With Apple announcing some new things today (everything you need to know about that is here), Ikea are on-hand to gently troll them.
A man with greasy hair appears in the video, showcasing the newest, sleekest gadget on the block – Ikea’s ‘BookBook’. Tactile, no lag and all manner of things are crowed about.
Have a looklook.
This Ikea catalogue advert is a play on the way Apple do their adverts, complete with twinkling aspirational music, lots of tediously clean rooms and a bloke gawping at you like a born again Christian.
“The 2015 Ikea catalogue comes fully charged, and the battery is eternal,” says an exec named Jörgen Eghammer, also known as Chief Design Guru. “The navigation is based on tactile touch technology that you can actually feel.”
There’s been a lot of Apple parodies, but Ikea get a pat on the back for this one.
Orange one-time hitmaker Peter Andre is the new face of Iceland.
In a new advert for the frozen treat-based chain, he wanders around a branch picking out bargains and losing his shit to 89p pizzas, slightly oblivious to his clearly giddy fans who come up to him.
It’s the ITV2 constant’s first advert for the chain, following in the footsteps of Stacey Solomon and Kerry Katona. Oddly, for Andre, he doesn’t start blubbing like a big baby at any point.
Marks & Spencer have launched a new TV advertising campaign for its food.
The ‘Adventures in Imagination’ (which, if it involved the Body Talk hitmakers, would be even more amazing) slightly harks back to their soft-porny ‘Not Just Any…’ series of ads, with erotic cutting and gooey centres oozing just so.
M&S has said that the ad is to “tease the nation’s increasingly discerning taste buds” and highlights the most in-demand food trends featured in the retailer’s autumn 2014 range, such as lush looking patisserie loveliness, top quality cuts, runny Scotch eggs and showcases the Kouign-amann, a traditional Breton cake that is a cross between a croissant and a brioche.
It’s also a rare opportunity to hear that most-streamed-song-of-the-year Clean Bandit number.
The unnecessarily lengthily titled M&S executive director of marketing and international Patrick Bousquet-Chavanne said: “Over the last decade, consumers’ culinary tastes have become more adventurous and Britain’s love affair with food has really ignited.”
“Our new campaign reflects this shift and uses a different language to the price-focused supermarkets. It brings to life the hundreds of new ideas we have in our food halls every month by showcasing the sensual and surprising aspects of food – like its textures and movement – in a modern, stylish and precision format.”
‘A different language’ – nice bit of shade there.
Google want to give advertising a shot in the arm because, frankly, there isn’t enough advertising revenue in the world that could sate Google’s appetite.
And so, they have allowed YouTube to buy out Directr, which is a video-editing start-up. Basically, Directr is a mobile app that helps small businesses create marketing videos and adverts.
It is currently a paid-app, but Google have vowed that it’ll be free once Directr has been engulfed by YouTube. There’s a video about it all too, which you can see below. Yes. Of course it is a tweefest.
On its blog, Directr says: “For now, everything you love about Directr is staying the same and we’ll continue to focus on helping businesses create great video quickly and easily. One immediate bonus: Directr will soon be all free, all the time. Thanks, YouTube!”
Does this mean we’re going to get a load of badly-shot pre-rolled adverts over everything now, with some carpet salesman yelling at you from behind a Super 8 filter?
If so, Mischa Barton would like to meet you (probably, she’s just in the campaign overdoing it with the long gloves mainly, her intellectual input is largely negligible on this occasion).
Vapestick are launching a campaign to find a ‘Style Icon’, to find the new face of the vape in future advertising.
Entrants have to strike their best Vapestick pose to be in with a chance of winning.
As well as being the face of Vapestick, the winner will be treated to the ultimate VIP experience, with a stay in a top London hotel, a shopping spree and model treatment ahead of their once-in-a-lifetime Style Icon photoshoot.
The Style Icons Tour is taking place at various events around the UK, which you can find here
Yes, you too could look as dead-eyed and unalluring as Mischa in what is a rather embarrassing advertising campaign while puffing on what looks like a jumbo biro!
Have you seen the Morrisons TV commercial which shows a kid saying she’s done well in school and then her mum makes her a burger and she knocks the salad off? That’s what kids do right? Oh, children! WHAT ARE THEY LIKE?!
Of course, the advert wasn’t particularly good, but it was completely harmless right? WRONG. The Advertising Standards Authority have banned it because they think it promotes bad eating habits to children.
Watch the advert below. If you have any children in the vicinity, be sure to avert their eyes or they’ll start mainlining bricks of lard.
The Advertising Standards Authority received 11 complaints (presumably from other advertising agencies or people who are so health conscious that they’re borderline pervy) and the ASA upheld the gripes, saying that the girl in the ad was so keen to eat the burger on its own that she immediately removed the salad. The ASA added that the she discarded the salad in a “careless manner”, suggesting she had no intention of eating it later.
“Because we considered the ad placed an emphasis on the burger being the preferable option to the salad, we concluded it condoned poor nutritional habits or an unhealthy lifestyle, especially in children, and that it disparaged good dietary practice,” ruled the ASA. “The ad must not be broadcast again in its current form.”
Jesus H. Christ.
Hoping to get a slice of that ‘affordable treat-sized products’ market, the company have announced the 23g Galaxy Little Treat.
It should retail around 35p as opposed to 60p – for the standard 42g Galaxy.
Mars said consumers were all about the value for money these days, and the Galaxy Little Treat will fill a gap in the market for tiny ineffectual sizes of chocolate.
They’re spending £11 million on this launch with ads and posters nationwide, so obviously quite keen for it go down well. Freddo is said to be having nightmares about the whole thing.
Mars’ retail excellence director Tony Lorman said of the Little Treat “extends the range of one of our best-loved brands and gives consumers more choice for an affordable self-indulgence” which makes it all sound slightly unsavoury.
However Bitterwallet remain firm on the joys of a finger of Fudge, which at 20p, still out-snips Galaxy’s so-called Little Treat.
We’re not sure on Chomps though.
Road safety adverts and videos about speeding are often treading the fine line of taste and trying hit the viewer hard with a message that will last.
This week, the Northern Ireland Department of the Environment showed off their video to encourage drivers to slow down with perhaps the most shocking awareness video yet.
The message is incredibly clear – the equivalent of a classroom full of children have been killed in speeding accidents since 2000.
You can watch the video below, but be warned, it does contain graphic content and may distress some of you. Seriously. This is so grim that it would absolutely be the depressing clip shown amongst the laughs on Tarrant on TV.
Mark Durkan, Northern Ireland’s Minister for Road Safety, said: “The aim of this campaign is to challenge and dispel, once and for all, through this emotional and uncomfortable message, the false perceptions that many road users have as to the truly horrifying consequences of speeding.”
Does the advert go too far? Do you think it is perfect to show the gravity of the situation? Are you jaded by countless horror films and hoped for more blood and limbs swinging from trees?
Get stuck in the comments and let us know.
The four video ads on Jaguar’s website showed a car razzing through a tunnel and crossing over the single white lines in the middle of a road, before driving across a mountain road at night. That’s not advisable in terms of the Highway Code, but c’mon! It is meant to be fantasy, right?
Another clip showed a car driving at high speed, while voice-overs said: “The adaptive dynamics technology reacts 20 times faster than the human eye. It delivers a smooth drive by continuously analysing speed, steering and body movement of the car 500 times a second, giving every journey an instinctive, stable and agile ride.”
The adverts ended with the Jaguar logo alongside text reading: “Jaguar. How alive are you?” to the sound of an engine being revved to oblivion.
One stupid viewer complained that the ads were irresponsible because they “glorified speed and encouraged dangerous driving”.
Just like Shreddies adverts encourage Nestle to force grandmothers to work in cereal knitting sweatshops when they should be enjoying their retirement.
Jaguar said that their videos were shot on the open highway in Switzerland on closed sections of road on the Susten Pass and the Grimsel Pass. Their caption didn’t make this clear, but really, the fact it was an advert should’ve been clue enough.
The company said the adverts’ were there to emphasise the technical features and abilities of the cars and the clips where we saw cars crossing lanes were there to highlight the lightweight construction for cornering stability and safety. They added that these adverts “at no time demonstrated any dangerous driving”, and there was no indication that speed limits were being broken.
The ASA disagreed, saying that the impression they got was Jaguar were focusing on speed and acceleration, rather than safety because of all the high tempo music and revving engines. They also noted that the cars were driving in a manner that would be “irresponsible and illegal” on a public road in the UK.
The ASA said: “We considered that the cars were being handled in a dangerous manner that might encourage motorists to drive irresponsibly. Because we considered that speed was the main message of the ads and the ads portrayed the cars being driven in a dangerous manner, we concluded the ads were irresponsible and condoned dangerous driving.”
They ruled that Jaguar mustn’t show these ads again and that they shouldn’t “portray speed as the focus of an ad in future… and not to portray driving behaviour that might encourage motorists to drive irresponsibly in future”.
Jesus Christ Almighty.
Oh, ha ha! Hooters, owl and boob-based establishment have done a video where they don’t understand what football is because, get this, THEY’RE AMERICAN!
They don’t understand football so much that they mistake it for other words, despite having something else called ‘football’. They’re so flummoxed that they hired A PROFESSIONAL GOLFER to look confused about it all too.
Oh Hooters. We’ve all sincerely soiled ourselves over this one. Great acting too.
Hopefully, Hooters don’t understand dry sarcasm as well as association football.
There’s been a lot of useful (and less useful) chat about safety for cyclists on the roads of the UK. Of course, 99% of these conversations end up with cyclists shouting at drivers about nearly being killed, and motorists yelling about bikes running red lights and the like.
We assume that drivers don’t want to kill or maim people on bikes, so collectively, more needs to be done to get cyclists noticed.
With that, the AA have a small campaign called ‘Think Bikes!’, which you can see here if you’re interested.
If you can’t be bothered with all that reading, you can watch the AA’s latest video, which features a man riding a pushbike with his arse out, riding through London.
Have a look.
Morrisons aren’t doing very well on the high street, but they’re determined to turn things around. They will be opening new stores around Britain – that’s how confident they are.
They’re also pushing out a new advertising campaign under the ‘I’m Cheaper’ name, which is rather direct. And not entirely true if you look at their budget competitors.
They’re pretty confident these new ads will stop the rot which saw like-for-like sales in the quarter to 4 May slumping by 7.1%. How are they planning to win you all over? With scones.
The stillness and winking going on in the new Morrisons adverts remind you of anything? All those Aldi averts? They’ll be having nanas on the gin next.
Either way, the supermarket will be cutting the price of 1,200 products by an average of 17% as part of their £300m investment to win everyone over.
As well as the two new supermarkets and 11 convenience stores, they’re also going to beef up online sales and see if that works. What do you think? Still more likely to shop elsewhere regardless?
So far, so typical.
However, what Apple seem to have missed is the message in the song they chose. They have these hipsters singing ‘Gigantic’ by The Pixies.
And that just happens to be a song about large black penises. Or, it’s a song about some people having sex while another watches. Either way, you have to assume Apple are too dumb to have checked out anything like that.
“The lyrics go like this: Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic… a big big love… lovely legs they are… what a big black mess… what a hunk of love… walk her every day into a shady place… he’s like the dark, but I’d want him”
Pixies bass player Kim Deal, who sings the track and co-wrote it with Frank Black, has said that the song is a bit dirty, and is based on the film ‘Crimes of the Heart’ where Sissy Spacek plays a married woman who has an affair with a black teenager.
So there you have it, fanboys. You need to go and get some gigantic love in you right away or you’ll make the ghost of Steve Jobs cry.
There’s a million useless videos made by corporations in a bid to go viral that are fantastically useless. However, now and then, there’s one that even the hardest cynic can’t help but like.
Those gits at Vodafone have done a video which is, bluntly, an eyeball wetting joy. They get two old ladies and stick them on a plane for the first time in their lives. One of the ladies is a bit of a wuss, but lovely and game. The other is an absolute riot who you should love from the moment she cackles her way around a loop-the-loop on a rollercoaster.
So, without giving any more away, have a look at this.