Buy the app that lets you measure your wang!

January 24th, 2013 7 Comments By Mof Gimmers

measure your lad app 200x300 Buy the app that lets you measure your wang!

The folks over at Gizmodo have had a lovely time of it, being hauled over hot coals for accusing that the founder of PlayBook (a site where you can crow about who you’ve had it away with) of being a massive virgin.

And so, we’re going to try our best to get some attention by casting awful dispersions about a new app that allows you to measure your lad.

This app – spotted by AppShopper - has, apparently, been developed in a bid to educate men so they can buy condoms that are the correct size.

What we do know is that, once you’ve greased up your phone’s screen with your throbbing gristle, you’ll be recommended a condom size and type, as well as seeing your girth and length in a world ranking. Whether you can tweet your results, we don’t know.

Of course, only an outrageous pervert who has bugged the app with something that secretly films you getting erect and whapping it onto your screen, would develop an application such as this. Someone who probably dresses up as a member of the IRA and makes violent, obliterating love to Steak Bakes from Greggs, wearing condoms filled with Ralgex. Someone pumping man grot all over photos of humpbacked Russian children.

Are we famous now?

Comments (7) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by Sicknote January 24, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    What about an app for women to measure the length of their wizard’s sleeve..?

  2. Posted by Chewbacca January 24, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    I’d need a fishing rod to measure mine.

  3. Posted by ivor biggun January 24, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    Sounds ideal for angry Subway customers.

  4. Posted by Burt the Velcro reptile January 24, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    can you download on a fifty inch tv?

  5. Posted by Burt the Velcro reptile January 24, 2013 at 4:17 pm


    A fishing hook more like you bent bastard!

  6. Posted by Rosco P Coltrane January 24, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    @ Sicknote

    You could use this app to get the correct hat size


    Hahahaha – Knob!

  7. Posted by PisserLOLZ January 24, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    My “Wang” has a touchscreen and bluetooth can I download it onto that?

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