All hail the picnic table jeans!

April 3rd, 2012 19 Comments By Andy Dawson

There’s no denying that we all like an impromptu picnic now and again, but you never know when the urge will strike to just sit down and chomp away on some jam sandwiches, pickled onions and Monster Munch. It’s certainly a bind having to lug a picnic table or rug around with you wherever you go.)

NO MORE! Say a big hello to the Pic Nic Pants – they’re trousers but not as we know them. While you’re walking around, they look like (fairly) ordinary jeans, albeit with a bit of cloth hanging down. But plonk yourself down somewhere and hey presto – you’ve got a portable picnic table right in front of you!

original 500x281 All hail the picnic table jeans!

There’s even a handy little side pocket, in which you can keep cutlery – or a Taser, to be deployed whenever passers-by take the piss out of you (which, let’s face it, will be ALL THE TIME).


Comments (19) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by Her name was Lola April 3, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    They look a little bit like the saggy-arse / filled-nappy jeans that the “youth” seem to be intent on wearing. Out of interest, with these Pic Nic Pants, would the fly be above or beneath the “table”? I’m predicting much hilarity, either way.

  2. Posted by Yve April 3, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Was just looking back to see when the original article about those appeared. It’s undated, but I bet it was Sunday.

  3. Posted by Mr. Patel April 3, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I don’t like Monster Munch.

  4. Posted by Immigration Authority April 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Mr Patel, you have failed the new Britishness test and will be deported immediately (pending four years of appeals).

  5. Posted by Mary Hinge April 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    I Would love to drop my cream all over those flaps.

  6. Posted by Mike Hock April 3, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Don’t they make these jeans already? You know, those tight but baggy jeans with the crotch round the ankles, bit like those elastic ankle jeans. Teamed with a tight polo t-shirt, sockless plimsoles and a trillby you too could look like a cunt. Apparently, looking like a complete dick, is ‘in’ these days. So these jeans are cool.

  7. Posted by Alexis April 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    So if you get soup all over them you’ll look like a hobo for the rest of the day

  8. Posted by The Youth April 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm



    You am so crusty old. “cool” was me dad says. these longs are shit man. I am liftin some soon blood. Shee-ite!

  9. Posted by The Real Bob April 3, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Does anyone have any idea what the blue blazes this buffoon is wittering about?

  10. Posted by Shaniaa April 3, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Wot my bruv said innit. Wankaaaaa!

  11. Posted by Boris April 3, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    I’ll get one of my community advisors on the job for you The Real Bob.

  12. Posted by Dick April 3, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    ^^ I do. He said that he is a bender.

  13. Posted by Boris April 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Apparently it translates roughly into this:

    Highly Amusing!

    You are an old decrepit person using outdated language similar to that which my father used. These trousers are very good indeed. So good that I may have to shoplift/mug somebody for them in the near future to obtain them my good friend. Wow!

  14. Posted by The Real Bob April 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Thank you very much Boris. I tried typing it into Google translate but it ran away clutching it’s wallet to it’s chest.

  15. Posted by Shaniaa April 3, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Ah dinnae ken who that shaniaa is but she beter get anuva name cuz this is ma name on ere nd im gonna kick that slags ass if she trys to b me again!

  16. Posted by Shaniaa April 3, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    thats no even how i talk, if ah ever c tat english cunt in glasgae ill gie her a smashing.

  17. Posted by Mary Hinge April 4, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Actually, subtextually, the Youth said,

    Mike, you are 100% right. We do look like a bunch of tools. But I have to continue looking like a twat so it seems I am rebeling even though I really do think you’re cool and my dad’s cool. My mates will think I’m a wanker if I don’t wear this shite even though secretly they think it looks shite too. We are just to weak to wear normal clothes. I really don’t want to look like I’ve just been dressed by Gok.

  18. Posted by Raggedy April 4, 2012 at 10:30 am

    @ Shaniaa & Shaniaa

    There’s only one way to sort this out…

    I’ll provide the baby oil and mud.

  19. Posted by Spencer April 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I’m starvin love…..

    Open yer legs up and get your flaps out…..

    I can see this being very popular with apple fanboi’s.

    riding to the park on their penny farthing. Pulling out 6 solar panels to power their imac. then eating apple segements while sucking off any passers by….

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