Bow down before the miracle that is the Candwich

July 12th, 2010 12 Comments By Andy Dawson

Yet again, Bitterwallet reports to you from the frontline of sandwich technology. Remember the first time you saw a sandwich being sold in sealed plastic packaging instead of merely being wrapped in greaseproof paper? Well mark today down in your diary as the day the sandwich world spun right off its axis.

Ask yourself how a sandwich could possibly be sold to you any fresher than it already is? The answer – put it in a can.

candwich 500x256 Bow down before the miracle that is the Candwich

We speak, of course, about the Candwich, undoubtedly a major leap forward for humankind and their food consumption. When these eventually make it into the shops, we’ll be filling the Bitterwallet larder right up to the ceiling with these things, ahead of the imminent nuclear holocaust.

Sadly, there’s been a spot of bother in getting the Candwich from the brain to the shops, owing to the small matter of its inventor, Travis L. Wright (yes, American) being accused of defrauding real estate investors out of millions of dollars in order to fund his harebrained Candwich scheme.

But another company has stepped into the breach and it’s been reported that these things will be in the shops of the United States of A shortly. Britain’s breath is baited…


Comments (12) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Ah but would anyone want to eat 6 month old sandwiches? I think there would be psychological issues about freshness here, even if the sandwich remained technically fresh and unmouldy.

  2. Posted by Dave July 12, 2010 at 11:15 am

    They look like shit sarnies too, I’ve seen better ones served on BA flights. Well, maybe in 1995 when they used to serve sarnies on BA flights, before they went all budget and that without actually lowering any prices or flying from regional airports.

  3. Posted by Nobby July 12, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Canned cheese burgers and dehydrated wine also appeared on Wossy a few years back …!

  4. Posted by The Real Bob July 12, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    I don’t even want to think about how many additives it has in it.

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  6. Posted by Jase July 13, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    I think the ‘whole chicken in a can’ article was the first time I ever visited Bitterwallet…Candwich reminds me of a slightly less disgusting version of that.

  7. That looks like a great new product. It’s much more efficient to pop open a can for lunch than having to waste time preparing a lunch or going out to grab a bite.

  8. Posted by John S. July 22, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    I’m guessing that Joeseph Scandura has a vested interest in the product… I am of the opinion that no sane person would say those words without some kind of monetary incentive..

  9. Posted by Wally Bozo July 22, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    On white bread? How unhealthy!

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