be eligible
  
• You must include a valid email address if commenting below
  
• The prize will be dispatched to the winner within fourteen working days of Bitterwallet receiving it from Google
  
• Bitterwallet’s decision regarding the winner is final and no correspondence will be entered into

Bloody hell, it’s getting crowded in the Bitterwallet office. Not only do we share our space with the Dealspwn team – a bunch of under-nourished moody teenagers with their arses hanging out their trousers – we’ve had to move the pool table to make room for PlayPennies – a new team blogging about the best deals for parents. We’ll be honest with you – they’re all good looking MILF who bring a sense of balance to the potty-mouthed antics of Bitterwallet team, and they’ll probably ensure the Dealspwn lot get fed properly.

Besides all that, they’ve just launched with a corking competition for you to win your choice of prize from Amazon worth up to £200. Best get your skates on though – you’ve only got until tomorrow to enter.

Despite their appalling behaviour at the Christmas party karaoke last week, credit where’s credit due – the Dealspwn team have a belting competition on the go right now, but you’ve only got two days left to enter. What could you win? Take a gander at this festoon of delights:

The games console of your choice could be yours (so long as it’s one of those pictured above – no clever twats asking for an Atari 2600, thanks) and it couldn’t be easier to win. You can enter up to three times – to find out how, head on over to the pixelated magnificence that is Dealspwn.

Bitterwallet celebrates its first birthday next week. Yes, it’s true – we’ve been plaguing the life out of some of you for almost twelve whole months. But we’re merely a gang of saplings when compared to the behemoth of a website from whence we doth sprang.

We’re babbling on, of course, about the mighty HotUKDeals, which is currently celebrating its fifth birthday and has just passed the 200,000 member mark. Yep, half a decade of deal anarchy and crowd-pleasing crowd-sourcing has gone on over there, and they’re commemorating the occasion with a mightily generous giveaway.

It’s the world’s first ever online scratch and sniff competition a scratch and win online scratchcard type game, with a grand total of £20,000 worth of Zavvi vouchers to be nabbed by the site’s members.

There are only a handful of vouchers left to be won, so get yourself over to the site now. But be warned, if you’re not a regular contributor to the HotUKDeals community, you can’t enter the competition. Quite bloody right as well.

Have any of you lot got lucky yet? If so, don’t be shy – tell us how much you’ve won and what you’ve spent it on. And if you’re a newcomer who isn’t able to enter, there are still scores of fresh bargains listed every day to help you save cash and fill your living quarters up with stuff you probably wouldn’t have bought if it wasn’t cheap.

Hooray for HotUKDeals!!!