A Japanese tyre company has decided that there’s too many tyre adverts that feature cars driving around mountains or doing skid-pan tests. They’re boring. So, how about some horror instead?
The sickos at Autoway think the best way to show off the ability of their tyres is to have the viewer scared witless, with the driver careering through the snow after a nasty apparition.
Have a look.
As you can see, the clip has a health warning, which translates to something like “this video is not for the faint of heart. Please refrain from viewing if you have any mental or physical health problems. You might have to see a doctor after watching this.”
Autoway add: “We shall not be liable for any injuries, illness, and damages claimed to be caused by watching the contents either.”
So, if you want a tyre that’ll get you out of a blood-curdling jam this Christmas, it seems Autoway is the only purchase you should be making.
Nike may or may not make the nicest football clobber, but they don’t half know how to make an advert. The company are responsible for the greatest football commercial ever (no, not the Brazil players in the airport; it’s this amazing film made by No Frills Geezer, Guy Ritchie) and they’re at it again with a spot starring Wayne Rooney and Rory McIlroy (and a special guest star at the end).
The action takes place on the fairway.
The advert is called ‘Nike Ordem Football: Straight Down the Middle’ and has the following description:
“Wayne Rooney surprises Rory McIlroy at the first tee by bringing out the new Nike Ordem Football. Inspired by golf ball design, the Nike Ordem ball has unrivaled flight control through aerodynamic grooves. Flight perfected.”
One of the best things about eating cheesy crisps is how it leaves your hand all yellow, looking like the nicotine stained hand of Jocky Wilson.
With that, there’s a Doritos advert where the problem of dirty fingers is solved in a slightly pervy way. Enjoy.
Harvey Nichols has kicked off their festive advertising campaign by showing us all off to be selfish berks. Their ad, titled “Sorry I Spent It on Myself”, features people buying crappy gifts for relatives because they were too busy loading themselves up with Christmas treats.
Of course, Harvey Nichols and #SpentItOnMyself started trending on Twitter. One in the eye for all those retailers who spent millions and millions on their commericals.
And you can buy the lousy presents at Harvey Nichols, designed by its ad agency Adam&eveDDB.
“At this time of year it can be all too easy to get caught up in the spirit of giving,” said Julia Bowe, marketing director at Harvey Nichols. “We hope that our new ‘Sorry, I Spent It On Myself’ Gift Collection will provide our customers with low-cost gifting options for others that will allow them to spoil themselves that little bit more this Christmas.”
Famous hits from the charts have been used, skewed and parodied for years, but the surviving members of The Beastie Boys have found themselves in a weird position after someone mucked around with one of their songs.
Mike D and Ad-Rock have written an open letter to a toy company called GoldieBlox who have, weirdly (and allegedly) sued the band after parodying their ’87 single ‘Girls’ in an advert.
See it here.
The Beasties said that GoldieBlox who decided to involve lawyers over the song after the band approached them to ask why they had not asked permission to use the song.
The open letter says: ”Like many of the millions of people who have seen your toy commercial “GoldieBlox, Rube Goldberg & the Beastie Boys,” we were very impressed by the creativity and the message behind your ad. We strongly support empowering young girls, breaking down gender stereotypes and igniting a passion for technology and engineering. As creative as it is, make no mistake, your video is an advertisement that is designed to sell a product, and long ago, we made a conscious decision not to permit our music and/or name to be used in product ads. When we tried to simply ask how and why our song “Girls” had been used in your ad without our permission, YOU sued US.”
You may remember that when founding member MCA died, he asked the band to avoid using their songs in commercials. Yet, here they are, getting sued because someone did a parody of them in an advert. This has to be one of the strangest motions in retail.
For those who don’t know the original track, here it is.
If you haven’t noticed, because you wisely avoid all comments on YouTube videos, the bottom half of YouTube has been flooded with spam, virus links, rude drawings and distasteful language.
On their Creators blog, the YouTube comments team insisted that the new system, which requires you to have a G+ account in order to post, thereby forcing their failing social network down people’s necks, had solved a lot of spamming problems. Sadly for them, they also had to admit that it “introduced new opportunities for abuse and shortly after the launch we saw some users taking advantage of them.”
As such, there have been some changes including “better recognition of bad links” and has made changes in an attempt to improve the detection of ASCII art (as seen above). They have also had the problem of users posting very lengthy comments (some jokers posted entire Shakespeare plays in the comments).
“We’re moving forward with more improvements to help you manage comments on your videos better,” YouTube said, promising new tools for bulk moderation of comments, which it admitted was a “long-standing creator request”.
What won’t be happening, sadly, is a return to the old system (over 200,000 people have signed a petition to asking YouTube to remove the G+ requirement). There’s trouble for YouTube and Google, as a number of YouTube’s bigger stars have disabled comments on their videos because of this new system, which means advertisers might pull out.
Samsung have a new ad promoting their S Pen, and one billboard – apparently put up in France – has raised a few eyebrows.
Samsung changed the old adage “The pen is mightier than the sword” to “The pen is mightier than the finger.” However, in what is either a glorious error or a bit of nifty photoshopping by some prankster, we end up with a rather different message.
Nike have made some snowboarding boots that have a LED version of their swoosh on the side, a bit like those LA Gear that lit up way back when.
Nike say: “Impressive enough standing still, these LED-adorned beauties will mesmerize crowds as they rotate through the night sky at this season’s biggest snowboard competition finals. The swoosh’s 30 LEDs are powered by an embedded lithium ion battery, and it’s on/off switch is conveniently located atop the boot’s cuff so you can go UFO whenever the mood strikes.”
Are you one of those outrageous show-offs who would actually wear a pair of these or would you see someone in them and pour pints on their feet in the hope the owner gets small electric shocks up their legs?
Volvo have decided to put out an advert starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. Of course, vaguely depressing, half-tragic figures from the 80s are making decent money through adverts at the moment, thanks to appalling cod-nostalgia and irony. Kevin Bacon has been on the box looking pristinely haggard, while Mr T likes Snickers.
JCVD has been promoting awful American beers thus far, but now, he’s showing off Volvo’s Dynamic Steering System with his legs.
Impressively, this stunt is real and a Volvo rep confirmed that the shot was done in just one take.
If you want to peer behind the curtain, Van Damme was protected by safety lines not visible in the final video and small platforms on the trucks’ mirrors helped prop his feet up. Other than that, what you see is a man doing the splits on two moving vehicles, for real.
Of course, Volvo could’ve gone with some cool, young ninja or something, and went for someone who hasn’t been cool for over 20 years, making them look a bit duddery. Either way, the end result is pretty badass.
This commercial for GLYDE condoms kicks off with a camera, seductively inspecting a woman in her posh underwear. She starts to talk about the best ways to pleasure a woman in the soft lighting.
She says: “There are a million ways to pleasure a woman. You can use your hands. Your mouth. Even toys.” She’s got a surprise though.
Apparently, GLYDE’s condoms are the world’s only ethical, Vegan and Fair Trade condom which have never been tested on animals and they’ve been certified by the Vegan Society. Great news for hippies and no-one else.
Like it or not, e-cigs are the latest thing in smoking, with people puffing away on robot shishas and confusing nightclub bouncers everywhere. As such, we’re going to be seeing more and more adverts for them and a new one knocking about is so cringeworthy that you might end up with broken ankles from curling your toes too much.
VIP vapes have hired a woman to get your pulse racing, saying “I want to feel it” and “put it in my mouth” and the whole thing is beyond lousy. Mercifully, most people who have been on the smokes for a while can’t maintain arousal without passing out as it is, so there’s no danger there.
No-one really likes Microsoft anymore, so they’ve been looking at ways of making themselves more attractive. So, they’ve come up wth Inori Aizawa, who is the personification of Internet Explorer.
Looks like Microsoft have been watching Sailor Moon, so they got studio CACANi to make a character for them and here we are, a doe-eyed girl in a super short skirt. Of course, Inori’s costume has a load of Microsoft and Internet Explorer logos hidden in it.
And on Inori’s Facebook page, she alludes to her being IE in a rather cackhanded way, saying: “When I was younger, I used to be a clumsy, slow and awkward girl. However, just like the story of ugly duckling, people told me that I have really matured and changed over the years. I feel confident in my abilities now, and I’m eager to show you what I can do.”
“Why don’t you get to know me a little better?”
If you want to see a video of Inori, fighting and sat at home with a Microsoft tablet and all that, look here. See? Isn’t searching for pointless crap online really sexy and thrilling all of a sudden?
John Lewis have been throwing their money around on Christmas adverts for a while now in a bid to try and shoehorn the feeling of event TV on us (like Guinness adverts or people gurgling that it isn’t Christmas ’til you’ve seen the red Coca Cola lorry on telly).
This year, they’ve gone animated, with a commercial so saccharine that after one viewing, all your teeth with turn brown and dissolve out of your mouth like curry paste.
As you can see, a rabbit makes friends with a bear and they buy each other presents. There’s owls and foxes too because no advertiser will ever forget about the hipster pound.
In the director’s cut of the advert, the bear attacks all the other animals before having sex with their cadavers and then answers the question: “Do bears crap in the woods?”
Merry bastard Christmas.
Remember Tatu? They burst into the pop world as lesbian Russians throwing out apocalyptic pop music and then… well… they kinda vanished and went back to Russia to make increasingly nudey pop videos.
Well, now they’re back and they’ve done a Snickers commercial in Japan, donning their school uniforms and… to be honest, nothing makes sense about this advert.
But the slide tackle is hilariously sore looking.
It seems that the next generation of borrowers are being wooed with adverts on children’s TV channels (although, you’d have to assume that they’re actually targeting the parents at home with them) and he’s said that one in three people with kids under 10 years-old say their children can already repeat payday loan company slogans from commericals.
According to his figures, nearly 15% reckon their children are urging them to get a payday loan when they refuse to buy them something. As such, Lewis thinks payday loan ads should be banned from children’s TV channels and that they shouldn’t look fun and cuddly ”rather than a hardcore form of debt”.
In a statement, he said: “Where adverts are permitted, they need to include a string of wealth warnings to ensure the fun is taken away. Payday loans are part of the costliest kind of instant gratification culture. Now these lenders are essentially grooming children to be the next generation of borrowers.”
“The current explosion in the number of people borrowing in this way is nothing compared to how the next generation will act. Payday lenders are now so profitable, they have huge advertising and film budgets which bring in more customers, making even more profit. That’s why we need legislation or regulation to disrupt this market.”