If you’ve got a Kit Kat in your hand, you might want to finish it before you watch this ad from Greenpeace, calling out Nestle over their use of cheap palm oil in the making of said chocolatey biscuity treatsnack.

You see, the palm oil is harvested by bad men who chop down the rainforests, which in turn leaves nowhere for orang-utans to sit and fling chunks of their own shit at each other (or whatever it is they do all day).

Naturally, in order to highlight this fact, Greenpeace have cobbled together this GRUESOME spoof Kit Kat ad where a man eats an orang-utan’s finger instead. Looks like it might taste a bit like pork to us.

It’s a bit of a puzzler. On one hand, we really love Kit Kats here at Bitterwallet, and on the other hand, we don’t personally know any orang-utans. So we’re going to have to sit on the fence on this one.

Hang on, we’ve changed our minds. We’re all about Team Kit Kat. Sorry monkeys.

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) have banned the shit out of a commercial for Tombola bingo.

The ad features a black man repeating everything a white man says in song while playing a ukulele. The ASA have ruled that the commercial breached the advertising code on using harmful or negative stereotypes. Watch the ad below… it is a bit ‘yes masser‘.

The ASA looked at the relationship between the two characters and felt it “was defined as the power of the white man over the black man”, because of the difference in their dress and the way the black man was portrayed as less intelligent in that he repeated everything the white man said, even “Thank you, Tito”.

Tombola Bingo, an online business which also sponsors ITV1 soap ‘Emmerdale’, said it did not intend to use the ad again. Of course, thanks to the wonder of the internet, we can watch it over and over until we get indigestion.

[BrandRepublic]

It might be a men’s fragrance with a less-than-cool image here in the UK, but over the United States of A, the good folk at Old Spice have got punters rolling in the aisles of their homes with their mantastic series of adverts.

There’s no subtlety here, no reading between the lines – if you don’t wear Old Spice, you’re not a real man, you’ll always come second, your breath almost certainly stinks and you’ve probably got a dodgy ankle as well. You tit.

The message is that you need to get yourself some new Old Spice Matterhorn – a mountain of freshness that will sprout out from your armpit and lead you down the road marked ‘success.’

In fact, the blurb from Old Spice themselves explains it perfectly – they say: “This commercial explores many important themes in a mans life, including freshness, exotic travels, successorizing, long-haired blonde ladies, snow preparedness and buying things.”

The modern relationship is an unusual beast. Sometimes your significant other will get right on your wick to the extent that you’d like to be able to fold them up and put them in a cupboard as if they were an old sock.

Who knows – if you’re one of those people who spends all of their days trolling assorted websites on the internationally-recognised Internet, maybe your significant other IS an old sock. Boom, and indeed, tish.

This Norwegian recycling ad shows you just how easy it can be to fold up an annoying partner but it’s cardboard cartons that we’re being taught to fold and recycle rather than old socks. Still, socks, boxes, any port in a storm, eh fellas?

Wash & Go commercials have long been a source of parody… and now, the bonce product is celebrating 21 years with Jimmy Bullard’s wavy locks and slightly cherubist face (you’ve seen ‘Mask’ with Cher right?). Anyway, Jimmy was apparently chosen for the campaign because of his “comedic potential”. That’s just a kind way of saying he’s a bit ugly.

Of course, all footballers are preening idiots… but so our Jim. No, if you want to see what he normally gets up to in the changing rooms (don’t worry, this is not some link to a poor lass from the pie-stand getting ‘roasted’), then click this link.

Football’s a funny old game although it’s no laughing matter when thousands of supporters stream out of the stadium a few minutes before the final whistle, in order to ‘beat the traffic’ (they’re actually ‘creating the traffic’ but never mind.)

This correspondent’s team of choice, Sunderland, suffers as much as any other from this perverted practice. Yesterday, with time running out at the Stadium Of Light and Sunderland clinging on to a 1-0 lead over Manchester City, masses of ‘supporters’ decided that the best way to help the team over get the finishing line with the win intact would be to slowly fuck off out of it.

Off they went, trudging down the staircases and towards the exits with seconds remaining of what would have been a crucial victory against The World’s Richest Club. Of course, City fashioned an equaliser (that most of these weirdos would have missed) and the party was spoiled.

As you can see in the ad below, the Boston Bruins ice hockey team have a system in place to deal with people who leave early. We think it works and would like to see it adopted in sporting events around the world. Starting in Sunderland.

A film trailer is an advert isn’t it? Of course it is, so it’ll be a film trailer that we highlight in today’s Commercial Break.

It’s for Four Lions, the long-awaited Chris Morris Jihad comedy which includes scenes of taping a bomb on a crow and grown men plotting to blow up the Internet.

It’s only just appeared online in the past hour or so, so we haven’t been able to embed it into Bitterwallet. Click the picture below to see it.

Then, under that, you can watch the jaw-dropping new Lady Gaga and Beyonce video. That’s got some brief but noticeable Virgin Mobile product placement in it, which we think also makes it valid for Commercial Break.

Look, it’s Friday, relax eh?

Walkers like to make a song and dance about their ad campaigns so it’s baffling as to why this new one, launched last night, has been born dead from the neck up.

They’ve taken the spurious idea that their crisps “can make any sandwich that little bit more exciting” a claim that they’ll never get to stand up in court if common sense has got anything to do with it, and tried to demonstrate it by hot-footing it off to… the town Sandwich in Kent! With celebrities!

That’s because celebrities make any situation crackle and fizz more than ordinary folk don’t they? Even if they’re a bunch of charisma-free grunts like Jenson Button, Frank Lampard, Marco Pierre White and Pamela Anderson. Nice, at least two of them have starred in home-made sex tapes so that should get things going. Oh, and there’s JLS, who don’t count as real celebs because they were on The X Factor.

As usual, they’re all led by Walkers’ regular harbinger of doom, Gary Lineker, the man whose lack of personality has helped make BBC1’s weekly Premier League post mortem less exciting than an actual post mortem.

Look at the barely-disguised disgust on Marco Pierre White’s mush as he gamely tries to go along with the premise that a bag of Walkers crisps will jazz up any sandwich he could cobble together (although crucially, he never actually makes the claim himself.)

A spokesbod for the snack behemoths growled: “The new Walkers ad is all about taking the ordinary and making it extraordinary.” So there you are people of Sandwich, you’re ordinary, okay? The only reason these snack fascists have descended on your bog-standard town is because some inspiration-free ad excec had a piss-weak idea about jazzing up a sandwich with a bag of crisps.

And they dare to wheel Lineker in to ring-lead the razzmatazz? Gah!

For Japanese kids who want to pass their high school or university entrance exams, ‘juku’ or ‘cram schools’ are increasingly popular. As the name suggests, they’re educational establishments where students can get some intensive tuition in a short period of time, allowing them to get through those tricky exams.

So if you were the proprietor of such a Japanese ‘cram school’, what might be the best way to advertise your services? Lots of noise and confusion? People dressed as aliens and planets? Plenty of shouty repetition?

Yep – that should get the teenagers pouring through the cram school gates…

Here’s Paul Daniels, his career already in a tailspin that’s only slightly more dramatic than that of Liverpool FC this season, done up like a helium-fuelled goblin and plugging the services of cash-for-mobile company Mazuma.

Assisted as ever by The Lovely Debbie McGee, Daniels hams his way through a script that drops in the magical amount of £150 even though that’s the toppermost amount you’ll receive from trading your phone in with Mazuma. You can speculate among yourselves as to what type of handset you’d need to bung into the bag in order to nab yourself that much cash.

We hope Paul and Debbie got more than £150 for their efforts here as their old Saturday night shows were by no means worse than the shite gameshows BBC1 churn out in an attempt to make the Lotto draw seem like more than some coloured balls falling out of a piece of a transparent piece of hospital equipment.

We’re off to Japan again for today’s ad, and to be honest, our headline tells you all that you need to know about this one.

Here in Britain, we’re still stuck with the Halifax and their Bastard FM radio station. In Japan, they’re knocking out hair-clapping ads as a matter of course. Ah well…

As seen in the United States of A during last night’s Oscars binge. Launch date across the pond confirmed as April 3rd. Does it make you want one then? Does it??

We’re an adventurous bunch here and there’s few places that we wouldn’t like to visit. Burnley is one of them, and the International House Of Pancakes in 1969 is pretty much the only other.

Especially if it was exactly as depicted in this freaky-deaky ad that has been unearthed and plastered all over the internationally-renowned Internet service over the past couple of days.

The visuals are bad enough, with a family slowly barrelling their way across a field towards their nearest IHOP, armed with fistfuls of brightly-coloured balloons. But the soundtrack…

Oh the soundtrack! It’s like ZX Spectrum-era Aphex Twin with Alvin Chipmunk on vocals – if there’s an aural equivalent of the strobe lighting that kicks off epileptic seizures, this must surely be it.

Tell you what though – it’s got us Jonesin’ for pancakes here in our hermetically-sealed underground HQ…

Kleenex. Good for blowing your nose on when you’ve got a cold and also for mopping up fresh sputum after you’ve debased your own stomach after a particularly frenzied onanistic session. So what’s the best way to sell your tissues?

Well, if you’re in Japan, then the best way to herald your product is by having the creepy vocal from the ’90s one-hit wonder Opus III eerily cooing over a woman with floating nose-swabs whilst she stares at a demonic baby with bright red skin, green hair and a unicorn tusk protruding from his soft little skull.

Fucking terrifying.

We imagine that one of the reasons you tootled your internet machine over to this site is because you’re more than a little partial to a bargain. Now imagine how good you’d feel if you had William bloody Shatner on your side whenever it came to striking a deal.

That’s his role in this new US ad for Priceline – although he doesn’t do himself any favours by cutting a Shatner-shaped hole in the side of some bloke’s house before chipping in with some cash-saving advice.

But, the Star Trek legend does defeat his own evil twin (replete with evil beard) in the process. It all ends with the bemused punter getting 50% off the price of a hotel room and the rest of us getting an insight into how the internal dialogue that is permanently going on inside William Shatner’s mind might sound…